Honeymoon for One: Gay Romance
: Chapter 16

“Mumble mumble.”

Ethan had been looking out the window of Clay’s pickup as they neared Sydney’s downtown, a city bus rumbling by drowning out whatever Clay said. Ethan turned to him. “Sorry, can you please repeat that?”

Clay glanced over at him. “Just asking if you’re all right? Seem quiet this morning.” He was wearing his navy uniform pants and short-sleeved white button-up shirt with the DL logo on the breast pocket.

Seeing him back in uniform was both sexy and depressing. The reminder that Clay was going back to work and Ethan was leaving tomorrow weighed heavy on him. But he made himself smile as if nothing was wrong. “Yeah, of course. It’s just early.” And it was, not even six a.m.

“We’re coming up on the first hotel. I’ll drop you off while I go park and fetch the coach. It’s a mini, so fits twenty guests. And there’s only fourteen of ya today, plus the guide.”

“Is it Shiv?”

“Nah, it’s a woman called Kerry.” Clay’s chuckle was a little uneasy. “She doesn’t know about you and me.”

“Right, of course not. Don’t worry.” Ethan was pretty sure Clay wasn’t ready for co-workers to know about their relationship.

Relationship. He scoffed at himself. Was it really? It felt like it, but soon he was going back to the other side of the world where he lived and, more importantly, worked.

Ethan added, “It’s not like I’ll be hitting on you during the tour. We’ll keep things strictly professional.” He smoothed a hand over Clay’s thigh, fingertips brushing his junk. He lowered his voice. “Think about how hot it’ll make it later when we’re finally alone again. It’ll be our little secret. When we’re sitting in traffic, you can imagine how I’m going to suck your cock and swallow your cum.”

Clay laughed, going redder. “Strewth, the things you say.”

He uttered it with such affection that Ethan ached. He’d been tempted to say something about Clay fucking him and being inside him, but would that be too much? He hadn’t wanted to push since it was all so new for Clay.

They’d touched and kissed and sucked, and gotten off too many times to count. It was the best sex of Ethan’s life, hands down. God, the way Clay’s big, rough hands could make him feel…

The past several days after Clay’s sort-of meltdown had been blissful. Ethan had been worried he might retreat after crying himself to sleep in Ethan’s arms, but the next morning he’d been good. It was cliché, but he really had seemed more relaxed and like a weight had been lifted.

Decades of ruthlessly repressing any same-sex attraction wasn’t going to be “fixed” in one night, but understanding one of the big reasons he’d denied himself was huge.

He’d apologized for “getting a bit sappy,” trying to shrug it off, but when Ethan had looked him in the eye and told him he never, ever needed to apologize for expressing his feelings, he’d nodded and kissed Ethan sweetly. That he’d trusted Ethan with all of it made Ethan feel incredibly special.

And I have to leave. It’s not realistic to do a long-distance thing. Is it?

He watched as Clay expertly navigated the city streets, the silence easy between them in the dawn. Neither of them had brought up Ethan’s imminent departure. Clay had been able to switch his Thursday shift with another driver, but no one could take the Friday, so Ethan was coming along.

They’d gone sightseeing every day. Clay insisted that he hadn’t actually seen most of Sydney himself aside from inside the coach. Ethan wasn’t sure if he believed him, but he loved him for it.

Loved.

The word shivered through him, secret and wonderful. Not to mention absolutely ludicrous since they had known each other barely two weeks. Was it possible to fall in love that fast? Surely he was just kidding himself again, like he had when he’d been so determined that marrying Michael would fix their fundamental problems.

This was a rebound. Right?

Ethan shoved away the flare of pain and any thoughts of Michael and Todd. If this was his last full day with Clay, he was not going to waste it.

“There’s Sam,” Clay said.

Gut clenching, Ethan spotted her waiting in front of the hotel, tapping on her phone. She wore denim shorts and a green tank top, her golden curls half pulled back, a few tendrils framing her face. One flip-flop was off, and she idly ran that bare foot over her other shin.

