I can’t lose them too.

The hospital’s waiting room is full of my brothers as we wait for word on the status of everyone. Bullet is in surgery, because the crash busted up his ribs, collapsed his lung, and they are monitoring him in case he has some serious head injuries. The doctor told Stone, King, and Torque that they aren’t sure how he is alive, but they would do everything they could to save him.

Izzy and Kaleb are still unconscious, but that is due to medical intervention. Both have some brain swelling, along with some scrapes and bruises, but otherwise they’re fine. The seatbelts, and in Kaleb’s case, the airbag, saved their lives.

Rose and Sage are different stories. Rose is the worst off. She is also in surgery to mend a broken arm and wrist, reduce the massive swelling in her brain, and internal bleeding. Her chance of survival is lower.

Sage is much the same, but they managed to get her internal bleeding stopped and now are repairing the broken bones. Her chance of recovery is higher, but she’s not out of the woods. Only time will tell if she survives.

King, Stone, and Torque don’t speak, they just silently lean on each other, even as Hammer moves to them and speaks to them quietly. I don’t know what he says, but King shakes his head and walks away, going to the window on the other side of the room. He stares out of it, and I can see the fury rolling off him. The grief and despair at knowing he might lose not one, but three people he loves and cares about deeply.

I don’t know why I walk over, but I stand beside him saying nothing. He spares me a sideways glance before returning his gaze straight ahead. “Thank you,” he finally says quietly, his voice like ground glass. “Thank you for saving her.”

“I don’t need thanks,” I answer. “She’s your mother by blood, but she’s mine by choice. I would never have left her there.”

He gives a clipped nod. “But you were the one who got her out before it blew. I was terrified,” he whispers. “So fucking scared that I would lose her. And I still might. I might lose them all.” His voice cracks on the last words.

My chest burns with emotion as I look back out the window. I know I’m still in shock, unable to process what’s happened. I keep a tight grip on my emotions, my memories. “They’re fighters,” I tell him firmly, with a strength that I don’t feel. “Sage will fight with everything in her to get back to you, and then give you shit for underestimating her. Your parents will too. None of them are weak people, and when they make it out of this, they’re going to be out for blood.”

“I want that bastard’s head on a pike,” King hisses. “I want him dead, Shadow.”

“Me too, brother,” I say quietly. “Me too. And we’re going to make it happen.” It’s a solemn vow.

A commotion behind us has us turning around and see Simon, Leonora, Alice, Dale, Sloan, and Raven rushing toward us. All of them are pale with worry, and I can see tears in Leonora and Alice’s eyes as they reach us. “How are they?” Raven demands, dark eyes wide with fear.

“They’re in surgery,” Stone tells her heavily. “Izzy and Kaleb are in recovery, but we’re not allowed to see them yet.”

Simon nods once. “I’ll make sure they have the best care available,” he vows before he turns and heads for the desk.

Leonora and Alice hug Torque and Stone, who hug them back tight. Raven heads for King, who looks at her like he’s not sure if he should hug her or not. She doesn’t give him a choice. She pulls him tight, holding him, and burying her face in his chest. “They’ll make it,” she muffles against his chest. “They will.” I’m not sure if it’s a plea or a decree, but I know that if Raven could, she would force her way into those operating rooms to make it happen. It’s no secret how close she is to Bullet and Rose. Hell, to Sage too.

King doesn’t answer her, but I see the despair in his eyes as he clings onto her, holding on to her like a lifeline.

I step aside, needing to be away from the emotion boiling through the room. It’s battering at me, and my already strained mind is thinning even further.

I look at the room full of people, and I can’t help but think of the stark contrast after my team died in that firefight. My team lay in the dirt, bleeding and rotting as I had to continue, on the orders of our commanding officers, because the people I was rescuing were more important than the team I just lost. That I dragged out of there on my own.

