Wreck & Ruin (Tarnished Angels Motorcycle Club Book 1)
Wreck & Ruin: Chapter 30

Hell looked very much like a hospital room.

I blinked heavy eyelids, staring at light blue walls and a white ceiling. The IV in my arm tingled with pain when I moved my hand.

Colt was sitting next to my bedside, his head lolling to his shoulder as he slept. I thought about calling out to him to wake him up, but I didn’t want to disturb him.

Cottonmouth had me doubting I could even form a word.

I slid my finger back and forth across the sheet that was covering me. My nail on the cheap fabric made a sound, causing Colt to jerk upright in sudden alertness.

We stared at one another and then Colt was out of the chair and at my side. “Darlin’.”

“Water,” I growled through a parched throat. “Please.”

He grabbed the pitcher and poured water into a plastic cup. When I had my fill, he set it aside.

I had so many questions I wasn’t sure where to start. So I began with the most obvious one. “How long have I been here?”

“Brought you in last night. They rushed you to surgery for the bullet wound in your thigh. They dug it out, transfused the fuck out of you, and here we are.”

I looked out my window and saw the fading sunlight.

“Gray? He was—”

“Fine. He’s fine. Reap and Boxer found him wrestling one of Dev’s men on the roof. Gray managed to slide his knife into the other one.”

I breathed a sigh of relief that Gray was alive.

“He feels guilty as fuck, you know. Since he was supposed to pick Dev off.”

“Nothing goes according to plan, right? Dev told me he knew about the set up. Is that true?”

“Yeah.”

I peered up at him, feeling drugged and loopy, my brain and words struggling. “Piece this together for me, because I have no idea how you’re not in jail and I swear, while I was bleeding out propped up against the van, I thought I heard your voice.”

“You did hear me.” He raked a hand through his hair and grimaced at the sudden pain from moving his side and feeling his own wound.

The irony, that we both had bullet wounds, courtesy of one insane MC president.

“Vance—our club lawyer made a call to a high-profile judge, who made a call to the mayor, who called the sheriff.”

“Interesting chain of command,” I murmured, wondering what that conversation had sounded like and how the hell a judge was ordering the mayor to do anything.

“Anyway, Flynn and Ramsey met us at the station with our bikes. On our way to the warehouse, we got caught up in a firefight with Dev’s men. It was an ambush. If it hadn’t been for Knight and the Idaho boys, we wouldn’t have been able to get out of there.”

“I don’t understand.”

“There was a shooting. Knight and his boys took over the fight. Most of them are former military, remember? They covered us while we rode to the warehouse and they killed a few of Dev’s men. The Jackals were supposed to be riding with us, but they had an issue on their own turf. Someone in their club ratted us out to Dev, probably hoping to get in tight with the Iron Horsemen. Dev knew the rest of the Jackals would ride with us against him, so he created a diversion to keep the Jackals close to home. We lost them as backup.

“By the time we got over to the warehouse, we found you bleeding out by a van, the warehouse was on fire, and Dev was gone.”

My breath caught. “He escaped? After all of this?”

“For now.”

“Are you—” I exhaled. “Are you going to track him down?”

Colt shook his head. “Mateo Sanchez has Franco on it already. They’ll find Dev and then hand him over to the cartel and let Alejandro decide what’s to be done with him. He’s no longer our problem, and with the coke all gone, he’d be stupid to ever come back to Waco. Once Alejandro finds out that the coke is missing along with Dev, the entire crew is history.”

I shivered. “What about their wives and children? I know what cartels do. They murder entire families just to make a point. They’ve even killed people’s dogs before.”

“I’ve already asked Sanchez to negotiate for their safety.”

“What will that cost us? The price has been too high already!” I cried, hysteria rising in my tone.

Colt placed his hand on my shoulder. “Easy. Take it easy.”

“I can’t.”

“You need to take a deep breath for me.”

When I felt like I was calm, I had to ask, “Will Alejandro come after me? Us? We were the ones who burned his coke to the ground. It was worth millions…”

“Only after Dev let it slip through his fingers. No. Alejandro won’t come after us because Sanchez’s men are sticking close to Waco to ensure the peace. Even a few million dollars in cocaine isn’t enough for Alejandro to take on another cartel head to head. Especially not in the States. That’s bad for business. It’s better for him to wipe out the Iron Horsemen so his street cred stays valid and leave out the details that we’re now working with Sanchez. It will look like the Iron Horsemen fucked with a cartel and got obliterated, which is true. All the other shit will be swept under the rug.”

I wasn’t sure that gave me any comfort.

“How’s your pain?” he asked suddenly.

