The Human |✔|
Chapter 33

Song for the Chapter:

In the Name of Love by Martin Garrix and Bebe Rexha

***

Victoria's pov

Victoria don't do it, it's not worth it.

I'm not gonna do it. I was just thinking about it.

I'm not gonna do it....

.

.

"Thank you so much Lexi, I love it!" I squealed as I stared at my reflection.

I did it.

I quickly grabbed my things and rushed to my car, trying my best not to get my new hairdo wet in the rain. I got rid of my blonde ends, but after cutting them off, my hair then fell right below my breast in length.

I didn't like the length, so I got extensions which fell inches below my waist. It was a bit much, but I like long hair. They also gave it much more volume and life. I loved it.

Yes, only me would go and redo my hair when I'm in conflict with the love of my life. But what can I say? It's been a while and I've been wanting a new look.

I've had the time on my hands, and I had to get away from Nick's rambling about moving in with them until my house was done.

I was never planning on leaving Luka, but he really hurt my feelings, and I needed time away to think and calm myself down. I have a temper that could lead us both to hating each other, so I had to stay away until I felt like going back. It may seem weak that every time I had a conflict there, I left. But as they say, prevention is better than cure.

It was now Tuesday of the other week, and I actually felt like going back. It doesn't help that Lincoln and Emma have been spamming me everyday, but they get it.

I went to work yesterday, but my patient was released so I'll no longer be working there. I decided to take Luka up on his option which I had to agree was more convenient and rational.

Luka..

I'm sure Emma must've filled him in about the pregnancy test. I still couldn't believe he thought it was mine.

Ashley had come to us some days before that day freaking out. She said her wolf sensed that she was pregnant and she wasn't happy about it at first. She said she didn't know how to be a mother and she wouldn't be good at it.

After Emma and I calmed her down and assured her that she will be a great mom, she had planned to go directly to Caleb and tell him.

But I had other plans.

I've learnt that the male can't sense that their mate is pregnant until a month or two after. Since Caleb is Beta blood, it would most likely be sooner.

I was extremely excited about it, and I always wanted to do things like this with friends. So I decided to get a pregnancy test for her so she'll know before Caleb can confirm.

I'd originally planned that if she was indeed pregnant, we'd surprise him before he notices. When she took the tests, we immediately started planning. Given that his birthday was two weeks away, I got the idea to surprise him on his birthday.

It was suppose to be a secret from everyone else since we couldn't trust Ty, Luka or Lincoln to keep hush. But of course, Luka had found out about the pregnancy test.

I guess he saw it before hand, that's the only way he'd suspect anything. He didn't even give me a chance to explain. I was hurt when he thought it was me, but I was absolutely devastated when he used my biggest vulnerability against me.

That wasn't like him.

I knew he was probably hurting about my 'betrayal', and wolves and their anger was like fire on a gasoline path. But that was totally uncalled for.

I cried so hard that night, as I drove to Kera's. She gladly listened to my sob story while leaving out certain details of course.

She assured me that these things happen in relationships and offered me to stay as long as I wanted. Charlette even gave us the day off Friday, seeing that I was unstable.

We had a girl's day out, which was very refreshing and well needed, since Luka ruined the the one before with Emma and Ashley.

Unfortunately for me, Nick had heard some of the story and he hadn't stopped talking about how I shouldn't go back. It actually made me want to back more. I love Nick, but not this side of him.

So since then I've either been by myself thinking, at the house, or chilling at the diner while they worked.

I thought about going to Velma, but I had a feeling Jonah would've been there and I just couldn't deal with that situation while I'm in this situation.

But I think it's time to go home. I felt better. Still hurt, but better.

He hasn't called or texted since I left. I'd originally thought that he was still upset, but Emma told me that he knows the truth and is 'regretting' everything.

Yea right. Not even a text? I could be dead for all he knew.

*I'm coming home* I quickly sent a text to Emma before turning into Charlette's diner.

I hadn't brought along any clothes with me that night, but luckily I had some in the room that Charlette labelled as mine. So all I had to do was say goodbye for now.

The familiar sound of the bell rang as I entered the cozy little diner I've come to love. Nick was behind the counter and he smiled at me as I approached.

"Hey Nick. I'm heading back today so I came to say bye" His face scrunched into disappointment as he opened his mouth to say something, but a feminine voice saved me from the lecture that I was about to endure.

"Hey Vic" Kera greeted before he could utter a word, emerging from the back room. "Love the hair" She cooed, as I flashed it with a laugh.

Nick looked taken aback as he peered at my hair, just noticing the change. How could he not have noticed? Was it not obvious that I didn't have blond ends anymore? They were always so popping.

Men.

"I just came by to say bye, I'm heading home today"

"Home" Nick mocked with a not so pleasant look on his face. I really didn't like this side of him.

"Well it was a pleasure having you Vic" Kera said, avoiding Nick. "Don't wait too long before giving us another visit" She came across and gave me a warm hug. She always acted like I didn't see them every Friday.

"Leaving so soon? " Charlette finally appeared, embracing me in a motherly hug.

"Yep, my cat is there" I sighed as they all laughed.