This… this is family. Coming together and hoping for the best. Ready to fight with anyone who gets in the way of that. The Lincolns will use their influence to make sure they all have the best, the Lanes will be here for moral support, and my brothers will keep watch over the people most important to us.

I need to get back to work. I can’t stand here and wait. I turn and head for the stairs. I don’t announce my departure, because I don’t want an audience. I’m going to find this son of a bitch, and I’m going to make him pay.

I couldn’t have justice or vengeance for my team. But I can for this.

When I walk out of the hospital, I let myself breathe. I haul in a lungful of air before I head for my bike. It’s scratched and dented and I don’t give a fuck. I rode it here behind the ambulances after the paramedics checked out my back. My cut saved me from any burns and debris, and now it’s time to prove why that symbol is worth dying over.

“Shadow,” Viper calls behind me. I straddle my bike and look up at him. He looks down at me with too-wise eyes. “I’m coming with you.”

“Then you hurry the fuck up,” I tell him coldly, then I turn on my bike and roar out. I hear him behind me, but I don’t stop to make sure he’s keeping up.

I head back to the crash site, but there are even more lights and sirens further ahead, and I head for those. I slow as I near, following the directions of the cops at the scene to go around. I don’t need to look closely to know that the SUV currently burning on the side of the road is one used to try to kill my family.

I don’t stop until I reach the clubhouse, Crypt opening the gate for me as I roar past him. I barely glance at him. I don’t need another reminder of my past. Not now.

I park at the clubhouse and head up the steps. I walk in and fury rages through me when I see the club girls laughing and acting like all is right in the world. They’re all dressed in skimpy outfits, and when they see Viper and I, coy smiles appear on their faces. “Where is everyone?” Shyla purrs at me as she stands, pushing out her chest at me.

“Shut the fuck up,” I snarl at her. Her face contorts in shock, followed quickly by anger. “All of you get the fuck out,” I bellow at them, furious they can sit here like nothing is wrong. “Do not come back until you are told you can.”

“What the hell?” Shyla snaps. “Why are we leaving? You can’t order us around, Shadow,” she sneers.

My anger threatens to boil over, and I take a step toward her. “That is where you’re wrong,” I hiss. “You are here as a courtesy, not a right. You have two minutes to get your shit and get out. Do not test me or I will make sure you are never allowed back, got me?”

The other women must see the wisdom of my words because they rush to grab their things. Some head upstairs to grab a few items, but Shyla looks like she’s ready to keep arguing. With all the venom of his namesake Viper seethes, “Get gone, Shyla. That’s an order.”

She must finally realize just how serious we are because she shuts her mouth and stomps over to the bar to grab her purse. “Fuck you both,” she snarls at us. “Fuck this club and fuck all of you assholes. Including Bullet and Rose.”

I see red at her disrespect. Before I can reach for her, Viper is past me, scooping her up, and carrying her kicking and screaming out of the room. He shoves her out the door and then pulls out his phone. “Crypt,” he barks. “Need you up at the clubhouse to make sure that Shyla is off our property. Now.” Then he hangs up.

I stand in the middle of the room and take in the half-empty beer bottles and unfinished plates of food from whatever dinner the brothers were eating earlier. It’s going on nine o’clock and the sun is finally setting. Everything stopped when the call came in, that’s clear.

“What are we doing?” Viper asks me.

I look over at him. “We’re finding out who did this,” I tell him grimly. “By any means necessary.”

Viper gives a curt nod. “And you have a plan?”

I don’t, but I know the only way to get intel is to go to the source. “We need to grab one of Dmitri’s men and find out what he knows,” I tell him as I head for the steps. “If this was under his orders, they’ll know.”

“And if it was?”

I stop at the bottom of the steps and look back at him over my shoulder. “Then we go to war,” I answer and then hurry up to my room. I grab another gun from my safe since mine was confiscated at the scene, and as much ammunition as I can carry. I turn around and look at the picture on my dresser. It’s of me standing with Bullet and Rose the day I got my patch. Rose has her arms around my waist, beaming at the camera, while Bullet stands beside me, stoic, but pride clear in his eyes.

