Would You Rather: A College Romance (Campus Games Book 3)
Would You Rather (Campus Games Book 3): Chapter 31

I’m not going anywhere

I’m two seconds away from passing out from exhaustion.

I don’t know how long I’ve been here, sitting in bed, surrounded by textbooks, but by the way my eyes are starting to glaze over, I can only imagine it’s been a long time.

God, I want to sleep. But my assignments aren’t anywhere close to being done yet, and the due date is in a week.

I glance back at the textbooks spread out on my bed, and my eyes narrow in exhaustion. Maybe a little nap won’t hurt. I let my body drift down, falling back onto my pillow. Just thirty minutes, and then I’ll wake up to do some more studying.

Just thirty minutes.

But then my phone buzzes, and my eyes snap open. “You’ve got to be kidding me.” Who the hell is texting me at this time? Gabi’s in her room, the girls are with their boyfriends, and my parents only check in a few times a month.

I let out a groan, reaching for my phone and opening the text.

Lucas:

I miss you.

My frown drops, and my lips immediately turn up in a smile at his name on my screen. A sigh escapes me. We’ve seen each other every day this week, and I already miss him. I quickly type back a text.

Me:

I miss you too. So much.

I can’t seem to stop smiling. I don’t even want to. I can’t remember the last time I was this happy.

Lucas:

Come to the door.

My brows knit together as I pull off the covers and get out of bed, opening my bedroom door. I can hear Gabi in her room, talking, so I creep toward the door, careful not to make any noise.

Reaching for the door handle, I crack it open, and my heart melts when I see Lucas breaking out into a grin when he sees me.

“What are you doing here?” I ask him. It’s late, like really late, and while I’d love to have him here, I’m not ready for Gabi to find out about us yet.

He reaches forward, gripping my waist, and pulls me to him. His lips press against my forehead, and I instantly melt into his arms. I’ve never felt like this with someone before, so at ease, so relaxed. I was always on alert with Daniel, always scared, sad, and angry at myself.

The moment he leans in, and his lips brush mine, I’m putty in his hands, willing to do whatever he wants me to do. “You wear glasses?” he asks, pulling back to look at me, his eyes sparkling as he grins. “Fuck, that’s so hot.”

I let out a laugh, adjusting the black frames on my face. “I only use them to study.”

He shakes his head. “Use them more,” he says, leaning down to press his lips against mine, kissing me hard. “Please.”

I’d bet I would do anything he wanted as long as he begged me. I loved hearing the urgency in his voice, pleading, begging. “What are you doing here?” I ask him again. “It’s late.”

“Came to see my girlfriend,” he murmurs between kisses, his lips trailing down my jaw and neck.

A breathy moan escapes my lips, and I quickly press my lips together. He’s called me that a few times, but it still shocks me every time. “Me?” I gasp when his teeth tug on my neck, soothing it with a lick of his tongue.

He chuckles, pulls back, and grabs onto my face, staring into my eyes. “I don’t have any other girlfriend that I’m aware of,” he says before he lets out a sigh. “I missed you so fucking much. I was lying in bed so painfully aware that the only place I wanted to be was with you.”

He rests his forehead on mine, and my heart flutters. “I saw you this morning,” I remind him. We’ve started a little routine of getting coffee together every morning. That way, we can still make sure the public knows we’re dating, but my friends don’t find out that it’s real. I know I need to tell them soon, but… I really don’t want to dye my hair red.

“Take pity on your boyfriend,” he says. “I’m very needy.” His lips land back on mine, and he moves his hand to the back of my neck, moving my head for better access. “Can I come inside?” he whispers against my lips.

I look behind my shoulder at Gabi’s bedroom door. My brows knit together, and I turn to face him. “You need to be quiet,” I tell him, pulling him inside before I close the door behind us, careful not to make any noise.

“Why?” he asks with a smirk. “You got a guy in here?”

I roll my eyes. “Funny. Like I haven’t already got my hands full with you.”

He chuckles, his eyes narrowing with lust. “Mmm. That’s right. So full.”