"We'll see you Friday love. Be safe now and remember, if you love him, you can get through anything" She added, embracing me once again before I left.

I thought about what she said.

I knew we had to work through this, but I knew I'll never forget what he said to me. Every last word.

My anger rose for a split second before being replaced with hurt. I sighed, turning on the radio to drown my thoughts.

I wasn't expecting a long heartfelt apology or for him to be begging for forgiveness. Who knows? Maybe we'll just forget it happened and moved on.

But to be honest, I'm not sure what to expect.

***

"Ugh! Well you're ugly! "

I chuckled as I listened to the rambling between Ty and Emma as I quietly made my way to the kitchen after arriving just now. It was so funny that she said that, given that they are literally each other in different genders.

They didn't fight often, but when they do, it was always quite funny.

"Well good to see that everyone's still themselves" I made my presence known as I grabbed an apple and bit into it for dramatic effect. I watch way too many movies.

"Victoria!"

"Tori! "

"Yay girl's night!" I gave Emma a deadpanned look at her statement. "What? I already knew you were coming remember? But that doesn't mean I didn't miss you"

She grabbed me into a hug, soon after which Lincoln and Ashley joined.

"By the way, love the hair" I blushed as she ran her fingers through it.

"While your man have been sulking for five days, you're out getting a make over. I like your style" She winked, making me laugh nervously.

It was then and there that I noticed I was in the same house as him. I involuntarily looked around, seeing that he wasn't anywhere near here.

"He's in his room" Caleb said, looking down. "I haven't seen him like this since-"

"Ella" I finished for him, feeling a pang of guilt for the pain he has probably been going through.

"He hadn't come out since you left" Ty added. "Only for dinner and a beer, then he disappears again for 24 hours" He sighed, making me feel much worse.

"I'm sorry guys" I looked down, fiddling with my hair.

"You don't have to be sorry Vic. He's the one who messed up" Emma said soothingly. "I honestly thought you would've taken longer to come back"

"Speaking of, what did he do? " Caleb asked as my heart rate sped up.

"He...He accused me of some things I didn't do, then said some other mean stuff that I'd go a lifetime without hearing again" I muttered, giving them a look to say please don't question further.

One, because it would reveal Ashley's pregnancy which I hoped was still a surprise. And two, I really didn't want to repeat what happened.

Ashley gave me a pat on the back and a weak smile as I slowly made my way up the stairs.

I remained quiet in front of the door, pressing my ear against it so I could hear. But I didn't hear anything.

I gently pushed the door open and stepped inside, being met by the stench of alcohol and misery. I scrunched my nose up as I walked deeper into the room, and stopped in front of the bed.

There he laid, on his back inhaling and exhaling softly as he slept. I didn't want to wake him, but before I could reach the door I heard ruffling.

He's awake.

"Victoria? " He called, the word barely audible, sounding frail and desperate with a hint of relief.

I slowly turned around to face him, meeting his eyes instantly. He looked like a total mess to the point where you would've thought I left him for good.

His eyes were red and drained, and underneath them sat dark circles as if he didn't sleep in ages. He had a light stubble, and if I was being honest, my heart broke at the sight of him like that.

My feelings were all over the place. I was angry and hurt for what he did, but I still felt bad for being the reason he was like that. Well, to some sense.

"Hello Luka" I folded my arms over my chest, waiting for him to say something. He watched me for a while as if actually processing that I was really there.

"You're back" He whispered moving closer to me, but I stepped back as the stench of alcohol hit me.

"You've been busy" I commented, gesturing to our now ruined sheets. He sighed, rubbing his eyes, and that's when I noticed he had pills in his hands.

I peered at the bed, seeing two more bottles of pills. My eyes immediately started to water as my heart broke.

"What were you doing?" I whispered, stepping back a little. He looked at me confused, not knowing what I meant.

"You were really gonna do this? You were really planning to just leave me like that? You knew I would come back Luka!" Tears escaped my eyes as I watched him put two and two together.

"Victoria no I wasn't trying to..shit no you have it all wrong" He said. "I've been having headaches everyday, but the pills weren't working so I tried other ones. I just didn't bother to put back the ones I didn't use. Victoria, I'm passed that, I wouldn't give up that easy without trying to get you back"

"And you've been so busy doing that" I scoffed, wiping my eyes.

"Vic I'm so, so sorry" He took my hand and gazed into my eyes. "I was an idiot"

"You were"

"I should've just listened to what you were saying"

"Yes, you should've"

"But I was so blinded by my hurt and anger that I-" He sighed, looking down shamefully. "That I pushed you too far. I didn't mean those things Victoria, you have to believe me" He met my eyes once again, pleading with me to believe him.

"I believe you" I simply said. His face flooded with relief, but I wasn't done. "I do believe you Luka, but I do know that what ever you said, wasn't just random. Somewhere deep inside you held those doubts and thoughts"

"It's not like tha-"

"Look me in the eyes and tell me you didn't mean it" I stood firm.

