Julia Lelieveld and the fifth element
~25~

He dragged me into the office and kicked the door shut behind him. The pain only got worse and tears welled up in my eyes.

“Let go of me,” I hissed through my teeth, kicking and hitting him with my free arm. He just laughed harder.

“Do you really think all that kicking and hitting scares me? Then you really have to come up with something better.”

With those words I kicked him hard in the groin. He bent over, but only gripped my wrist harder.

I tried to break free from his grip, but he was just a lot stronger than me.

Head red and angry, he got up and grabbed my shoulder and turned my back to him so he had me in a headlock. My wrist was now in an odd twist. Panic suddenly hit me.

The flashes of the hostage who had also held me in that kind of way with a knife to my throat wouldn’t leave my sight. I totally panicked.

I started screaming and fighting, but he just held me too tight. And because my wrist was at such a wrong angle, I couldn’t do everything I wanted to do.

I heard him panting in my ear.

“Keep going like this, I just like it better.”

For a moment it seemed to turn black before my eyes. I didn’t know if I could stand being held like this any longer, with everything about that day running through my mind again. The screams of my mother and father.

Suddenly I heard the door open with a bang and saw Renzo standing in the doorway, startled. In a second he took in the whole situation.

I felt Ivo stiffen behind me.

Renzo rushed at us.

Ivo loosened his grip, but he was slower than Renzo.

With his quick reflexes, he punched Ivo in the face so hard that he immediately let go of me and flopped back on his desk himself.

Renzo turned to me and came to stand in front of me. He grabbed my shoulders and looked me up and down. He stopped at my eyes and looked at me intently.

“Julia, are you hurt?”

Completely in shock, I was unable to answer, let alone move.

Renzo grabbed me tighter and shook me briefly. I blinked a few times and then really looked at him. His eyes were worried, confused and angry.

“Julia?”

“I.........., no, I’m not hurt.” He looked at me for a moment, then nodded and sat me in the other corner of the office. He turned to Ivo, who had struggled to his feet in the meantime.

Little streams of blood came out of his nose and he was really angry.

He walked towards Renzo with his finger pointed at him.

“You! You’re going back to jail, do you hear me?”

Renzo seemed to freeze for a moment, but then changed his mind and in one step he grabbed Ivo by the throat.

“If I go back to jail, I’ll take you with me. Do you know what they do to you if they know you’re a rapist?”

Ivo looked at him with small eyes. His face started to turn red.

“It will be a lot more annoying for you than for me. I’ve already made my status, but you? It’s hell, I’ll tell you that in advance.”

When he had said that, Ivo tried to push him away. But Renzo was stronger and held him by the throat. Ivo kept getting redder and redder.

Suddenly an alarm bell started ringing in my head. I had to force myself to get moving. When I succeeded, I approached Renzo and tried with all my might to take his hands off Ivo’s throat. He held them so tightly that they couldn’t.

“Renzo, let go. Come on, think for a second! What if this goes wrong?” I heard the panic in my voice. He probably heard that too, because he tore his gaze from Ivo and looked at me with confused eyes. I pulled on his arms so hard that I stopped feeling the pain in my wrist for a moment.

“Renzo, he’s not worth it. Don’t let him take you to his level.” And with those words, his grip loosened and he slowly removed his hands from Ivo’s throat.

Ivo clapped forward and quickly took a deep breath. As if he’d been underwater for far too long. I grabbed Renzo’s arm and without looking back at Ivo I pulled him back into the room. I still thought it was strange that he allowed it. He walked with me without protesting.

“If you say anything to anyone, I’ll personally make sure you go back to jail!” It was Ivo, I felt Renzo’s arm harden under my grip.

I gripped his arm a little tighter with both hands, in case he made a mistake and went back to Ivo to finish his job.

We walked out of the room in silence and within 1 minute we were already in the basement at the detention room. Fortunately no one was there.

I put him in a chair and sat down next to him. It was only when we sat there that we really realized what had happened. I was breathing too fast. I rested my head in my hands to try to control my breathing. After half a minute it was a little better and I looked up at Renzo.

He looked at me sadly with his deep blue eyes.

I don’t know how long we looked at each other like that, but it seemed like a long time. We were both startled by the opening door. Out of reflex, Renzo stood protectively in front of me. Rob looked at us inquiringly.

I quickly took Renzo’s hand and pulled it slightly so that he sat down again.

“What happened here?”

Startled, he walked towards us.

