I miss Church.

I scrawled the words across Ashes’s palm three weeks after Church had left us. He hardly ever called. From what I understood, Ashes had asked him about that. His answer was that it was easier not to. That he trusted everything was going well here for us.

I supposed that translated into no news was good news, but that didn’t make me miss him any less.

“I know, baby.” Ashes kissed the top of my head. We’d just finished eating dinner and were relaxing on the couch.

The urge to go to my room and take a photo of myself, then send it to Church was overwhelming me. The little dark part of my soul was definitely encouraging it.

“Want to smoke?” Stitches asked, pulling a joint out and looking to Ashes.

“Fuck, why not.” Ashes got up, but not before kissing my head again. Stitches tilted my chin up and dropped a sweet kiss on my lips before he went out to the back patio with Ashes. Ashes’s lighter’s red glow illuminated them for a moment as they lit the joint.

Deciding it was now or never, I went upstairs to Church’s room, my phone in hand, and lay in his bed in my white nightgown.

Carefully, I took a photo of myself sprawled in his bed, hoping I looked seductive and not like a nervous wreck. I’d never sent anything racy to anyone in my life. My goal was to get him to video home. He hadn’t done that yet with me. It was always to the guys. Even all his calls were made to Ashes or Stitches. None to me. I didn’t expect him to call, though. It wasn’t like I could blame him. Who would want to call and listen to someone breathe on the other end?

Instead, he’d call one of the guys, and they’d relay his messages to me. He missed me. He’d be home soon.

But soon wasn’t coming fast enough, and I was growing frustrated.

Drawing in a deep breath, I sent him the photo and waited nervously for his reply.

It felt like forever that I stared at his ceiling before my phone buzzed. Excitedly, I looked to see that he was requesting a video call with me.

Using a shaky finger, I accepted the request.

His handsome face came onto the screen.

“Specter,” he greeted me in his deep voice. “My naughty girl.”

My heart banged hard as he leaned forward, his shirt off.

“What are you doing all alone in my bed? Where are Ashes and Stitches?”

I bit my lip and moved the camera so he could see the window. Hopefully, he got my meaning.

He smirked at me. “I understand. So you thought you’d tease me?”

I stared at him, noting how tired he looked. All I wanted to do was reach through the screen and hug him. Thinking about the awful things he was doing at home made my stomach twist with a sickness I didn’t know I could have.

“Well.” He sat back and raised his brows at me. “Take off your clothes so I can see you, baby.”

I stayed sitting for a moment before I got up, propped my phone on his dresser, and backed away. Slowly, I removed my nightgown, panties, and bra, my arms moving to cover the scars I now had.

“I want to see all of you,” he husked out while sitting in his chair, smoking something.

I let my arms fall away so he could see me.

“Fuck, you’re beautiful,” he said, his voice thick with want. “You don’t know how much I’ve missed you, specter. You’re in every fucking thought I have.”

My heart lifted at his words.

“Give me something else to think about, OK? Can you do that for me, baby?”

I gave him a small nod that seemed to please him because he smiled.

‘I want you to lay on the bed with your legs spread. Can you do that?’

I hesitated for a moment before moving back to the bed and doing as he requested, my nerves taking over, making my legs tremble.

‘Relax, baby. This is the fun part. I promise. Spread your legs for me so I can see that pretty pink pussy.’

I felt the heat sweep over my body, but I spread my legs wider for him.

‘There you go. I like that.’

I watched as he pulled his dick out and stroked it slowly, his green eyes filled with want.

‘Do you have any idea what I want to do to you right now?’

I shook my head, not sure what I would even say if I could say anything.

He chuckled as he continued to stroke himself.

‘Touch yourself for me.’ His words sent a shiver up my spine. Nervously, I let my fingers wander between my legs and gingerly slid my fingers through the folds, noting the wetness.

“Fuck, you’re a real sweet girl, aren’t you?” His deep voice sent goosebumps popping along my skin. “Taste yourself for me.”

I blinked, nervous about doing such a thing.