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Ethan asked. It wouldn’t quite be his and Clay’s little secret on the tour that they were involved, but obviously Sam wouldn’t say anything. Still, a million things could go wrong hanging out with her all day. “What if she hates me?”

“Impossible,” Clay scoffed with such confidence Ethan wanted to kiss him. He refrained since they were coming to a stop and Sam had noticed them. Clay added, “It was her idea, after all. The two of you can get to know each other and have a lovely time of it. You definitely need to see the Blue Mountains. Spectacular, mate. Trust me.”

“Totally, yeah. Cool.” He got out of the truck, giving Sam a wave and smile, which she returned before going around to hug and kiss Clay. Clay said, “Back in a tick with the coach after I grab Kerry. There are another two guests staying here, and then we’ll do the other pickups.” He climbed back into the ute and waved.

Oh God, don’t leave!

But Ethan had to put on his big-boy pants. It was going to be fine. Sam wasn’t going to push him off the spectacular Blue Mountains.

Probably.

They smiled awkwardly at each other, Ethan shoving his hands in his jeans pockets, and then restlessly tugging at the collar of his tee. Sam pointed to it and said, “Have you been? It looks cool on TV.”

Ethan glanced down at his own shirt, remembering belatedly that it depicted the Santa Monica Pier and iconic Ferris wheel. “No, actually. This is from Old Navy. They do these graphic tees of all sorts of stuff.”

“Oh. Cool.”

“Yeah. Uh… So…” Kill me now.

“Can you hear me all right? Dad said to speak slowly and clearly and make sure you can see my mouth?”

Another wave of affection for Clay hit him like a two by four, and he smiled. “Yes. It’s—this is perfect.” He glanced around at the deserted semicircle of the hotel entrance, only a few porters chatting by the doors. “It’s harder when there’s background noise. Like cars or music, or a lot of people. So I might have to ask you to repeat yourself. I really appreciate it if you do. I know it’s annoying, but sometimes people just say ‘never mind,’ and it kind of sucks.”

She nodded. “Right. That makes sense.”

“Um…” Think of something to say, come on. “Oh! How’s your boyfriend doing?” There. Nice safe topic.

“Heaps better, thanks.” She rolled her eyes with a laugh. “Still being a big baby, but he’s healing nicely.”

“Glad to hear it.” Ethan nodded and tried desperately to think of something else to say. “Gilly’s a great dog.”

She beamed. “He is. Such a sweet thing. Not the sharpest tool in the shed, but he’s all heart. I’ve missed him this week.”

Ethan nodded again, suddenly feeling awkward since the reason she hadn’t seen her dog was because Ethan was sleeping with her dad. “I guess you’ll see him soon though?”

“Yeah. Going home Sunday.” She smiled awkwardly. “Your flight’s tomorrow night?”

“Right. Clay has to work, but he said he’ll be off in time to take me to the airport since it’s a late flight.”

“Cool.” She smiled again, and God, it was clearly all so awkward for both of them.

“Thanks for giving us time alone this week.” Ethan’s face went hot. “I mean—not that—it was just—”

“Relax. Look, I’m not going to say it isn’t weird to think of you and my dad—not that I’m thinking about it in detail—but…” She laughed, shaking her head. “Clearly this is a strange situation for both of us. Instead of making painful small talk, let’s just lay it on the table. Yes?”

His heart thudded. “Yep. Let’s do it.”

“Okay. You’re not much older than me and you’re mumble mumble. Who I thought was straight. Apparently mumble. But you’ve changed all that. And that’s fine! More than fine, it’s good. Mumble mumble. I want my dad to be happy.”

“Uh-huh. Right. Sorry, could you speak a little more slowly?”

“Oh, right.” She nodded.

“Thanks.” He attempted to fill in the blanks. “Um, yeah. We’ve talked about it, and it’s not that he was straight all along and suddenly he’s gay. I think he repressed who he really is for years. Wouldn’t let himself even question or think about it.”