“Renzo, your hand?”

For the first time we both looked at his hand. He was red and his knuckles were bruised with blood. Renzo took his hand gently with his other hand and looked at it for a moment. He stretched his fingers a few times, then rested them on his legs.

He looked at me confused for a moment.

I cleared my throat for a moment, not knowing if I would be able to speak in a normal voice.

“Nothing happened, just an accident.” I tried to shrug nonchalantly and smiled my trusty smile at Rob. I don’t know how I managed it, probably from practicing it for months. But Rob seemed to calm down and give me the benefit of the doubt.

“But?” And he gestured to Renzo his hand.

“It is indeed an accident. Today is my first day, it didn’t go the way I would like. I took it off by hitting my fist against the wall. Incredibly stupid, of course.” And he shrugged and looked penitently at his hand that lay in his lap. It is that I knew the truth, otherwise I would have believed him.

I looked at Rob carefully and expectantly. He seemed to think for a moment and take in the situation. He nodded briefly.

“Can I do something for you?” And he looked at me just a little longer.

“No thanks.” I was amazed that my voice sounded so firm.

“Okay, I’ll be back in half an hour.”

He looked at us inquiringly for a moment, shook his head and left the room.

The whole incident flashed through my mind. How could it have come this far?

What a naive bitch I am not to just listen when someone tries to warn me? Like I licked this? I felt like shit. All the emotions were running through my body again. I felt my throat to make sure it wasn’t bleeding. It had seemed so real, the same feeling from nine months ago.

“Are you okay?” Renzo looked at me concerned and took my hand.

“Did he hurt you?” He looked at my throat from which he had grabbed my hand to see if I was wrong. His eyes widened at the sight of the scar. He looked at me confused.

“No, just my wrist.” My voice was hoarse from the piling up of emotions.

I looked at my wrist and saw that it was red again. You could see exactly where Ivo had grabbed it and tried his best to break it. I automatically grabbed it with my other hand. I tried to move him but it barely worked. Another shot of pain shot through my arm. Renzo probably saw it in my face, because he grabbed my wrist and studied it. Just like Tim had done when I fell.

He took a black shirt from his bag and folded it in a certain way so that it became an elongated piece of cloth. Carefully but tightly he wrapped the shirt around my wrist.

“That way you have a little more support.”

“Seems like you have experience with it?”

I looked at him questioningly and gratefully. He raised his shoulders. I took his injured hand. The blood had already dried. I shook my head.

“Sorry I didn’t listen to you.”

I kept looking at our hands. I just felt so terrible. None of this had to happen. He lifted his good hand and I felt him grab my chin and lift my head so I could look at him.

“If anyone has to say sorry, it’s that bastard over there. Please don’t apologize, you’re the victim here.” He said it with so much feeling, so much force that I didn’t argue. I nodded and felt a tear roll from my eye down my cheek. He carefully wiped the tear away with his thumb. He looked remorseful, regretful and incomprehensible. He pursed his eyebrows.

“I don’t know if I could have stopped if you hadn’t stopped me.”

I know exactly what he was talking about. He had Ivo in his grip with such anger. When I tried to free him before he went too far, I couldn’t get any movement in him. He was really capable of seriously hurting Ivo. He didn’t seem to back down from Ivo’s threats, instead he had threatened Ivo back. And Ivo probably heard from his voice that he was serious. Because I could see from Ivo that he was afraid. When we had left the room he had yelled that we shouldn’t tell anyone, otherwise Renzo would go back to jail. Jail? Would he really have been in prison? Is that why he came to school later? At least he could stand up for himself and was not easily frightened. He was quiet and withdrawn, it seemed as if he was in great suffering.

I looked into his eyes. Those beautiful dark blue, endless eyes.

I grabbed his hands and held them against my cheek. What was I supposed to say to that? I don’t think he could have stopped either. There was so much anger in him at that moment. I think he wanted so badly to hear that he could stop. I think he needed it. But I couldn’t lie. Not now anyway, not about this, not to him. He who saved me from Ivo.

I removed his hands from my cheek and kissed them gently. I looked at him.

“You saved me from him, protected me. No one had stood up to him, but you did. In my view you have done nothing wrong.”

And I meant every word of it.

“I don’t even want to think about what would have happened if you weren’t there.”

He let out a big sigh. I think of relief. I don’t think he’s used to having anyone trust him, let alone express it to him.

“Thank you.” And I gave his hands another soft kiss.