I push him into my room, and he lands on my bed with a laugh. “You’re an idiot,” I tell him. “I haven’t told Gabi about us yet.”

His eyebrows furrow. “You said she knew.”

“That it was fake,” I amend. “Not that we started dating for real.”

“So tell her now,” he says with a lift of his shoulder.

I let out a sigh, placing my hand on my hip. “Well, the thing is, we kind of made a bet.”

“A bet?”

I nod. “Last year, after Leila and Aiden got together, Gabi was so adamant she’d end up as a fifth wheel, and I bet her that if I got into a relationship before her, I’d dye my hair red.”

His eyebrows lift. “Wow. Bold for someone who plans what they’re going to eat.”

“I know,” I say with a sigh, sitting on the bed beside him. He twists to look at me, and my stomach flips. He looks so good here. “I honestly thought I’d win,” I tell him. “I never thought I’d be in a relationship. Ever again. I hated the thought.”

He places his hands under his chin, blinking innocently. “Keep talking. These are such sweet words.”

I let out a laugh. “You remember what I was like.”

“A pain in my ass? Yeah.”

I smirk, shaking my head. “I’m serious, Lucas. I never thought this would happen for me ever again.”

His brows knit together in concern. “Any reason why?” he asks.

Daniel. “I just… didn’t,” I say with a shrug. I want to tell him so bad; I want to be able to confide in him and let him in, but it’s so scary telling the guy you’re in love with how weak you were.

His expression tightens, but then he lets out a breath. He knows I’m hiding something from him, but he doesn’t push me to talk about it, and honestly, I’m so grateful for that.

“So you’re scared to dye your hair?” he asks with a smirk.

“Obviously.”

He reaches out and rubs a strand of my hair between his fingers. “I can’t wait to see it,” he says, knowing I’m going to have to dye it at some point. “You’re going to look so hot.”

“You think so?” Not that I think I’d look bad, but it’s a big change, especially for me.

He shakes his head, letting out a scoff. “Are you serious? Mads, you could wear a paper bag, and I’d still think you were the most beautiful girl I have ever laid my eyes on.” He wraps his arm around my waist and pulls me so I’m lying beside him on the bed. “If there were a contest, you’d win hands down.”

He leans down to kiss me, his hand trailing down my body. “Lucas,” I breathe out.

“Mmm,” he moans. “I love those noises.” He pulls back and stares into my eyes. “Last time I was here, I wanted to kiss you so bad,” he admits.

“I was sick,” I remind him.

He smirks, rubbing his thumb over my cheek. “I would have taken the risk.”

I wanted to kiss him so bad that day, too, but I never thought he’d be thinking the same thing. I wonder what would have happened if Gabi hadn’t come in. “I thought you hated me back then,” I admit.

He shakes his head. “I told you I didn’t hate you, Mads. We made a bad first impression on each other when we met. I was having a hard time with James, and my mom and…” he sighs. “He had fallen over that day, trying to take a shower.” My eyes widen. “He was supposed to have a nurse taking care of him, but he fired her and attempted to do it himself. I was so fucking scared when I got the call, and then we got stuck together in that elevator.” He squeezes his eyes closed. “It had nothing to do with you. If anything, you were what kept me sane during that time. You still do.”

My body breaks out into shivers like it always does when he looks at me. “You’re it for me, Madeline,” he says, his thumb brushing over my bottom lip. “You’re fucking it for me.”

He leans down and presses his lips to mine, and I get lost in him, the world around me dissolving whenever he’s near. He hums against my lips, pulling back. “As much I’d love to just make out with you, I actually came here for a reason,” he says.

I raise an eyebrow, smirking at him. “Because you can’t live without me?” I joke.

He lets out a laugh, smoothing his thumb over my cheek. “That’s an understatement,” he says, grinning down at me. “But no. I came over because… You got it,” he says, breaking out into a grin.

My brows furrow. “Got what?”

“The audition,” he clarifies, making my eyes widen, almost jumping out of my eye sockets. “You’ll get an email soon, but I couldn’t fucking wait to tell you.”

