Only Human
In Which Kate Acquires A Roommate Or Two

I can only imagine what was going through Samael’s mind when he returned to the hotel room sometime after noon. To walk into the room, and behold a human woman laying on her stomach because Pansy clung to my back, Daisy draped over my right leg, Azalea using the back of my head as a pillow, and Buttercup clinging somewhere in the mix must have evoked some kind of laughter. I wouldn’t know really since I was asleep, but I did wake up for a moment, and realizing I was scorpion-less, sat up, and looked around.

“Daisy!” I called. “Azalea, Pansy, girls, are you hiding from me?” I looked at the tray of food, empty of every last crumb, and felt my heart sink. “They just left.” I shrugged. “Without saying goodbye.” Felt a tight pain in my chest, and groaned. “Oh, stop it! You are not seriously crying over some desert people who barged in on you.” I scolded myself softly. I got out of bed, sweaty and tired, got some clean clothes, and walked to the bathroom. I set the clothes on the toilet lid, and reached into the bathtub. I switched on the water, and all hell broke loose.

I jumped onto the toilet seat, scattering my clothes as a gigantic single-parent scorpion father leapt of the bathtub, and landed on the bathroom floor in a graceful crouch, baring his claws and tail at the spraying shower.

Daisy and Azalea quickly climbed out after him, dripping wet. Azalea slid, and I reached out instinctively to catch her, but Daisy got there first since I was perched atop the toilet seat brandishing a travel bottle of shampoo at the scorpion that took up all the floor space as he menaced the shower.

After the count of ten, he looked at me with a surprised expression. “Kate.” He closed his lips around his sharp teeth, and got into a more relaxed crouch, leaning back on his haunches as Pansy and Buttercup woke up, yawned, and shook their little fists.

“How did you do that without hurting them?” I blinked at him. “Wait, why were in the bathtub?!” I pointed at the tub with the shampoo bottle.

Samael sat up straighter as he retracted he pincers, and tail to a less menacing position, and scratched his head. “Um...”

Daisy yawned wide, looked at me, looked at Samael then grabbed a towel from the rack, and started toweling off her little sister Azalea. “That was cold.” she murmured absently.

I glanced to the shower then got down off the toilet seat. “Oh.” I shut off the water then looked back at Samael. Pansy slid to the floor, and I noticed Buttercup’s big eyes staring at me once more.

Pansy toddled over to me, and grabbed my leg. “Mine.” she said.

“No, mine.” I muttered distractedly. “Y’know, the bathtub would not be my first choice.” I frowned. There’s carpeted floor, or you could sleep on the bed. It’s a big bed. I don’t mind.”

Samael looked rather embarrassed as he proceeded to explain himself. “The floor is where the cool air settles. We tried to sleep there, but,” He shook his head. “It was too cold.”

Daisy yawned, and looked at me.” I wanted to stay asleep on the bed with you.”

Samael huffed something.

“Well, I did.” Daisy frowned.

Samael sighed. “You’ve spoiled my children. They don’t sleep while the sun is out.”

I raised an eyebrow. “So why not make the most of it. The bed is better.”

Samael muttered something, and looked away.

“Mlah mlah, what?” I asked.

“I did not want to wake you.” He said. “You - “ He shook his head. “You were asleep.” He said quickly then stood, ducked out the door, and walked away.

“He thinks you’re pretty when you sleep. Like an angel.” Daisy said as she toweled off her head.

I blushed. “He what?” I looked at the door. I could see him fixing the sheets of the bed through the main room mirror. “No he didn’t.” I frowned.

“yeah, he did.” Daisy hung up the towel, and took Azalea’s hand.

I stood speechless in the bathroom then shook my head. “Go with them, Pansy. I need to take a shower.”

“No! Mine!” Pansy exclaimed.

Daisy came back in, picked Pansy up under her arms, and tried to lift her off my leg, but the little one held tight.

“Nooo! Miiiine!” Pansy wailed as Daisy tugged on her.

“Daisy, Daisy, stop.” I stopped Daisy as Samael leaned in the door with a questioning look. “I’ll just...walk her out.” I walked awkwardly, swinging one leg out wide then dragging my Pansy leg to catch up with me (much to the toddler’s amusement).

Samael turned his head, sniffed lightly then stared at me as I brought Pansy out to the room. He did well to hide his amusement then asked. “Why is my daughter sprouting from your limb?”

I shook my head, feeling exhausted by my scare in the bathroom, and no shower. A shower would pick me up. I nodded. “Must be something witty about animal magnitism. Er – arachnid magnetism in this case.”

Samael nodded slowly. He easily pried Pansy off of me, and held her.

“Mine!” Pansy reached out to me.

Samael hummed to her. As I turned my back I noticed Samael’s humming turned even more melodic than I found their language to be in the first place. I smiled. So that’s what a scorpion lullaby sounds like.