I looked up at him, his eyes confused and expectant. He sat there as quiet as a statue. I didn’t even know what to do.

The feeling Ivo had given me was still in my body. How would it go on? If we came back to school tomorrow? I didn’t want to think about it.

Especially not now that I knew what would happen if it came out. He would make sure that Renzo would go back to prison. I’d ask him what happened someday, but not now. I didn’t want to confront him with his past.

There we were.

We held hands and said nothing. We let our thoughts run wild. I didn’t know what was going through his mind, but I think he was just as busy speculating as I was.

I really didn’t want to think about it at all. Fortunately nothing serious had happened. Thanks Renzo. No, I wouldn’t talk about it anymore. It happened and luckily it didn’t get out of hand. I had to try to be strong, put this behind the closed door in my memories. If it had to be, that door might open at some point, but not for the time being.

For myself and not for Renzo. I didn’t want to think about it anymore and there was no room left for any more misery. Because that was this.

No, everything that happened to Mom affected everything in my memories. I don’t want any more black chapters. This long chapter of a book was more than enough.

I was done with it. I needed fresh air. I shook my head to try and clear things up a bit.

We were still holding hands. I squeezed Renzo’s hands a little and he looked at me with his eyes full of emotion.

“Come on, let’s go to Rob to ask if we can leave. We’ve been here long enough.”

As if thinking the same, he nodded and stood up. He let go of my hands and helped me to my feet. His shirt was still around my wrist. I wanted to get it out of it, but he kept his hand gently on my wrist.

“Keep it straight, the pressure is better for healing.”

“Thank you.”

And with those words we walked out of the detention room towards the library. It was quiet in the school. All classes had already ended. As I walked here again with Renzo silently beside me, the hairs on the back of my neck stood on end. The tension and the emotions that Ivo had caused me came back for a while. I swallowed and a shiver ran through my body.

Renzo noticed, but said nothing. He probably didn’t feel comfortable either. Perhaps he also experienced the same angry emotions from just now.

In the library it was also extinct. I walked to Rob’s office and heard Renzo coming after me. The door was open and Rob was sitting at his desk checking papers. He looked up and looked at us questioningly.

“Rob? Is it okay if we might leave a little earlier today? If necessary, we’ll stay a little longer tomorrow.”

Rob looked at us for a moment. He shook his head again.

“I don’t know what happened, but you can go, you don’t have to come back tomorrow.”

Rob was a good guy. He probably saw from us that something had happened, not between us, because he saw that we were all right. But something had happened to us. But he probably couldn’t get a handle on it.

“Thanks Rob.”

He nodded and went back to his paperwork.

I walked to the stairwell in silence. I wanted to get out of here as soon as possible. The hairs on the back of my neck still stood on end.

I wanted to get rid of the feeling that dominated my whole body as quickly as possible. Renzo walked beside me. I wondered what was going through his head. He was silent, but I could see from his face, his expressions, that all sorts of things were running through his mind.

On the steps outside the school, the cold November air felt wonderful. I sniffed him deeply. The cold air cut into my lungs. I tried to clear my head, but I couldn’t. Renzo took my hand.

“Come on, we’ve been here long enough.”

I nodded and let myself be led to the bicycle shed. It was almost dark already. The light in the shed was still broken.

“Shall I take you home?”

His eyes were familiar and concerned.

“That’s sweet of you, but I’d rather cycle. Maybe I can get my mind on something else.” I shrugged my shoulders.

He nodded. He walked to his motorcycle and grabbed his helmet.

“Renzo?”

He looked up and looked at me questioningly.

“Thank you.”

“Take care of yourself.” And with those words he rode off on his motorcycle.

On the way home I couldn’t get my mind on anything else. It still haunted my mind. What if I had history again? How would that go?

When I got home, I regretted turning down Renzo’s offer. My wrist hurt so bad I could barely move it.

When I pulled into the driveway I could already see that my father was not home yet. It was dark and cold in the house. I immediately went upstairs. Because of the knot in my stomach I had absolutely no appetite for food. Once at the top I collapsed. The tears came naturally. I didn’t have to do anything for it. It had been a long time since I’d let myself go like that. It had happened after the accident, of course, but not anymore. I felt like I was crying out all those pent up feelings. All the pent-up emotions of what had happened, and all the emotions from just now, all came out. I couldn’t stop, my tears formed a haze before my eyes. I’ve never had it this bad. And with all these terrible feelings, emotions and tears I finally fell asleep.

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