A frown creased Sam’s face. “Why do you think he’d do that? I’ve been trying to figure it out. Sure, growing up gay in the outback isn’t easy, especially back then. But was it just that? What people would say? Was it that he wanted to be ‘normal’ so he married Mum?”

“I think all of that played a role.” He hesitated, not sure if Clay would want to tell Sam about the traumatic incident involving Tony Taylor and the response of Clay’s father. “You should talk to him about it and ask why.” There, that was vague enough that he wasn’t betraying a confidence.

“Hmm. Yeah, I will.” She glanced around, but the other guests for the tour hadn’t appeared yet. “So, is this your normal thing? Shagging older blokes?”

Ethan laughed uncomfortably. “No, actually. He’s the first. I dated in high school and college, but only guys my age. My only really serious relationship was the last seven years or so with my fiancé.” As she jolted, he quickly added, “Ex-fiancé.” Since they were being frank, there was no sense in sugarcoating it. “I came home early the day before our wedding and found him fucking my best friend.”

Sam’s jaw dropped and her eyebrows shot up. “Bloody hell. That’s brutal. Sorry to hear it.”

“Yeah.” He forcefully shoved away the memories. “It really sucked, to say the least. But I came on the honeymoon alone and met your dad, so…” What? He couldn’t say anything too ridiculous—like that he was somehow already in love with Clay—or she’d call bullshit. He finished lamely, “So that’s been a silver lining.”

“Right. Holiday fling after having your heart broken, eh?” She smiled, but there was tension in her jaw.

“I really care about Clay. A lot.” He wanted to insist that it was already so much more than caring, but he was leaving tomorrow. It was unrealistic to think he and Clay could make it work.

“Oh, of course. No, you seem like a good bloke, Ethan. Just worried about him having this big breakthrough and then being alone again.” She smiled. “Guess I’ll have to sign him up for the gay or bisexual dating sites.”

“Uh-huh,” Ethan agreed, wanting to scream at the thought of Clay dating anyone else.

“Do you reckon that’s what he is? Bi? My mate Lucy is. But I dunno if Dad fancies women at all. If he doesn’t, it explains a lot about how he and Mum were when they were together. More like mates than a couple.”

“I don’t know. I think he might be demisexual as well as gay or bi. Obviously he’s the one who has to figure out his own identity.”

“Yeah, of course. I won’t rush him or anything. Just curious.”

“Totally. I get it.”

She peered at him. “I know we already covered this, but you’re the same age as my boyfriend. It’s really weird.”

“Right. It’s honestly weird for me that Clay has kids who are already in their twenties. He doesn’t seem old enough.”

She smiled faintly. “Guess it’s weird for all of us.”

A man and woman approached, and Sam gave them a friendly wave and asked if they were coming on the tour. They were, and after a round of introductions, the minibus arrived. Ethan gave Clay a smile as he climbed on and sat by the window near the front on the left side of the vehicle, Sam sitting beside him.

The guide, Kerry, was middle-aged and plump, with dark hair, olive skin, and a bright smile. After chatting with the other couple and getting them settled, she stood by the front, holding on as Clay drove to the next hotel.

“Great to meet you, Sam! Clay speaks of you often. Great to have you and your mate aboard.” They nodded and agreed, and it made perfect sense that Clay had told Kerry that Ethan was Sam’s friend. Still, it hurt just a bit, and Ethan told himself he was being stupid. Not to mention unfair—if Clay came out to his colleagues, he had to do it in his own time. He breathed through the pang and refocused on Kerry.

“Ethan, I have something for you.” She leaned over her seat across the aisle and came back with a few stapled sheets of paper. “Clay asked me to bring an extra copy of my notes. Please let me know if you need me to repeat anything.”

Ethan took the paper, any hurt vanished, affection warming him. “Thank you. This is perfect.”

As they stopped at the next hotel and Clay and Kerry got off to greet a bigger group of people, Sam smiled softly and nodded to the paper. “That was nice of him.”

“Yeah.” Ethan grinned, making sure to keep his voice down. “He’s so thoughtful and kind. He does these wonderful little things that just make me feel so special.”