I kept my hand in the bathtub faucet until the water ran warm then proceeded to peel off my sweat-soaked shirt. I felt all-around gross, and couldn’t wait to get in the shower. I leaned over to the faucet again topless, my breasts feeling like lead weights as I adjusted the water temperature, and pulled the shower pin.

The water felt nice, and the soap felt nicer. When I came out, toweling my hair, the sun was just starting to set outside, but that wasn’t the most interesting thing about the room.

All of them lay in a lump of arms legs, tails, and pincers. Buttercup was easiest to spot with her white body perched in the crook of Sam’s right pincer. Pansy, with her dull gray foot sticking out between Daisy and Azalea, snoozed almost soundlessly, her head on Sam’s leg. Daisy lay against Sam’s chest, and Azalea was half on Sam’s leg. I resisted the giggle because I don’t want to wake them. I quietly retrieved my camera from my purse, and snapped a picture. The first in a series of wonderful memories, no doubt, I thought. Then I sat down, a puzzled look on my face.

Sam thinks I want to mate him. Sam mistook my yummy sound for a proposition (seeing as their language is primarily made up of hums). That’s the only reason I can think of that he left his children with me while he went off to talk to that spider Daisy calls “the mailman”.

Sam took a deep breath, making all the girls rise and fall slowly. I smiled, and kept my giggling to a minimum. Having slept earlier, I put on some clean clothes, grabbed some water, and a handful of cash then wrote a note telling them I was going down to the bizarre for a little while, and quietly left the room.

The marketplace buzzed – literally buzzed – with people, and I couldn’t help the smile on my face. With my hand in the only pocket holding anything valuable, I felt assured I wouldn’t get stolen from, and I pity the poor fool who might try.

“Good eats! Take ‘em hot eatin’ good, yeah!” Called a voice. “Hey Kate! Kaaate!” A whistle made me turn, and I saw Hook waving from across the sea of people.

“Hi!” I called. “Oh, excuse me,” I squeezed past the people, my hand securely stuffed in my pocket. I sidled past the crowd, and made it to Hook’s booth.

“Here, this way.” Hook reached out with his upper right hand, and grabbed my arm. He pulled me around the side of the booth, and into a folding canvas chair.

I fell into the chair, and my legs sighed with relief. “Hoo,” I rubbed my legs. “Forgot my sunblock.” I checked my arms for redness.

“Here ya go.” Hook pulled a bottle of clear stuff out from under his grill, and passed it to me with his lower left hand. “Better than sunblock.”

I took it, popped the cap open, and sniffed it as Hook continued to serve customers.

“Here ya! Yellow on da chips!” Hook winked at a customer as they walked away with their yellow slug. Another got a black slug, but most of them got purple.

I cough at the abhorrent smell of the goo inside the bottle. “What is that?” I gently squeeze the bottle, and the odor makes my nostrils want to curl. “Ohhh myyy god Hook, what is this made of?”

Hook guffaws as he slaps a few more slugs on the grill. “Don’t think about it, just put it on that burn before you really start to cook.” He winks at me over his shoulder.

I tell myself I’m doing a better job of hiding my blush than I think I am. I hold my breath, squeeze my eyes shut, and slather the putrid gel all over my face, neck, and arms. “Gluhhhhgh!” I gasp, unable to hold my breath anymore.

Hook laughs at me for a good few minutes. We have a civil conversation, and he gives me a bag of purple chips when I decide to go back to my hotel.

“Thanks for letting me hang out.” I sidle around the opening Hook had pulled me through earlier, and I give a little wave as I’m off.

“Wait, Kate! Kaaate!”

I turn, and walk slowly backwards, one hand protectively in my side pocket.

Hook looks around quickly then shouts. “Trouble seekin’ doncha be!”

I raised an eyebrow. “Trouble what?” I muttered as I turned to walk to the hotel.

“Waaah!” I heard a voice gasp. “Girl schoolin’ Kate be!” exclaimed a voice.

I turned to see a figure towering over the crowd – a stick bug. It grinned as it neared, and placed its hands on my shoulders. “Schoolin’ Kate girl!”

“Hi.” I said tentatively. “Um. What’s your name?” I asked.

The stick bug leaned down, and folded his front arms. “Not Kate Limdo rememberin’?”

“Oh! Limdo!” I grinned. “Right, I just –yeah, of course I remember you.” I looked around. “Where are your friends?”

“Friends bein’?” Limdo looked around then cursed in his native tongue, and sighed. “Aahhhh, Trykah scamper trollin’ water.”

I tried to make sense of what Limdo said, but could only stammer then shake my head. “Um, something about water?”

“Yah.” Limdo sighed again. “Trollin’ water.”