Bullet and Rose pulled me out of my own personal death spiral. I owe them everything.

I walk back out and downstairs and find Viper already waiting for me, gun in hand, and loading ammunition in the pocket of his cut. His face is grim, and without another word, we walk outside.

I go to my bike but stop when I see Crypt standing there. “You need help?” he asks.

“You’re a Prospect, Crypt,” Viper tells him calmly when I don’t answer.

Crypt knows but he holds my gaze. “But you know my skill set. You want to find who did this, you use me.”

Viper looks at me, but I finally ask, “Who’s manning the gate?”

“Carson,” Crypt answers. “He made sure the women, including the screeching one, were off the property.”

“He left a burning SUV down the road,” I say finally. “He would have had to flee on foot. Track him, see where he went, and let me know what you find.”

Crypt nods. “I’ll have an answer in an hour,” he tells me before he turns on his heel and strides away.

“An hour?” Viper says as he straddles his bike with a shake of his head.

I would be skeptical too, but I know Crypt, and he’s damn good at what he does. And I need someone I can trust. That list is very small right now. So instead of arguing with Viper, I turn on my bike. We head out past the now only smoking SUV while the crews clean up, and past the cops at the accident site.

I don’t look at any of them as I pass. I don’t need to see what I’ve already seen. What I’ve already lived.

We go into the city and I head right for Volos Auto Garage. It’s a known spot for Dmitri’s men, and I’m starting there. No point in wasting time. Viper follows behind me as I make my way inside.

When we walk in, everyone looks at us, and I zero in on the man sitting in the corner. I don’t need to know who he is to know he’s one of Dmitri’s men. His bright blue eyes are hard as ice as they take us in. I note the stiffening of his shoulders and the way his hands carefully move up in his lap. “Touch your gun and I’ll kill you where you sit,” I tell him coldly, ignoring every other person in the room.

His hands pause, but the fury in his eyes is clear. “Kill me and you will feel the wrath of everyone in this building,” he grits out, his accent a little less thick than the others but clear enough.

“Then isn’t this just my lucky day?” I say with a cold smile. “Because with the mood I’m in right now, I’d take pleasure in killing every last one of you scumbags. Now, I’m going to ask you a question, and you’re going to answer me.”

The man slowly stands, and he’s my height, so he stares me in the eye with no fear. “You think you can come in here making demands, podonok?” he snarls at me. “You got a lot of balls. Wait til the boss hears about this.”

“Yeah, well, I’d be perfectly happy to talk to your boss right now,” I return. He doesn’t react to my words.

“What do you want?” he asks after a long, tense moment of silence.

“I want to know who ordered the hit on our women and us,” I say, my fury barely concealed. The surprise in his eyes is fleeting, but it’s there and it’s enough for me to guess that either he doesn’t know because he’s low on the need-to-know list, or he knows that Dmitri didn’t order the hit.

Finally, a smirk pulls at his lips. “Am I supposed to be sad?” he sneers at me. “Far as I’m concerned, the less of you around, the easier it is for us.”

“He really is stupid,” Viper drawls darkly behind me. “I think he wants you to shoot him, Shadow. Maybe we should accommodate him.”

“I’m thinking the same thing,” I agree. The guy’s fingers twitch like he’s anxious to reach for his gun, but the look on my face stops him.

“I don’t have anything to do with whatever you’ve got going on here,” the guy finally says. “And even if I did, I wouldn’t be saying shit to you.”

My phone rings and I step back, just as Viper steps forward in a practiced move. I put the phone to my ear. “Yes?” I ask.

“Found tracks and they lead right back to the clubhouse,” Crypt says bluntly.

“Thanks,” I say, then I hang up the phone. Fury washes through me. Our mole tried to kill us. To kill Bullet, and to kill everyone in that car. Whether or not those were Dmitri’s orders remains to be seen. But I doubt the lowlife in front of me will know what those orders were. I resume my position next to Viper and say, “You tell Dmitri that if he ordered this hit, I’ll personally rip his head from his neck.”