"I didn't mea-"

"Before you found out the truth" I added. "Before you knew it wasn't mine, you damn well meant every word you said. It was after you learnt the truth that you regretted it, but before, you didn't regret saying everything you said to me"

"That's where you're wrong Angel. As much as I was in pain, it killed me to know that I hurt you, and that was before Emma told me everything". I sighed, as the lump in my throat got bigger.

"I know you hurt when I hurt, but that's not what I meant. You didn't just say what you said to hurt me. I know you Luka and I know you wouldn't just say shit to hurt me. That is how I knew you meant all that you said. Am I wrong? "

He sighed, but said nothing.

"You see that's the thing Luka. That is what hurt me the most. Not the words, but the fact that even after all this time, you still don't trust me. You still had doubts about me" More tears fell down my cheek as I continued.

"I've been with you through your phases from the very night I saved your life. I've had to uncover secret after secret on my own since you wouldn't ever tell me anything. I've been with you even when I found out that you're wolves for crying out loud!

"I've stayed when I knew you had some wolfy claim on me. I've stayed when I learnt that you're still and always will be in love with your passed mate. I've stayed when I found out that I'm practically the living twin of her Luka! I HAVE STAYED BY YOU! " I couldn't contain my tears as they continued to spill.

"Everything that should've pushed me away didn't. I stuck by you and gave up everything for you! My house, my human friends, my job! And for what? For you to find a damn pregnancy test and believe it's mine!? There's a freaking mated wolf in the house Luka! Why would it be mine?" I closed my eyes as I tried to contain myself.

"I know you haven't known me long, but after all that you've put me through and I still stuck by you, I would've at least thought you'd trust me" I met his eyes once again, seeing them filled with tears.

"I'm sorry that I put you through this " I gestured to the bed and himself. "But I had to clear my head, see where I'm actually at with you"

"You don't have need to have second thoughts about that Angel, you know you're my heart" He croaked out, attempting to hold me again.

"Am I? Or am I just a fraction of what you couldn't have? Am I just the make up for what you lost? Am I just here to keep you happy so you can take over the pack again? Am I really anything more to you than just a backbone? I've been helping you up and keeping you up, but the moment something happens, you show me what you really think about late at nights."

Stay strong Victoria.

"Then you had to use that one thing against me, to ensure that you really got me didn't you? Yes I know, I was always alone. I've always been and deep down, I still feared that I will be one day again. But accusing me of using you as a means to escape my loneliness? That was just low Luka. Just low" I tried to keep my tears at bay as I gathered everything I needed to say.

"I would've done alllll this just to use you? I would've let you do this" I pointed at the mark on my neck, "Just to escape loneliness? " I scoffed as I shook my head in disbelief.

"I know I was a mess but I wasn't that desperate Luka. I did it all because I love your stupid ass, not because I was alone. And that's the reason I came back too, because deep down I knew I wouldn't be able to stay away from you, and I didn't want you doing this either " I pointed to the mess in the room.

"Speaking of. You should really find better ways of dealing with your grief Luka. In life, shit happens! You can't just sulk in your room every time something happens" I dried my tears once again, hoping that they were actually done now. "You're suppose to be stronger than this. Yes I know it's hard but ruining yourself won't fix it"

"It's not that easy Victoria" He whispered, looking down.

"I know it isn't. Hell, It's been so hard for me the past few days, and I know it's a hundred times worse for you. But what if I die in a few years huh? " His eyes widened at my question, looking genuinely scared.

"You're gonna put everyone through this again? You're gonna put your pack and your family through that again? Wake up Luka. You're not the only one who's affected by your actions. And since everyone else is afraid of telling you, then I will.

"Your people suffer when you act like this. You're supposed to be strong, be an example to them, not bring them down with you. I'm not saying you shouldn't be sad when shit happens. Take a week to sulk, go ahead. But you have to learn to stand up, be in control of your own pain and grief before it takes control over you AND consume you. I've had to learn that at a very young age, and I suggest you learn it too"

As much as I didn't want to, I made my way to the door, leaving him to his thoughts.

"Don't you worry, I'll be staying with Emma tonight. You just need to get cleaned up and all that"

"Victoria wait!" I stopped in my tracks, but didn't turn around to face him. "I know I messed up, and I'll spend everyday making up for it but please don't go. I'm so sorry for doubting you, and I'm so sorry for hurting you. And you're not just an object of support for me, you're my love, my life. I love you Victoria" His voice cracked at the end, and I resisted the urge to cry again.

"Don't worry, I'm not leaving. I made a promise to you and your family, and I intend to keep it" I whispered, knowing well he heard.

"Baby please-"

"I'll see you later Luka" I left before he could say anything else. I knew what ever I said had to be said and I'm not ashamed that I did.

I'll come around once I let the hurt go. I knew he really was sorry, I could see it in his eyes as he held back the tears. But right now, I'll give him time to forgive himself before I can forgive him.

Because one thing I knew, all that sulking that he did wasn't just because he was sad. It was because he blamed himself, wallowing in his own regret. He did it for Ella, and he did it again these past few days.

Once he learnt how to overcome that, he'll be stronger than ever. But he needs time.

It's just for him to decide how long that'll be.

I did my part, it's time for him to do his.

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