I pursed my lips, and assumed Limdo meant Trykah was looking for water –or selling it – or, god forbid, stealing it.

I glanced quickly at the hotel then back at Limdo. “Um, I have to get back to the hotel. Can we walk and talk?”

Limdo grinned. “Sure we talk walkin’, Kate girl.” He rest one of his skinny arms across my shoulders as we walked. I didn’t mind much – I actually felt a bit safer.

“Kate desert goin’ not, yah?” Limdo asked.

I swallowed before I replied hesitantly. “Well, I um. I did go to the desert, with a friend. Hook. He’s a-“

“Slime wearin’ gutter slug creeper!” Limdo shouted. “Stayin’ farther away from slug creeper, school-goin’ Kate.” The stick bug exclaimed. “Safe not Pompeii bein’ for human girl Kate.” He shook a finger at me. “Goin’ to the desert not, hear you my?”

I stared at his skinny finger pointed at my face. “Um, well that’s the thing. It’s not as dangerous as you think it is.”

Limdo groaned, and rolled his eyes skyward.

“I met someone out there. He’s really kind, and so are his four girls.” I smiled.

Limdo’s eyes grew bigger with fear. “Girls four?” He asked. “Girl four Pandinus O’o!” he snapped.

I pursed my lips, and furrowed my brow. “Um, no, his name is Samael.”

Limdo hissed. “Pandinus not goin’!” Limdo shouted then lapsed into his native speech, probably scolding me for going near the scorpions after the three stick bugs had warned me not to.

I sighed, and waited for him to stop ticking, and hissing, and spitting at me.

“Listen, Limdo. I know you think the Pandinus are dangerous, but-!”

“No!” Limdo gasped. “Pandinus people bad goin’ not. Is Gilgamesh.”

The vendor nearest us made a surprised chirping sound.

Limdo grabbed me by the shoulders, and stuck his face close to mine. “Pandinus kind bein’ folk, but like folk, Gilgamesh hurtin’.” He said. I nodded slowly. “Bad happenin’ not wantin’ to see Kate girl.”

I nodded. “Thank you.”

Limdo nodded with a desperate look on his face then he stood, and turned to look over the heads of the crowd. “Have to find Trykah trollin’.”

I nodded again. “I know. Go, make sure he’s – er –she’s –yeah, go.” I said.

Limdo laughed, and trotted off, though by the way he glanced back at me, I could tell he was seriously worried.

Who is Gilgamesh, and why did they worry Limdo so much? I thought about how Limdo had attested to the fact that the Pandinus are nice people, and all, but I was in danger if I got too close to them. Limdo seemed on the level, not out to do me any kind of harm, so I trust he knows what he’s talking about.

I opened the hotel room door slowly, trying to make as little noise as possible. Little hands pulled the door open from the opposite side, and Daisy grinned as I walked in.

“Hi Kate! Did you go for a walk?” She grinned.

I nodded. “Yeah. I did.” I pulled my cards, and phone from my pocket, and set them in my purse as I passed it. “Daisy, close the door.”

Daisy released the door, and hopped up onto the bed. “Papa went for a walk, too. He said he’d be back if he couldn’t find you.”

I was about to ask her how long ago that was when the door opened again, and Sam came in. “Daisy.” He said.

“In here, Papa! Kate came back!” She grinned.

Sam walked in, and stared at me for a moment then said with a fallen face. “I’m sorry to have put you out like that.”

I shook my head. “You didn’t. I woke up, you guys were asleep. Besides, I wanted to go for a walk. Had you been awake, I would have invited you.” I shrugged, and walked to the small end table, and pulled out the room service menu. “I’m starved though.” I sat down on the bed then lounged as I looked at the different meals available.

A small body rolled into mine, and burbled against my back.

Daisy giggled.

I shifted. “Who’s that?” I lifted my arm to see better. “Hey you, whatcha doin’ back there?” I sat up, only to have Buttercup clinging to my back. “Ah!” I gasped as little clawed feet scraped to hold on. “Daisy, she’s sliding!” I dropped the menu, and reached around, but Buttercup squirmed, and started whimpering. I felt Daisy push her up, and the little squirming pandinus infant clung to my shoulder, her back feet hooking in the back of my bra.

Samael moved closer, his voice thrummed as he spoke to Buttercup.

“She’s fine.” I leaned over, and picked up the menu. Buttercup cooed as I sat back up again. “See? She’s got it.” I said.

“You don’t have to let her.” Samael reached out, and placed his hand on Buttercup.

“Sam,” I said. Samael paused. “Really, she can stay there.”

Samael pulled his hand away, and sat down in the single big chair in the room, opposite the small TV.

I tried to ignore his gaze boring into me as I read the room service menu, but after a few minutes, deciding on some kind of glazed fish-y thing, I looked up. “Hungry?” I held out the menu.

