Sincerely
Chapter 3: Deckard

When I left Elias’ place, I used my interface to find the nearest library, by now it was almost noon. I found it easily, but it wasn’t the quiet haven I expected it to be. There must have been some kind of event going on because the place was crawling with people and books. I looked around nervous unsure where to start, Carlos had me read many books all of which I ended up liking by the end but I had no clue how to find a book I would like myself.

I was also worried about these people recognizing me and turning me in even with my new looks and programming. I was drawn to a billboard that had postings on it of future events and jobs. I looked them over because Elias said I would need a job, I had no idea what I could do or wanted to do, like with finding a book, I felt helpless like a child. I had no clue how the real world worked.

I picked one of the posters from the board about a food drive figuring the drive couldn't be that hard and found a book that was more of a comfort read, that I had read before rather than a new read. “Because We’ll Never Meet” by Leah Thomas.

I slipped out of the library to the coffee shop next door and hunkered down in a back booth hoping the workers and customers would leave me and my book alone. That didn’t happen. First, the workers asked if I was going to order and I politely refused, saying I wasn’t hungry, if I told them I was a robot they’d wonder where my indicator was.

I could feel eyes on me in the library, and I could feel them on me again now, but I didn’t dare look, afraid I would attract attention.

“Hey,” someone called, startling me, I almost dropped the book.

I looked up and saw a man with dark hair and eyes standing beside my booth. He was wearing a black shirt and a brown leather jacket with black jeans I observed quickly.

“Do you mind if I sit here?” he asked pointing to the seat across from me in the booth.

Telling him no would be considered rude, right? Even if there were other empty seats around. He was holding a coffee and a donut, he had no indicator so he was human.

I shrugged not looking to make conversation.

“What’s your name?” he asked, setting his coffee and donut down and taking the seat.

I looked up at him as if the question was supposed to be more than just a question.

“Deckard,” I answered finally.

“I’m Lev,” he introduced himself holding out his hand.

I glanced at his hand, I knew about handshakes but I was worried he'd sense something if he touched me, but again I didn’t want to be rude or draw attention so I complied. I set the book down, carefully marking the page and shook his hand.

“I see you’re looking into the food drive,” he continues pointing to the poster I’d taken off the board.

I looked back at it, almost having forgotten about it because I was so wrapped in the book and my memories and Carlos.

“Yeah, I need a job,” I comment quietly.

“The event’s on Sunday, I could introduce you to some of the people there, I work with a lot of them,” he retorts.

I still felt nervous but knew if I didn’t blend in with the humans, they would find me and I wouldn’t last long after if they believed everything Huxley said.

“Sure, I guess, thanks,” I reply.

“Do you want to meet there?” he inquired lightly.

I looked at him for a second, again sensing there was more to the statement but not sure if there was or if I was just being paranoid.

“Sure,” I reply.

Suddenly, Lev hunkered down like I had when I entered the coffee shop, I looked up and spotted one of the workers coming our way.

“You with him, Lev?” she comments sounding mad. “I was about to kick him out for not being a paid customer.”

I rolled my eyes. I just wanted peace and quiet and to read my book.

“I told you I wasn’t hungry or thirsty, I just wanted a quiet place to read my book. I thought libraries were supposed to be quiet,” I hissed and then muttered knowing this wouldn’t have happened if the library hadn’t been loud and crowded with people.

Lev waved the worker off. She left but didn’t look any happier.

“Are you sure?” Lev asks. “I could buy you something,” he offers.

I knew he was probably just trying to be nice but it set me off. I wanted to be alone and all these people just wanted to bother me.

“I’m fine,” I hiss.

Lev shrugged going quiet and just eating his donut and drinking his coffee and not saying anything else. I bury my head back in my book for a while, embarrassment came to mind as well as guilt before I set the book back on the table again looking at Lev but not directly.

“Sorry,” I finally spit out. “A lot has happened in the last twenty-four hours. I kind of just want to be left alone,” I continue quietly.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asks quietly.

I wished I could, but I knew there was nothing to stop him from running to the police once he knew who I truly was.

“I can’t—” I spat out. “Not now.”

“That’s fair, we just met. Maybe you’d feel more comfortable talking to someone you know better,” he comments.

No one knew me now, aside from Elias and he didn’t seem to be up to talking about emotions. I wish I could spill to someone how I was feeling. The grief, the sadness, the flashing memories I had of Carlos, that was all I had left of him because Huxley had killed him and named me the number one suspect.

“I’m sorry, too for intruding, I’ll see you on Sunday. Maybe it would be better if you went home and read the book so Alyssa doesn’t bother you, either,” he continues.

I had no home. Not only had Huxley robbed me of Carlos, but my home, too.

“Yeah, see you,” I reply quietly not knowing what else to say.

He got up and left the coffee shop and I left shortly after and walked back to Elias’ place.

I couldn’t stop thinking about Lev for a while after and how kind he was even with how rude I acted. Maybe we could be friends, humans had friends, and I would need those if I were to blend in. He seemed open to the idea, too.