“What pain? Morphine is kind of swell.”

He didn’t smile at my light tone and I was instantly on my guard. “You’re going to yell at me, aren’t you?”

“You think I’d yell at you while you were lying in a hospital bed after having been shot because you willingly placed yourself in danger even though you had no business being in danger in the first place?”

I paused, pretending to look thoughtful. “Yeah, I think you’d yell at me.”

“Well, you’re damn fucking right I’d yell at you,” he bellowed. “What the fuck were you thinking?”

“I was thinking,” I replied, tone calm, “that you guys were in jail and I had no idea when you’d be getting out. I knew this stuff with Dev was a time sensitive issue and it needed to be dealt with.”

“What else,” he demanded. “What are you leaving out?”

“This was personal for me, and if I didn’t have a stake in taking him down, I knew I’d always regret it. And I’d never find peace with Shelly’s death. But you knew all that. So why do you seem so surprised?”

“Surprised doesn’t even begin to express how I feel. I was scared shitless knowing I couldn’t protect you.” He hung his head in near defeat. “You can’t always go charging into dangerous situations.”

“I didn’t charge. I sat down and planned with Gray, Torque, Flynn and the others.”

I closed my eyes, not because I was finished with the conversation, but because the morphine was flowing and I felt myself slipping away from consciousness.

“We’re not done with this discussion,” Colt whispered in my ear.

“You haven’t told me you loved me,” I mumbled.

“I thought that was a given.”

“I told you I loved you after you got shot. It’s courteous to repay in kind.”

His lips brushed my forehead. “I love you. Losing you would devastate me. My life has no meaning without you. There. Are you happy?”

I smiled, my eyes still closed, “Your delivery needs work, but yeah, Colt. That made me happy.”

The next time I woke up, it was late at night and Colt was standing by the window, staring out at the hospital grounds.

He must have heard me stir and turned back to look at me. There was hardly any moon or starlight, and I could only faintly make out the outline of his big, brawny body.

“How are you feeling?” he asked, stalking toward my bedside and reaching for the pitcher of water.

“I don’t know.” I pressed my tongue to the roof of my dry mouth. “Will you flip on the lamp?”

He did as I requested.

“How do I feel,” I repeated. “Like down is up and up is down. Like my emotions are all scrambled and I don’t know what I’m supposed to feel.”

“You’re supposed to feel whatever you want to feel.”

I frowned, taking the glass of water and bringing the straw to my lips. After I had my fill, Colt took it from me and set it aside.

“You haven’t kissed me. You’ve barely touched me,” I said.

“You’re in a hospital bed. Did you kiss or touch me when I was laid up in bed?”

“I think I did touch you. And I think you wanted me to touch you. Why won’t you touch me now? I’m not talking carnal—just gentle intimacy. I know something is going on with you. What is it?”

“I’m fucking livid with you,” he said, his voice dispassionate. “I’ve had hours to think while you’ve been asleep and I just—haven’t figured out how to wrap my head around your actions.”

I watched him pace the room as he vented.

“I can’t believe Gray and Torque didn’t have the good sense to keep you out of this.”

“Out of this,” I repeated. “Where have you been the last few weeks? This was all because of me.”

“It wasn’t all because of you.”

“Fine. I was the catalyst that got it all moving.” I swallowed. “What’s the opposite of the Midas touch, Colt?”

“I don’t follow.”

“You know, Midas. Everything he touches turns to gold? Well, everything I touch turns to ash.”

His gaze softened in understanding. “Ah, darlin’.”

“No, don’t.” I held up my hand to stop him. “I’m not looking for sympathy. Okay? I was just—I had to help clean up the mess I brought into your life. To the Blue Angels’ lives. For me. For you. For Shelly.”

Saying her name out loud hurt me. Saying her name felt like summoning a ghost. A fissure of emotion erupted in my body shoving away the numbness that had enveloped me.

The tears were gentle at first and then they turned into a cascade. I became a careening, mourning woman who sounded like a deranged animal in pain.

Colt sat down on the bed next to me and held my body as I shook and broke apart.

“He killed her,” I hiccoughed the words, my eyes nearly swollen shut. “He killed her and I couldn’t even make him hurt. I couldn’t even make him hurt one bit of what I feel.”

Colt crooned against my hair, brushing away my greasy locks, not caring that I needed a good scrubbing to remove the smell of hospital, the smell of death.

Would this eat away at me my entire life? Not being the one to end Dev?

When I quieted, I pressed my nose to Colt and inhaled. He smelled like Colt, like freedom and light. Like the air in summer. Like life itself.

