The Rejected Mate
chapter 18 : secrets

I've never been this close to him before, and it did weird things to me, especially my poor heart, which was beating at an abnormal phase that I feared it would literally jump out of my chest at any given rate, he knew how much he affected me, yet he looked unbothered.

I was frustrated at myself for letting these things get to me, I always tell myself that I'm over him and that I've a boyfriend now, but who am I kidding? You know the situation where you love the guy so much that no matter how much he hurts you, you end up going back? This sure felt like it, excluding the part where we weren't together.

Being a werewolf complicates this situation much more..we werewolves have heightened senses as well as emotions, and having a voice inside your head nagging at you to see their mate isn't exactly easy.

It's true when they say our emotions are the loudest when we're silent.

I snap my eyes to his stormy grey ones, I see a mixture of emotions brimming in them, sadness, longing, hurt. Which confuses me to no end. This is probably the first time I'm seeing some sort of emotion in his eyes other than coldness.

My eyes take in his Godly features, to his perfectly arched brows to his slightly crooked nose which might have been broken a few times definitely from a fight. His naturally plump pink lips which would make most females envious of them, to his sharp, chiseled and angular jaw which looked like it could caught through things. His neck which is covered in numerous tattoos, it covers almost all of his body.

They all seem to tell a story, I find a peek of a tattoo on his collar bone, a name perhaps which I couldn't read because it was covered by his dark t-shirt.

The feelings I've tried so hard to bury inside of me seems to come to surface without my knowledge. I thought I could live without him, maybe this is why the elders say that what you've with your mate is special, you are made to fit each other perfectly.

The anger I had inside of me all this time seem to dissipate all of a sudden.

My hands raise on their own accord, I slowly bring them close to his face, my fingers slowly come in contact with his flawless skin and his body seems to freeze in tension and he eventually relaxes. His tense shoulder sags as if he has been tired for too long, carrying the weight of all the world on his shoulders, being an Alpha Alpha isn't easy and I'm sure he’s a great one at that.

He brings his face close to mine if that's even possible, I wait with baited breath to see his next actions. He tilts his face and I close my eyes voluntarily.

My body seems to jolt with tingles all over them when I feel his soft, pillowy lips on mine, leaving a small peck there for a fleeting second and it's gone. I open my eyes to see that I'm all alone in my hospital bed.

It felt like a dream. I would've thought it was one If not for the lingering scent of the woods and rain.

'Why did I do that?" I ask to myself I felt so stupid kissing him eventhough it was only lasted for a few seconds. Why did I expect something from him? I always end up hurt, expecting things from him.

My eyes widen suddenly when I think about Matthew! What am I going to tell him?

(One week later)

It has been one week since I and Damien shared a moment in the pack infirmary after which Matthew, Courtney, Alex and my parents came in to see me fussing over me like I was a baby, it was a bit overwhelming but I felt loved. I also haven't seen Him after he left me at the infirmary, it felt like he was avoiding me, which I would've appreciated before but now it makes me frustrated for some weird reason.

Currently I and Matthew have come out for a walk, as I still couldn't shift due to the my still healing injuries, and in order to not reopen them I was told not to shift into my world form for two weeks which sucked as I liked running in my wolf form especially at night with the wind ruffling my fur. We both are sitting on the forest floor facing the stream, we both seem to be lost in our own thoughts. Just dwelling in the peaceful silence.

I still haven't told Matthew about the kissing thing and I'm afraid of his reaction, would he start hating ne and leave me?

I honestly don't think I can afford him hating me.

"Spill" my head snaps upto look at Matthew's but he is still looking at the stream in deep thought, occasionally throwing tiny pebbles at the water, which leads ripples to cause in them.

"What do you mean?" I try to act innocent.

"You've been twiddling your fingers together and twirling the ring on your finger in a circular motion, which clearly states that you've to tell me something and that you're nervous about it" he looks at me with a smug look on his face, damn it! I hate sometimes by how well he knew the smallest things about me.

I contemplate about things for a second...Should I tell him? Or not? Finally I decide to do it anyways as if I was in his postion I would like to know the truth.

"I and Damien kissed” I mumble in a low voice fearing what he'll say, I look down at the ground.

A finger hooks under my chin, bringing my face upto Matthew's, I thought I would see anger and disgust in them but instead I find, understanding in them.

"You're not mad?" I ask with my brows furrowed in confusion.

"Nope" he says and continues "I understand that you can't always control your actions and emotions Serenity, and at the end of the day, he's your mate. Life is short Serenity, and it would be stupid of me to hold grudge over something you clearly couldn't control. If you don't forgive someone for their actions, it'll only hurt you more than them in the end" he says and tears springs up my eyes in joy and happiness of knowing that I have such and amazing person in my life, but his last sentence had me really thinking. was I really hurting myself by holding a grudge against Damien for rejecting me?

I throw myself at him and hug him and squeeze him tight "have I told you that how much I appreciate your presence In my life and how much I love you and I honestly don't know what I'll do if you leave me too” I tell him and he seems to still for a moment but laughs eventually while rubbing his other hand in a circular motion on my back, I pull back and we both turn to look at the stream ahead of us.

I seem to feel like that something has been bothering him, he seems lost in his own thoughts which is not the Matthew I have come to know.

"Matthew" I call him making him snap his head towards my direction.

"Is everything okay? You seem lost" I ask him and I feel something like hesitancy cross over his features but he regains his posture and he replies with a smile "all is well, Serenity".

Then why do I still don't believe him and that he's hiding something?

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