Samael looked at the menu, and started to say something, but Pansy interrupted him.

“Hagwy!” she shrieked from under the table.

Azalea half-carried, half-dragged Pansy over to the bed, which the latter didn't seem to mind at all, and deposited her at Samael’s feet. “Me too! Ah hungry, and tirstee!”

Daisy crawled up next to me, petted her baby sister briefly then looked at Samael. “I’m hungry, too, papa.”

Samael sighed. “Then we have overstayed our welcome.”

I started. “Oh.” I closed the menu and set it aside. “What do you guys eat?” I asked dumbly, and regretted it the minute it left my lips.

Daisy grinned, and started rambling off words that weren't so much words as I know them, but the hums and clicks of her native language.

I smiled, and nodded. “Sounds good.”

Daisy laughed. “You like Tiki Bugs?” she rolled around on the bed, holding her stomach, and laughing.

I arched an eyebrow, and looked at Sam. “Do I like Tiki Bugs?”

Sam smiled slightly, and his chest jerked as he chuckled softly. “It’s an adolescent treat – similar to candy.”

I nodded. “Ohh,” I looked at Daisy, who was laying upside down facing me. “Then yes, I like Tiki Bugs.” I glanced at Sam, and winked.

He blushed.

“Papa!” Daisy flipped over, and sat up. “You should invite Kate to have dinner with you!” She hopped off the bed, jumped over to Sam, and climbed on his lap. “She let us stay in her beautiful room, so you should invite her to stay with you for a while.”

“Uh-“ I started to protest, but let it drop. “Daisy has a point. Not that I expect you to repay me or anything.” I waved a hand, and shook my head.

Buttercup squeaked, and I realized she was sliding again.

Sam stood up, and plucked Buttercup from my shirt with a few popping of threads, and pushed her onto his shoulder. On familiar ground, Buttercup settled into her normal posture of clinging to Samael’s back just behind his right shoulder, her gorgeous baby magenta eyes staring at me intently.

I shrugged my shoulders, and felt something catch. I turned my torso, and heard a pop. “Oh no.” I pulled my arms from the shirt sleeves, and turned the shirt around to behold six little holes in the back of my shirt , positioned where Buttercup had been clutching my bra strap. “Crap!” I huffed, and slouched. My bra clasps snapped, and popped open. The initial shriek as the elastic snapped into my arm made all the scorpions jump, even Samael. The string of curses that followed as I sidled around children, and stomped to the bathroom didn’t help, either.

Once in the bathroom, I shucked my shirt, and peeled off my bra. I inspected my back to see red marks matching the holes in my shirt. I groaned, and examined my broken bra. “Well that’s just great,” I muttered. “Now I only have two bras for the next two weeks.” I sighed. “And eternity – man, I need to go clothes shopping.”

A heavy knock on the doorframe made me jump. “Kate.”

I turned, clutching my bra, and looking peeved.

Sam looked like he would have been about to say something, but instead his eyes had suddenly been afflicted with 15-degree syndrome, and dropped to where my hands clutched my bra just in front of my now bare bosoms. He blinked.

I frowned. “Sam.”

He swallowed hard, the adam’s apple I hadn’t noticed before bobbing heavily.

I made a mental note to ask about his adam’s apple later then went back to frowning at the scorpion who filled the doorway. “Sam!” I said a bit more forcefully.

His cherrywood-color eyes shifted up to my face, his mouth set in a line. His chest rose and fell noticeably. He stood there for a good half a minute before he said slowly, and somewhat strangled. “We’re leaving. Thank you for your hospitality.”

My face loosened, and suddenly I felt kind of depressed. “Oh.” I said. Just…oh…

Sam nodded stiffly then turned, and growled something that had the three older children scurrying to the door.

“Bye Kate!” Daisy giggled as she trotted past.

I waved absently then realized it exposed my breasts even more.

Sam wavered, his face turning noticeably red as he covered his mouth, and quickly averted his gaze.

I grabbed a towel, and wrapped it around my chest. “Okay, so go already!” I snapped harsher than I’d meant to.

Sam nodded, though his neck didn’t give much way for the movement. He opened the closet, and pulled out the cloaks they had been wearing in town, and tossed them to the little girls in entryway. He pulled on his own, carefully tucking it around Buttercup. Then he took two very deep breaths, and turned to face me.

“Goodbye.” The word was spoken deliberately, but shakily.

I watched Samael herd his children into the hall, and as the door clicked heavily against the jam, the room suddenly felt…silent.

I stood in the entry way, towel around my bare upper half, feeling sulky. I decided to order the gooiest dessert on the menu, but just as I was making for the phone, a knock came at the door.

I hurried to open it, and sulked at the sight of the cockroach rocking on his heels in the hallway.

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