“No one asked me to help,” I said when my tears had abated. “I volunteered. No one wanted to involve me. Torque nearly lost his shit when he saw that I didn’t get in the car to head to the cabins.” I pinned him with a stare. “Cabins, Colt. You never told me you had cabins.”

“I don’t have cabins. The club has cabins. And don’t change the subject. How did you get Gray and Torque to let you sit at the table?”

“I asked.” I shrugged. “You have to understand—none of them were okay with using me as bait, but they knew it would get the job done. It was supposed to get the job done, anyway. But we failed. I failed.”

“What is failure, though? You didn’t get to look Dev in the eye and pull the trigger? Okay, so maybe that’s your version of failure. But we succeeded overall.”

“We don’t have Dev. He’s still running around—pissed as hell, ready to set more fires.”

“Franco found Dev.”

“He did?” I gaped. “When?”

“A few hours ago. Franco already handed Dev over to Alejandro’s men. The deed is done.” He reached out and laced his fingers through mine. “You’re cold.”

“Yeah.”

My gaze dropped to the bed sheets.

“Do you know what this means?” he asked finally.

“It means I had no part in ending Dev’s life, and that doesn’t sit right with me. I’ll feel like he’s always out there, somewhere.”

“You’ll have to make it right within yourself. I know you think pulling the trigger and killing him would ease your grief, but it would turn you into someone else. Someone you might not like.” He shook his head. “More importantly, now that Dev is with Alejandro’s men, we get to go home. They’re professionals, in what they do. Dev is as good as gone. We’re safe.”

I looked up to meet his somber gaze. “We get to go home.”

He nodded. “You get to recover in our bed. Silas gets to pick out colors for his room. We get to step outside and not have to look over our shoulder and wonder if Dev is gunning for us. It’s over.”

It wasn’t enough.

I didn’t get my revenge.

I didn’t get to watch the life fade from Dev’s eyes.

All the pain and suffering I’d endured at his hands didn’t have an outlet.

Colt stared at me, his dark gaze intense. “This is life, Mia. Sometimes things don’t play out the way we want them to.” He squeezed my hand. “You’ve gotta find a way to let this be enough. Otherwise…otherwise, it’ll eat away at you and there will be nothing left worth living for.”

The next morning, Boxer and Zip paid me a visit. After Boxer made a few jokes about my appearance, he stared at Zip and said, “You tell her.”

“Tell me what?” I asked.

Zip and Boxer exchanged a look, having one of those silent bro conversations I was never privy to.

“Come on, guys. Tell me what’s going on.”

“Colt left,” Zip said.

“He left?” I asked, mouth agape. “What do you mean he left?”

“I mean he’s gone. As in not here. He said he’d be back in a few days,” Zip added. “But he didn’t tell me where he was going.”

“Why would he tell you?” I pressed. “You guys were at each other’s throats.”

“They made up in prison,” Boxer quipped. “Not like that, but they’re brothers again.”

“Glad to hear it,” I murmured.

I glanced out the window. I’d only just woken up an hour or so ago. A nurse had come to take my vitals but then had left quickly. Colt hadn’t been in my room when I’d opened my eyes. I thought nothing of it, thinking that he might’ve gone for coffee.

But he was gone. Without a word.

“I got a theory,” Boxer said slowly. “You wanna hear it?”

“I think you’ll tell it to me whether I want to hear it or not,” I said, dragging my eyes away from the window.

“I think he went for a ride,” Boxer said. “To clear his head. To put it back on straight. He…”

“He what? Spit it out, Boxer.”

“God, you’re fucking cranky,” he stated.

“I’m about to get fucking crankier,” I muttered.

Boxer sighed. “Colt might’ve punched a wall while you were in surgery. He’s been off ever since. Riding is the only thing that clears out the cob webs.”

“I can’t believe he left me.”

“He didn’t leave you,” Zip said. “He went to go find himself.”

“Find himself. What the fuck is that? He has that luxury, but I don’t?” I gestured to my leg. “I’ve got months of physical therapy to look forward to. Basically being bed-ridden. And I never got to pay back the man who killed my best friend. Find himself?” I sounded like a banshee, screaming and caterwauling like a wounded animal.

Hell, I was wounded, and it wasn’t just my leg.

“What about me? How the fuck could he do this to me? We’re supposed to be a team. You don’t just—he really took off?”

Boxer and Zip both nodded.

I leaned my head back against the pillows. “This is unbelievable.”

I wished Joni was here so she could shed some light on her brother. “When is everyone coming back from the cabins?”

“Not for a little while,” Zip said. “We wanna make sure all the shit is wrapped up here before we bring them home.”