Then I turn and head for the door. Viper follows behind me, guarding my back, and we head for our bikes. “What do you got?” Viper asks as we straddle our bikes.

“Crypt found tracks leading from that burning SUV right back to the clubhouse,” I say tightly.

“Fucker,” Viper hisses, his face darkening with his fury. “And now we have a mole at the hospital.”

“Call Sniper and get people outside their rooms. Our mole would be stupid to try again with that many people there, but I don’t want to chance it. Don’t tell King, Stone, or Torque, because with everything going on, they could go off the handle.”

“What are we going to do?” Viper asks.

I shake my head. “We can’t do anything for now. I need to clear my head.”

“You alright?” Viper asks, concern clear in his eyes.

I stare out at the street and then look back over at the garage. Through the window, I can see our guy on the phone, and I already know who he’s talking to. I’m so angry, and it’s taking everything I have not to get off my bike and go pound the guy into the ground.

“I need to clear my head,” I repeat, and then I turn on my bike and drive away. I don’t stop until I arrive at a place I promised myself I wouldn’t visit again unless I absolutely had to.

The sky is dusky when I get to the cemetery. The cool orange of the sunset over the hills should be calming, but I ignore it as I pull my bike along the side of the road, and walk towards the grave standing sentry at the top of the hill. I reach it, and I stare at it.

Samantha Nolans.

Her family moved away not long after she was buried, too tired and sad to be haunted daily by their memories. I don’t blame them. But right now, I wish it was hundreds or thousands of miles away. I hate it with everything in me at this moment that I know that Rose or Bullet or Sage could be lying right here next to her.

I stare at her headstone and the memories flash hard and fast. The firefight; the explosions of whatever the enemy threw our way; the screams of agony, right before death, both from my team and the men they killed; the smell of burning flesh and blood; and finally, the silence. I squeeze my eyes shut tight, trying to make them stop, but they don’t.

Then it’s images of pulling my team out of the line of fire. Of pulling Armon out of the middle of the open clearing where he fell, his blood on my hands as I tried to keep from getting shot. I radioed for help, but nothing came back to me. Or if it did, I don’t remember. Armon was gone before I got him to cover. Same with the rest, including Sam.

Sam had been the last to be hit, and I watched as the bullet hit her in the throat. She fell to the ground, her weapon falling from her hand.

“Sam!” I screamed, ignoring the hail of bullets, everything, as I raced for her, my own weapon firing at everyone and everything I could. When I reached her, she was staring up at me, light fading from her eyes, and her mouth opening and closing as she tried to speak. I begged her to stay with me, but I knew there was no hope. No one could survive that, but I didn’t leave her until she was gone.

Then I got back up and got back to work. Numb, angry, and grieving, but it pushed me to end it all. So I pulled the pin from my last grenade and threw it far enough that it took out most of the people still firing on me. The rest retreated, and then it was silent.

“Fuck,” I hiss out, emotion clawing at me as I stare at her grave. Anger burns through me. Despair and grief grip me by the throat. “You never should have died, Sam,” I grit out, the words barely making it past my lips. “I should have protected you. I should have pulled you out and kept you with me that day, but you were being your stubborn fucking self and refused to fall back. So I watched you die. Now it’s happening all over again with Rose. And Bullet and Sage. I don’t know if you can hear me, but if you can, put in a good word for them. Do not let me lose them. Do not let them meet you yet, wherever you are. I need them here with me more than you do. Please.”

Nothing. The only sound is the wind. Not that I expected anything else. Heart aching, I turn away, and check my phone but see no updates from anyone. I need to get back to the hospital, so I walk back down to my bike and straddle it. I glance back at the stone, heart heavy. Then I turn on my bike and drive away.

But I don’t go to the hospital. Instead, I turn at the next intersection and keep on driving.

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