“How did it go?” Elias asked.

“Nobody suspected anything,” I replied not looking at him.

He went into his room without so much as another word, I was glad because I wanted to be left alone again.

The last time before the night Carlos was murdered that I had seen Huxley was running through my head. Carlos had sent me over to talk to him about his will, since the argument they’d had about his fund and him not being able to support himself had happened he had wanted the will changed so that if he didn’t have the means to support himself without his father’s money he would get less, but Huxley wouldn’t agree to sign off on that so I went back to Carlos empty handed. I remember feeling something I could now identify as disappointment.

“I didn’t think he was going to agree to it, don’t worry about it,” Carlos stated lying back.

I missed Carlos, helping him with his stories, reading his books and him giving me books to read. He and I had what I imagined a son and his father relationship was supposed to be like, maybe Huxley was jealous and that was why he killed Carlos, he was mad at me. You could destroy me, but I could be replaced so he killed Carlos and to get away with it he blamed me.

I didn’t know how or what to do with these feelings and memories so they just kept spinning around in my head.

Sunday was still a few days away, I almost wanted to go find Lev now and talk to him even if it wasn’t a good idea and I ended up outing myself, I didn’t know what else to do and you were supposed to talk about things like this weren’t you? That’s what humans did.

But I had no way of contacting him and that kept me from spilling my circuitry out to him and becoming a piece of scrap metal, it allowed me to figure out what I could tell him and what I couldn’t. I came up with a whole story by Sunday in case it came about, I still wasn’t feeling great but I was excited to have a distraction from my own thoughts by working and seeing Lev again.

Elias had gone out and gotten me clothes of my own so I didn’t have to steal his, he told me to change them every couple of days, so that morning I chose some black jeans, a black shirt and a white trench coat because the weather was still cold out and I put on a grey beanie. I used my interface to find the food bank and made my way there by bus. When I arrived, there were many cars and large trucks in the parking lot, food was being carried around and people were being directed this way and that.

I froze again, worried someone would recognize or maybe just know and turn me in even if I looked nothing like I did before.

“Hey, Deckard,” I heard Lev’s voice and I came back to the present out of my thoughts.

I looked up, spotting him. He was wearing a black turtle neck, a grey trench coat and black jeans. His ears were red because of the cold. I preceded toward him.

“Hey, Lev. Who’s your friend?” someone commented.

“This is Deckard, he wishes to help us today in our endeavours of sorting food,” Lev jokes. “Come on, I’ll show you around since it’s your first time,” he comments to me after.

“So,” he starts climbing some stairs up onto a platform with some giant boxes on it of dried goods and cupboard foods that didn’t easily go bad. “Once a donation arrives, it gets sorted and then backed based on the orders and calls and what each person or family needs or prefers,” he explains. “Once the person gets here, we load up a few carts, take it out to their cars, they load it in and give us the carts back. Easy, right?”

“I guess,” I reply still bothered by how red his ears are now even though we’re inside now.

I wanted to give him my beanie, it wasn’t like I got cold and could suffer from frostbite like he could.

“Come on, let’s go find something to sort or pack now,” he comments leading back to the area where there are more people closer to the outdoors again.

“You should wear a hat next time, your ears are red like tomatoes,” I comment pulling my grey beanie off of my head and putting it on his.

He froze as I continued to walk before recovering and catching up to me. He didn’t say anything though.

He led me over to the packing station and handed me a list with names and what they each needed. I got to work quickly. I had twenty orders packed and ready in under an hour and half of them had already been picked up and were on their way.

Lev kept coming to retrieve my carts as I packed them to wheel out to people who were waiting patiently to load their cars. Every time he came back in his skin was flushed from the cold, finally, he took a break and helped some people who were struggling to pack as quickly as I was, his skin returned to its normal tone this time, and I became less worried about him getting frostbite.

“Hey, uhh…Deckard, right?” someone called, a shorter dark-skinned man with dark eyes and a heavy-set figure.

“Yeah?” I asked pausing.

“Have you had a break yet?” he asks looking at the clipboard confused.

“Break?” I ask.

“You know, to eat, drink, and all that?” he replies.

“No, but I’m alright, thank you,” I replied turning back to the order I was filling.

He looked at me with what I could only describe as a dumbfounded look before turning and disappearing. I completed the order and loaded it into the carts when Lev reappeared again.

“Hey, you ready for a break?” he questions.

“No, I’m good,” I state again.

“You should take a break, when did you last eat? I don’t need you passing out on us,” he comments.

Robots didn’t need to eat, I couldn’t tell him that so I lied.

“I ate precisely three hours ago before I got here, I’m fine, Lev,” I state looking over the next order.

“You’ve done your share you know, you don’t have to keep going, this list needs to be filled by tomorrow and you are half into Tuesday’s list,” he comments pointing to the dates.

“Come on, if you feel so inclined to help, we can come back after lunch, okay?” he states.

“Okay,” I give in finally, seeing that he isn’t going to give in easily.

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