Lustful Hearts
Chapter 75: Aftermath

POV: "Joel"

Pain. It coursed right through me, suffocating me. I could feel the darkness weaving its spell around my heart, filling up every fibre of my body until I could barely breathe.

There wasn't one part of me that didn't want to go back in time, to undo those words.

But there was a finality to them that could never be undone. It was for the best, I was doing it for her. It was my last selfless act in setting her free.

I would always love her with all my heart, but sometimes love just wasn't enough.

A tear slipped down my cheek, and I quickly swiped it away, pressing my nose against the glass. My eyes soon became fixated on her fragile body curled up tight on the bench below.

Every part of me ached to go to her, to beg forgiveness for my cruel and heartless words. But she'd seen right through me. She knew in that instant that every word spoken was just one damn lie.

She was always so perceptive in reading my moods. My fingers clawed against the glass, itching to touch her, to calm her, to tell I loved her with every beat of my heart.

Yet my feet stood frozen, my body completely still as barely a breath left me while my mind taunted me with sweet memories of the past.

I wouldn't allow her into my darkness to taint such beauty. I would sacrifice my own happiness to save hers.

She would never have to endure the pain I kept buried deep within me, to be with someone who lived a torturous existence inside their own head.

She deserved better than me, and in releasing her despite my own heartbreak, I was offering her the future that I would never be able to give her.

I knew she wouldn't leave willingly, that she'd beg me with every breath in her body to fight to save the type of love you only experience once in a lifetime. But I had to be strong. This was what I had to do, the decision had already been made, and there was no going back.

Grasping the phone I dialled the number while my eyes remained fixed upon her. I knew within minutes she'd be gone, that my eyes would never rest upon her beautiful face ever again. But I had to put her first even if it meant destroying my own heart.

His soft familiar voice filled my ears, and I gave myself a few moments before I felt certain I was composed enough to speak.

"Hello, Elijah, it's Joel..."

***

POV: "Izzy"

They say time is the greatest healer but with every day that passed, I missed him even more. It had been three months since he left, three months since he broke my heart.

He took everything from me the moment he walked away. The only reminders were photos I could no longer bear to look at, now just an aching reminder of what I'd lost. Each night I had my own ritual, the T-shirt that he left barely carried his scent, but I slept with it beside me, burying my nose deep.

It still felt like he was here, tricking myself into believing that at least for a few short hours I was not alone.

The ring that he gave me no longer resided on my finger, but now on a chain around my neck, resting close to my heart. So I was spared the constant reminder of the vow he broke. But I was unable to completely remove it from my body, like my heart still clung onto that small piece of hope. It was foolish really, but I didn't have the strength to fully let go.

In the early days I was filled with a hope that he would return, that he'd show up at my door with that breathtaking smile. But after ninety-four days, that hope had slowly diminished.

With each day that passed another part of me died, my chest remained hollow, my heart forever missing. He took that with him the moment he left.

After a long and tireless search, I had tracked down his uncle only to find it was to no avail. Joel had made no contact with him and if that weren't the case, the man certainly would make the best poker player. The sympathy that was there in his eyes throughout was enough to start the tears. He had tried comforting me in an awkward like hug.

I could see that only goodness radiated through him and was able to understand why Joel held such a strong bond with him.

The only information I was able to prize out of him was concerning the row. It had escalated beyond control and had ended in a fistfight between Joel and his dad.

Robert had tried contacting Joel several times after, but it wasn't until after my visit he realised just how much of an impact it had on him, for him to throw away the one real love of his life.

As time rolled on, I wondered just how dedicated to his promise he would be. After all he had needs. I wasn't naïve enough to know that after a while he would eventually turn back to the person I had despised The thought alone was enough to bring on the tears, the insecurity taking its usual hold. I couldn't bear to think of him seeking comfort in others.

I chose to bury it, to lock it away. If I concentrated on it too much, it would slowly destroy me.

I no longer had any hold over Joel; his decisions now were not my concern. I had to let go, after all he had. I never imagined a life without him, well, one that was worth living.

But now I was faced with the awful truth-to exist in a life that no longer included Joel.☐☐☐☐☐☐☐☐

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