“Oh my god.” I break out into a grin, sitting up on the bed. “You’re joking.”

He shakes his head. “Ana called me an hour ago, and I came here as fast as I could,” he says, holding my face in his hands. “I wanted to see the look on your face when you found out.”

“Lucas.” I wrap my arms around him, unable to say anything else. My head shakes as the words process through me, the earlier exhaustion coming right back. Fuck, it’s late. I should be asleep. But all I can think of is I have an audition. With Monica Harrington. “Thank you.” I pull back, pressing my lips to his over and over again.

He laughs against my lips, pushing my body to lie down on the bed. “You don’t have to thank me, princesa,” he says, kissing me. I open up for him, my eyes closing, and I let out a whimper. God, I’m so tired. Lucas pulls back, kissing my forehead. “You’re amazing, Mads, and I’m glad other people are starting to realize that, even if I wish I could keep you all to myself,” he murmurs against my skin.

I let out a small laugh, my eyes heavy, and the feeling of his lips on my neck and my jaw soothing. But it’s not until his hand slides down my body, playing with the hem of my shirt, that I realize where this is heading, and I freeze when he lifts the material to my waist.

I swallow harshly, trying to make myself get in the mood. I love feeling his body on mine, and I’m sure it will be the same. I squeeze my eyes closed. Just do it. Just go along with it. He’s happy, don’t make him upset.

But Lucas’s hand stops and he pulls back. I open my eyes to see him look at me with furrowed brows. “Are you okay?” he asks.

I nod, pressing my lips together. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Madeline.”

The hard tone of his voice makes me sigh. “I’m just a little tired,” I admit, gulping when he frowns. God, why can’t I just be normal and get myself in the mood? He’s going to yell and leave, and he won’t want to be with me anymore.

But he doesn’t leave. Instead, he leans down and presses a chaste kiss to my lips. “Come on,” he says, pulling me up until we’re under the covers. “Let’s go to sleep.”

I glance up at him, my heart thudding against my chest. “You don’t want to…”

He shakes his head, his eyes softening when he looks down at me. “You don’t want that right now. And that’s completely fine.” His arms tighten around me. “You don’t need to force yourself to get in the mood or just go along with it because I want to,” he says. “When you’re feeling it, you can let me know.”

“You…” My lip wobbles. “You mean that?”

“Of course,” he says, his brows knitting together. “Why wouldn’t I?”

My eyes start to tear up, and I hold back a sob, pressing my lips together. Lucas, however, catches on because he frowns as he holds my face in his hands. “Hey,” he says, in a voice so soothing it makes me want to cry even more. “What’s wrong?”

I shake my head, blinking away the tears. I don’t want to cry in front of him. Not again. Squeezing my eyes shut, I beg myself not to break down, but when his hands wipe away a tear, my eyes snap open, locking with his.

“Baby,” he says, his voice so calm it makes me want to cry even more. “I didn’t mean to imply I don’t want you. I always want you, but I’m not going to push you into doing something if you’re not feeling it.”

I shake my head, my heart bursting with the love I have for him. “That’s not it.”

“Then what is it?” he asks. “You can tell me, princesa. Whatever it is.”

“I… I don’t want you to think I’m weak.”

His lips turn into a frown. “I would never think that,” he says earnestly. “I want you to be able to tell me anything, no matter what. You never have to try to be perfect with me. All you have to do is exist. Be messy, be loud, cry, scream if you have to. It doesn’t matter. You’ll always be perfect to me.”

My heart trusts him so much that the words come spilling out. “I had a boyfriend,” I tell him. “In high school.”

His eyes darken, and his breathing starts to pick up. “What happened?” he asks.

The memory of it is painful, and the thought of Lucas seeing me as anything but strong is scary, but he saw me break down in the elevator, and he’s still here. He still wants me.

“It was a few weeks after Nia died,” I start. “I was a mess, completely lost without my sister. My parents hardly talked to me and I felt so lonely,” I admit, relaxing into him while his hand rubs my back. “I know they were grieving too, but it felt like they were mad at me or something. I felt like after their real daughter died, they didn’t want me.”

