Moonlit Fur Chronicles: Lucid Fur
Chapter 25 Heartache

I had no idea what I would tell Drew. He had been through so much. I wondered if Kai felt discontent or frustrated as a member of my pack. I wished she had talked to me about it. I walked back to the house. I needed time to think and figure out what the next steps were. My mind tried to process all this. Kai had been the one of the most steadfast members of my pack. I hoped she would return soon and explain why she was so interested in this Artemis character. I felt like I had done something wrong to make her leave. I fought as hard as I could against the depressed and anxious voices in my head. They whispered foul nasty things in my mind as I wandered back home to Quinn and Phoenix. I wished I hadn’t sent Casey and River off on the road. I wanted to hear their thoughts on this situation.

The sun sunk ever so slowly down the horizon. I arrived at home, sat on one of the pool loungers with my knees hugged to my chest. I rested my forehead on my knees. I didn’t want to face my pack when I felt like such a failure. Deep down, I knew this whole Kai mess wasn’t my fault, but my anxiety was much louder than the logical part of my brain. I heard the back door scrape open, smelt Phoenix and heard her footsteps. “Reese,” she said in surprise as she saw me. “Are you okay?” I didn’t respond. I fought the urge to cry. I buried my head in my knees as much as I could. Phoenix didn’t need to see me. She put her hand on my shoulder and sat next to me. Her touch made me feel better and worse at the same time. I really didn’t like to cry in front of people, especially loved ones.

“Talk to me Reese,” she begged. “What’s going on?” my body trembled as the first wave of tears poured down my cheeks. She wrapped her arms around me and held me tightly. She didn’t say anything, just let me cry. I felt embarrassed and ashamed that she saw me like this, felt discouraged and confused because Kai seemed to want to leave us, and angry with myself because I allowed that leather clad tree hugger to come and disrupt my pack, my family. I missed Casey and River. They would know what to do. I had too many emotions to deal with and I wanted it all to just stop. It seemed we never had a moment’s peace. Something always happened to us. Some catastrophe always reared its ugly head. A low rumble echoed throughout the backyard. The gargoyles awoke, roared and stretched. Cordelia sensed immediately that I was in an emotional mess. She must have warned them against interaction with me. All four spread their magnificent wings and took to the air.

I pulled myself free of Phoenix’s grasp and ran around the outside of the house. I was embarrassed that I caused a scene in front of the gargoyles. I ducked in the front door and slipped as silently as I could into my room. Luckily enough, Quinn was somewhere else. I climbed into bed and pulled covers up over my head. I wanted to be alone and invisible. The door knob turned slowly and Phoenix’s voice floated quietly into the room, “Reese, are you in here?” I put a bit down on my wrist to stifle the sobs. Phoenix padded into the bathroom to look for me. The curtains were drawn over the window so it was nice and dark. She didn’t find me so she left my room.

I was glad she had left, I didn’t want to burden her with my mess. I should have known Phoenix gave up a little too easily. Quinn cautiously stepped in our room and gently murmured, “Now I know I fixed the bed this morning and there wasn’t a big lump in it.” She lifted the covers and climbed in behind me, she wrapped her arms around me. All the horrible emotions just poured out of me. It was all too much. We had our first real argument as a pack as a family. Kai had disappeared and seemingly didn’t want to return, Drew was confused and heartbroken. I knew I had to fix it somehow, but I haven’t a clue how. Quinn held me as the sobs racked my body. It seemed to last forever.

Finally the sobs slowed and turned into sniffles. My body didn’t shake as much. I could finally catch my breath. “Quinn, I feel like a failure. Things are getting worse with this tree hugging freak. She calls herself Artemis and Kai has fallen for her male hating garbage. Drew is heartbroken. Ash is miserable over Max’s murder. Max was freaking murdered! This is all so much! I don’t know what to do or how to fix it!” Tears resumed their free fall from the corners of my eyes. Quinn squeezed me twice. I grasped her arm with my hand and returned the gesture. I held her arm tight against me. Her calm inhales and exhales helped to center me and steady my own breath. “Reese baby, you’re okay. We will figure this out together. You are an amazing Alpha.” I looked at her arms. I desperately wanted to believe her. I just couldn’t see how any of this would work out well.

The door opened again and Phoenix poked her head in. “Come cuddle with us,” Quinn called. Phoenix gingerly stepped in and shut the door behind us. She crawled into bed beside us. She snuggled her back into my chest and pulled my arms around her. “Don’t be discouraged Phoenix,” Quinn explained. “It took a while for Reese to fully open up to me too. She’ll come around when she’s ready.” Phoenix took a deep breath. “I remembered how badly you felt when Kai and I found you in the woods that one time.” “I wish I could forget,” I growled softly. “Reese, you are too hard on yourself,” Phoenix reasoned. “She’s right ya know,” Quinn cooed. “I don’t know how to stop,” I muttered.

The three of us laid there, cuddled up for a while. It was nice to just be in their arms. I still had no idea what I should do about Artemis or Kai. “I miss Kai,” Phoenix murmured. My heart cracked. I quietly explained what happened earlier when I went off to find Kai. I felt Quinn stiffen when I posited that Kai had run off to spend time with Artemis and her ilk. Phoenix made a little sound like a gasp, “I never would have thought that she would leave. She talks about you all the time, Reese.” A fresh tear rolled down my face. Quinn aggressively cleared her throat and replied in a short tone, “Thank you Phoenix. Let’s try to cheer her up, hmmm?” “She didn’t mean it, Quinn. It’s okay,” I defended Phoenix. We heard a low rumble in Quinn’s chest. I hurriedly changed the subject, “I want coffee. Anyone coming?”

I disentangled myself from Quinn and Phoenix. I felt a little smothered if I was honest with myself. I opened the door and left the room; I hoped Quinn and Phoenix wouldn’t bicker about how she had mentioned Kai. We needed to stay united as a family if we were to survive this mess with Artemis. Drew was on the couch, he anxiously pet Robin’s head. I knew she did all she could to help keep him calm. He jumped up when he saw me, “Reese! Did you find Kai? Is she hurt? What happened?” I smiled apologetically and chose my words carefully. “Drew. I did find Kai. She is unhurt as far as i could tell. She uh…” I thought quickly. “Kai is on a journey of self discovery. I wish I knew when she will be back.” Drew looked as confused as I felt, “I’m sorry Drew, I wish I could make it make sense. I wish I could take the pain away.”

He blinked at me for a minute, “Thank you Reese, You did what you could. Kai is a grown woman and she can do whatever she wants. I just hope she is safe.” I nodded and replied, “Me too Drew, me too.” I continued to the kitchen and set a pot of coffee on. As I waited, Ash appeared beside me. “How are you, Ash?” He gazed into my eyes, he looked forlorn. “I didn’t know him all that long, but gosh I loved him.” I gave him a hug. “How are you? Gargoyles and crazy tree werewolves? This sounds completely insane! I don’t know how you are handling it all.” I chuckled sarcastically, “Not very well I’m afraid. You’re right. This is insane.”

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