The Unthinkable
Freddie

‘Uggrrhh!’

‘Sorry’ I whisper as Xander groans in pain under the rubbing alcohol. I pat it more gently against his wounds and as he flinches I apologise giving him time to recover.

‘How did you learn all this Lils?’ Anna asks as she holds Xander’s hand to ease the pain.

‘Back at home, my Nana would teach me useful things like this to earn money around the community. I was like the local nurse I guess’

I grab the pieces of cloth, that Anna ripped up for me, and I lay them on the wounds placing a few light weights on top to hold the pressure.

‘Leave the weights for an hour or so and then remove them. Wait a further twenty minutes before removing the cloth and if you do remove the cloth clean the wound and place down a fresh dressing.’

‘Thanks, Lils’ Anna hugs me tightly and I rub her back.

I walk away swearing that I can hear him mumble a ‘thank you’ but it is muffled and hardly audible. What was audible on the other hand was the conversation in the living room. I stand in the hallway joining the two rooms as I listen to the voices of Josh and Charly.

‘You watched all of that didn’t you?’ Josh croaks and I can tell he hasn’t been talking a lot as his throat sounds dry.

‘Yeah, they tied me up again’

‘I heard Lilie walk away from you there.’ Josh brought from nowhere.

He is answered with silence and I feel guilt crush me imagining Charly’s face right now.

‘I think she’s being wise about it’ He finally answers through a cracked voice and I can tell he is fighting back tears.

‘How?’ Josh asks curiously

‘Well look at Xander and Anna. They were so close as twins and the scientists broke them. Lilie doesn’t want to get attached to anyone because she doesn’t want to hurt anyone else.’

Charly really did just hit the nail on the head there stating my exact thoughts and intentions. The words make me feel even worse as I realise how much he understands me and listens to me.

‘So she’s doing this because she cares about us? God, I am such an asshole’ I hear Josh groan the last part and I smile slightly knowing he will be less harsh towards my actions now that Charly has explained them. At least that issue is off my chest.

I walk into the room going straight into the kitchen. I put the alcohol back in the cupboard and start washing the blood from my hands.

‘How is he?’ Charly asks leaning against the counter.

‘Better but his wounds are extreme and will take time to heal up’ I look to the floor nervously as I turn the tap off and go to walk away but Charly wouldn’t have it. He pulled me into his chest embracing me into a hug that I take it gratefully crying in his shoulder.

‘You know why…why I’m d-doing this right?’ I sob in his shirt.

‘Yes, Lilie. I understand fully. It will all be fine. We are all here for you’

He strokes my hair kissing my head.

I look up smiling at him.

‘But I will not hide my affection towards you because you want to keep me safe. We are both strong and there is no need to hide any emotion from me because it only stays with me’

Then I couldn’t help but catch his lips with mine as I thank him for his kind and brave words towards this nightmare we live in.

‘Want to get some sleep?’ I whisper to him and he nods taking my hand and walking into the bedroom with Anna and Xand. Then I remember Josh.

‘Oh, I’ll be there in a minute just got to go talk to Josh.’ He nods understanding removing his hand from mine and walking in the room without me.

I peer my head around the corner seeing Josh on the soft chairs his head in his hands. I walk over sitting next to him.

‘I’m sorry for what I did Josh. I-I used you, but I never meant too. I-I…’ Once again, I found myself sobbing weakly and once again I am embraced in open arms this time they are from Josh. He shushes me kindly stroking my arm.

‘I was just trying to help Freddie. She really likes you Josh and so do I. But I need you to know…that. That…Ch-Ch…’

‘I know how you feel about Charly. I get it Lilie. And I do like Freddie, but I guess your relationship with Charly really hurt me and it was hard to take everything in. I’m just hoping Freddie excepts me after everything that’s happened.’

I look up at him smiling and he catches this mirroring my happiness. As we sit together again as friends the front door opens rather aggressively as something is dropped inside along with an envelope. The door is closed immediately after to hide the messenger and I jump out of Josh’s arms to look at the mysterious object.

The package was just a pile of clothes along with a strand of hair and a square piece of card. I take the card first and I look up now finding Charly and Anna with Josh. I read the following aloud.

‘The Jaguar has fallen – I told you they would kill me’

Everyone looks down at the clothing in shock as we realise what has happened as everything looks familiar. The message confuses me still though. Why Jaguar? What even is a Jaguar? Is it a random nickname they have decided to call Freddie?

I push my curious thoughts back and embrace my vulnerable emotions as I cry into the pile of bloodied clothes. Freddie who I considered my best friend is dead and we don’t even know how she died. The scene from earlier runs through my head and I remember her words.

I don’t have a choice right now. If I fail then I die

They rush through my head and I cry louder trying to drown them out. When Charly goes to pick me up I shrug him off screaming out.

‘No! She’s gone!’

Then another memory comes back through my mind and yet again it isn’t a nice one.

You never loved me. It was always her

It pierces my heart as I realise the pain I put her through. I destroyed her heart that day when she saw me kissing Josh. I was so oblivious and such a bad friend and I never got to apologise.

As I crumble in a tight shaking and sobbing mess I clench her black tank top in my hand remembering the first day we met and the final memory breaks me completely.

I remember her broken face as we hide from Group A in the treetops and the few words rush around my head.

Why did you do this to me?

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