“Mads,” Lucas says. “You know that’s not true.”

I shrug. “Maybe it’s stupid, but that’s how I felt. And then I met this guy at school, and he talked to me, he liked me and gave me attention. It seemed like no one else cared about me, so I let myself get caught up in him.” I breathe out a sigh. “It all happened so quick. One moment, he took my first kiss. The next he was calling me his girlfriend.”

It was on my sixteenth birthday, and I still remember waking up to my parents being gone for work without so much as a happy birthday text. They had never done that before. Birthdays were always a big thing in our family, but when Nia died, so did all our other traditions.

“He was kind and gentle. At least at first,” I continue. Lucas’ hand stops abruptly on my back and I glance up at him, seeing his brows knitted so tight. “But not long after, he started to get very controlling. I don’t even know how he did it, but he managed to make me turn against my parents.” I shake my head, a tear rolling down my cheek when I let out a laugh. “I had spent my whole life trying to make them love me, and while I knew they did, he made me feel like I would never be good enough for them. He used to tell me that they would never love me like they did Nia. That he was the only one who could learn to love someone that was as overbearing as me.”

“You’re kidding,” Lucas says.

“I believed him.” I nod, more tears rolling down my chest. “I really believed no one would be able to love me. My own birth parents didn’t want me, I didn’t have many friends and had never had a boyfriend, and after Nia died, my own parents didn’t want to be around me. Why wouldn’t I believe him?”

“Because he was manipulating you.”

“I didn’t see it at the time,” I tell him. “He made me think everyone hated me, everyone except for him. He got jealous if I had any friends, which were very few and told me to cut them off. He checked my phone constantly. He had this power over me that made me feel like I was no one without him. And he wanted things I wasn’t ready to give.”

“Mads,” Lucas breathes out, tightening his hold on me. “Please don’t tell me…” He trails off, his words clear.

“Whenever I would tell him I wasn’t ready or that I didn’t want to, he would get angry and call me a prude or childish. And it got to a point where…” I trail off, shaking my head. “He was sick of waiting, and I hated seeing him pissed whenever I turned him down, so I just… let him.”

“You let him?” Lucas asks, his tone sharp.

“I didn’t say no,” I admit.

“But did you want to?”

I shake my head, burying my head deeper in his chest. “No,” I admit, a sob catching in my throat. “I didn’t want to. But I didn’t want him to get angry.”

“What do mean angry?” he asks with a bite.

I hear the warning in his voice, and I spill the words out, wanting to tell him everything. “He had a temper,” I tell him. “Kicking chairs, punching walls, that sort of thing, but then…”

“Then?” His voice grows thick.

“He saw a text from a guy on my phone.” I shake my head, still remembering that day. How scared I was. How weak he made me. “He was just my science partner, but he thought something was going on, and I was seeing someone behind his back, so he smashed my phone, and to teach me a lesson, he shoved me in his closet.”

“What?” Lucas’s eyes narrow on mine.

More tears spill down my cheeks, but I force myself to breathe. “He pushed a chair against it so I couldn’t get out. I don’t even know how long I was in there for. I was terrified. It was cold and dark, and I couldn’t call anyone. I had no other company other than myself.”

“Fuck,” Lucas curses. “So, when you were in the elevator?”

I lift my head to look at Lucas, seeing his eyes wet, and it breaks me in half. I nod, forcing myself to continue. “And then, when the doors opened, he asked if I had learned my lesson. And I apologized,” I continue. “I told him I was sorry for talking to someone without telling him.” Lucas shakes his head, shivering in my arms as I continue. “He made me believe it was my fault.”

“Fuck,” Lucas curses, tightening his hold on me. “This is killing me.” His voice cracks and it makes me break down, more tears spilling down my face.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper.

“Fuck that,” he says. “You have nothing to be sorry about.” He wipes away my tears with his thumb. “That fucker is the one who’s going to have to be sorry.”