“What’s wrong? Scared?” He let out a soft laugh. “Don’t be scared. I promise that pussy tastes like magic, baby. Do it. It’ll make me so fucking turned on to see you do that for me.”

I drew in a calming breath and put my damp fingers to my lips, and sucked on them. The groan that slipped from his lips made me ache with want inside.

“Fuck, what are you doing to me, specter?” he called out, stroking himself faster. “I want you to come with me, baby. Fuck your tight pussy with your fingers.”

I’d never done anything like this before.

Nearly deciding this was too much for me, I paused, the little bit of darkness peeking out to survey what I was doing.

Maybe it wasn’t darkness. Maybe it was bravery. Bravery that was angry and fed up with being who I was. I wanted to be more. I wanted people to know I couldn’t be messed with. I couldn’t be pushed around.

I’d spent my life being a ghost.

That needed to end.

But fear. . . fear was who I was right now.

“Specter?” Church’s deep voice interrupted my confusing thoughts.

I squeezed my eyelids closed and ran my fingers through my damp folds, the sparks of electricity soaring through me.

With my breathing ragged, I touched myself for Church, earning his groan of approval.

“Push a finger into your pussy for me. There you go. That’s my girl,” he rasped.

Opening my eyes again, I slid my finger in and out for him, doing everything he demanded of me.

“Fuck yourself for me, baby. Two fingers. Perfect. There you go. God, you look so fucking perfect right now.” His movements had become faster, his breathing heavier. “Rub your clit now. Yeah, just like that. Go faster for me. Can you go faster?”

I did as he instructed, the heat slowly taking hold of me.

“Squeeze your tit, specter. Yes, perfect. Like that. You enjoy touching yourself for me?”

I nodded, feeling breathless from the impending pleasure stirring between my legs.

“Fuck, you look good like that. When I get home, I’m going to fuck you so hard you’ll scream for me. I love it when you scream.”

I worked my finger quicker, continuing to squeeze my breast, before I rolled my nipple between my fingers.

“Look at me. Eyes on me, specter,” he grunted, his hand moving like a blur along his cock. “When you come, I want me to be the one you see. Understand?”

I let out a soft whimper of confirmation that made him groan.

It hit me like a ton of bricks. The heat. The pleasure. It rolled through my body.

I came hard, my eyes on him, my release gushing free from me in a wet mess, soaking his sheets. His feral groan followed, letting me know he’d gotten off with me.

We both sat panting for several long moments before Church let out a soft laugh.

“Oh, specter. You are so full of surprises.”

I sat and pulled his sheet over my body. He’d moved the phone so it was focused on his handsome face, his green eyes illuminated in the light from the screen. I brought the phone closer to my face and stared at him, missing him so much my heart hurt.

“I’m coming home soon,” he said gently. “I’m sorry I don’t call as much as I should. Honestly, specter, it pains me to see you and know I’m not there. Seeing you makes me want you even more, and that’s dangerous when I’m here, but fuck, baby, I miss you.” He exhaled. “I love you more than life itself, Sirena. I’m always watching over you. I’ll be home soon, OK?”

I nodded, my eyes burning with unshed tears.

“Thank you for tonight. Soon, I will hold you in my arms again and make love to you in our cemetery. Be my sweet, strong girl. Keep the guys happy, but give them hell when you need to. I like knowing they’re scrambling.” He smiled at me as I wiped at my eyes. “I would slay the entire world for you, Sirena. Sweet dreams, my little ghost.”

The feed cut off, leaving me in silence and sadness.

The call should have made me feel better, but it made me feel worse. All I wanted was to hold him. Love him. Be with him. All of us together, but as long as his father and the monsters were calling the shots, it would be this way.

What I needed to do was find Adam and just start the fight here and now.

The darkness ebbed through me, making me inhale deeply.

I focused on it, feeling it taint the edges of my light.

Someday, I’d have to be brave enough to embrace it. Today wasn’t that day, though.

Today, I curled around Church’s pillow and closed my eyes, wishing I could change things and knowing that without strength, I’d never get to. Wishing I could love the men I loved, all of them, even the ones I dare not whisper their names.

Maybe tomorrow would change it all.

It was the best I could hope for.

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