“What other shit? Dev is gone, apparently. What else is there to handle?”

Boxer scratched his chin. “Alejandro’s men are cleaning the streets looking for the Iron Horsemen. It’s not a bright idea to be riding around Waco wearing a cut right now.”

“Don’t watch the news,” Zip said. “They’re reporting solely on the crime wave. It’s bad.”

“So it really is over,” I said in amazement. After weeks of fear and terror, of being on lockdown and the losses, it was done.

“Yeah, it is,” Boxer said with a nod.

“Have you talked to Joni?” I asked Zip. “How’s she doing? Is everyone okay? Silas?”

“They’re fine. The kids don’t know anything that’s going on. Silas is doing well from what Darcy said.”

I breathed a sigh of relief. One less thing I had to worry about.

There was a knock on the door, followed by Knight popping his head in. He looked at me in concern. I nodded for him to enter. He walked through the door and held it for Zip and Boxer who moved toward the exit. Boxer grasped my big toe and gave it a tweak before leaving.

Knight came all the way into the room and sat down on the edge of the bed. He examined me for a long moment and then said, “Christ.”

“I’m okay.”

He shook his head. “You’re not the one who’s supposed to be reassuring me. I’m supposed to do that for you. I sat with Colt, you know. When they brought you back from surgery. The both of us sat by your bed waiting for you to come out of anesthesia. Your boy was a real wreck.”

“And you?”

He sighed. “Same. Boxer and Zip…did they tell you about Colt?”

“About how he’s gone? Yeah. They said he went for a ride to clear his head.”

“I don’t know you well,” Knight said slowly. “So I’m gonna need you to be honest with me.”

I looked at him in confusion. “Okay.”

“What’s your mental state? I mean, how fragile is too fragile?”

“You know where he went, don’t you?”

After a moment, he nodded. “I followed him to the parking lot. We had some…words.”

“You had some fists, you mean?”

He smiled slightly. “It might’ve come to that. I got protective over you. He landed a punch. I hit him back. Then I made him tell me where he was going.”

“Where did he go?”

His eyes met mine. “To get your revenge for you.”

I dreamed the devil climbed into bed with me.

He held me in his arms, kissed my lips, tasting of violence and seduction. He smelled like gunpowder and leather, woodsmoke and man.

He felt solid and real, but I knew he was a figment of my morphine-induced imagination. I cried tears of bereavement because I knew once I opened my eyes, he’d be gone and I’d be alone again.

So for the time being, I gave into his touch, I gave into the feeling of not being so alone.

And when I came in my sleep, his lips were there to steal my cries.

I cracked an eyelid, taking a moment to get my bearings. My head was not resting on a pillow, but on a warm male chest.

“Colt?” I whispered.

“Hmm.” His fingers played with my hair.

“Where did you go?”

He paused. “I thought Knight told you.”

“He did.” We were silent a moment and then I asked, “How?”

“I asked Flynn for his help. Cost me a bit. To be there at the end.”

“What did it cost you?”

“Alejandro Garcia is still going to have some jurisdiction in Waco through the Jackals. They’ll take the East side. We’ll take the North side. Garcia will branch out east toward Louisiana when he wants to expand. Sanchez will branch out north toward Idaho.”

“Divide and conquer, eh?” I asked.

“Criminals gotta eat too, babe.”

I huffed out a laugh. “Yeah, I guess they do.” I paused. “You think Alejandro and the Jackals will keep their end of the bargain?”

“I don’t know. I guess time will tell.”

“What about the bloodshed? Waco’s seen enough, don’t you think?”

“We stay on our side, they stay on theirs. I’ve talked to Franco. He’s assured me that Sanchez doesn’t want to see the loss of innocent lives. Can’t say the same for Garcia.”

I traced the warm skin that peeked out from the collar of his T-shirt. I couldn’t worry about that now. There would always be unknowns. Danger would continue to lurk around the corner. I was an MC president’s Old Lady. It came with the territory.

I didn’t ask if he got to be the one to pull the trigger, or if he was just there to watch Dev’s life come to an end. Not that Colt would tell me, anyway. And it had nothing to do with the fact that we weren’t married and I wasn’t protected under spousal privilege. He wouldn’t want it to weigh on me.

“Were you mad when you found out I’d left?”

“Yeah.”

“Are you still mad?”

“I don’t think so.”

“No?”

I tilted my chin up to look at him. “Thank you. For making sure it’s truly over. Thank you for being there for me.”

His gaze softened. “You’re welcome.”

I rested my head against his chest and snuggled up against him.

“Mia?”

“Yeah?”

“Marry me.”

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