“He let me go home later that day,” I continue. “But I must have been in there overnight because my parents were worried sick when I finally got home.” I shake my head. “I lied to them,” I tell him. “I told them I stayed over at a friend’s house. I protected him, even after he did that to me. I still haven’t told them.” I blow out a breath. “The next day, he acted like nothing had happened, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t act like that was normal because I knew that if I had stayed with him, he would be taking his anger out on me instead of the furniture.”

“So what happened?” Lucas asks.

“As soon as I saw him again, I told him I wanted to break up. He yelled and made a scene in front of everyone. He grabbed my face so hard and kissed me, promising me it wouldn’t happen again. I was so embarrassed, I almost took him back just to shut him up.” Lucas’ breath stills. “But I didn’t,” I clarify. “I kept my distance, and blocked his number until he eventually moved on to someone else.”

“I’m so fucking glad you left him,” Lucas says, pressing his lips against my forehead.

“I regret not leaving him sooner, but… I guess we accept the love we think we deserve,” I say, wiping away the tear trickling down my face. “And he made me think I deserved to be treated that way for way too long until I realized it wasn’t worth it. I told myself that if that’s what love was, then I didn’t want it. That’s why I didn’t want a boyfriend. I didn’t want to be that weak ever again.”

Lucas lifts my chin up to look at him. “You are not weak,” he says, and even though his eyes are wet from tears, they’re turned to stone. “And that was not love. You are so fucking strong. Stronger than I ever thought possible, and he was a manipulative, abusive motherfucker who…” Lucas squeezes his eyes closed, and when he opens them, they’re filled with anger. “What’s his name?” he asks.

“What?” I raise my hand to wipe away my tears.

“His name, Madeline,” he asks again. “I’m not kidding. I’m going to fucking kill him.”

“He’s not worth it,” I tell him, knowing I’ve been in his position so many times before. How many times did I want to find him and throw a punch in his face? How many times have I thought about that night and the many others after that? How many times did I blame myself for what happened, for not saying no again?

“Damn right, he’s not,” Lucas says. “But you’re dead wrong if you think I’m going to let him get away with it.”

“Lucas, it’s been five years.”

“I don’t give a fuck,” he says, narrowing his eyes at me. “There’s no statute of limitations. I’m going to teach him a fucking lesson.”

“You can’t.”

“Why not.”

“Because he’s in prison,” I tell him. “Turns out I wasn’t the only girl that he liked to overpower.” My parents never found out we dated, but they had told me freshman year of college that he had gone to prison, and while I was relieved, all I wanted to do was tell them that it happened to me, too. That I was hiding something from them. But I couldn’t.

Lucas shakes his head, cradling my face in his hands. “Fuck, Mads. That isn’t good enough. He deserves worse for what he did to you.”

“I’m okay,” I tell him. “My parents made me go to therapy after Nia’s death, and I told her about him. I actually… told her about you, too.”

“You did?” he asks, with a smile on his lips.

I nod. “She said she’s proud of me for getting over the hurdle of never wanting to date ever again.” I breathe out a sigh. “I was so stuck on what he had done to me and who he had turned me into that I was actively putting every other guy in the same box.” I glance at him. “Including you.”

“And now?” Lucas asks, swallowing harshly. “Do you still feel that way?”

I shake my head, my heart drumming three little words. “I feel safe with you.”

He blows out a breath. “That is the best thing I have ever heard.” He presses his lips to my forehead. “You will always be safe with me,” he says. “You want to stop any time, even if I’m already inside you. All you have to do is say the word, and I’ll listen. Got it?”

I nod, pressing my lips together to stop from crying. I love him so much.

“Do you want me to leave?” he asks.

I shake my head, pulling him into me. “No, please stay. I can’t sleep without you anymore.”

A chuckle leaves his lips. “Look who’s needy now,” he jokes.

But he doesn’t even know the weight of his words. I need him so much that it should be scary how much power he has over me. But it isn’t. Not with him. “So needy.”

He kisses the top of my head and rubs his hands up and down my back. “Go to sleep, meu amor. I’m not going anywhere.”

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