Sam’s smile grew, and she eyed him speculatively. “Yeah. He’s always been like that. I’m glad you can see it. He’s a real catch, my dad.”

“He is,” Ethan agreed. “I’m really lucky.”

“Shame you’re leaving so soon.” She frowned, seeming to mean it.

The warmth of happiness faded, reality returning. Ethan could only nod and try to pretend tomorrow didn’t exist.

“What are you in the mood for?”

In the kitchen, Clay handed Ethan a cold beer in a foam holder from Surfers Paradise. Scratching Gilly’s head with his free hand, Ethan said, “Whatever you like. Thanks.”

Clay added, “There’s loads of takeaway options around here. Chinese, Thai, pizza, burgers—anything you fancy.”

“You were the one working all day. What do you feel like?” Ethan tried to smile and keep his tone light. They’d kissed briefly in Clay’s truck when they’d finally been alone together, but sitting in traffic to get back to Parramatta, Ethan had kept his hands to himself. They both seemed…off, somehow. In their own heads, maybe. Not quite connecting.

Clay said, “I’ll eat anything as long as it’s not too spicy.”

“Right. Me too. Let me think…”

During the day, Ethan had been able to enjoy the gorgeous vistas of the Blue Mountains and hang with Sam and mostly forget that the clock was running down on his time with Clay.

Mostly.

Now it was their last night together. But did it have to be? Yes, Ethan had to go home and go back to work, and they lived on opposite sides of the globe in different time zones, and it’s not as if they could even meet up on weekends, and…

He sighed. Reality was so depressing.

“None of those strike your fancy?” Clay took out his phone and tapped. “There are heaps more, don’t worry. Let me see…”

“No, no, any of those are fine.” Then he blurted, “I can’t believe I’m leaving tomorrow.”

Clay gave him a half-hearted smile. “Time flies, doesn’t it?” Gilly had come to his feet, rubbing against Clay’s uniform pants. Clay petted him. “I’m sorry I can’t get the day off. If the tour wasn’t full, you could come along to the Blue Mountains again. Although you probably had your fill today.”

“No, it was amazing. It really is so beautiful. You can see for miles from the lookouts. The Three Sisters are so iconic. It was wonderful to see them in person.” God, he’d already said that in the truck, like, three times.

“Couldn’t have asked for better weather either. Barely a cloud today. A little hot, but not too bad, eh?”

“No, and I had my hat. Thanks to you.”

They smiled at each other, and God, it all felt so stilted and wrong, talking about the fucking weather.

Clay said, “I’ll be back in plenty of time to drive you to the airport, though.”

“Thanks. I… I wish I didn’t have to go.” He smiled weakly. “But I’ve used up all my vacation time. And money. So I need to make more of that.”

Clay smiled back, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Right. Of course you do.” He hesitated. “It’s not as if… Well, we’ve only just met, and I reckon I’ve got plenty to sort out.”

“Right. Totally.” He moved his hand between them, words tripping out of his mouth. “And this was great. It was what we both needed. A vacation fling or whatever.”

Clay dropped his head, rubbing at the back of his neck. “Mumble mumble.”

“Pardon?” Ethan’s stomach clenched. Please say this wasn’t just a fling.

When Clay lifted his head, he said, “Perhaps you could visit again. Or I could go to America. I know it’s not cheap, and who knows when we could manage it. Need at least two weeks of vacation time, and even then it would be tight. But we could think about it.”

Nodding eagerly, Ethan said, “Absolutely.” Yet he couldn’t help but think it wasn’t realistic. Once he was gone and they were both back in their busy, everyday routines… Would this connection hold? They were probably fooling themselves to think it could.

Ethan was on the rebound, and Clay was just coming out. He should probably date other men instead of settling down with the first one he hooked up with. Besides, everyone knew long-distance relationships rarely worked. They’d only been together a week. Maybe it was good to slow down. Maybe…

Ethan added, “We can definitely stay in touch, right? FaceTime and WhatsApp. It’s something, at least.”

Clay smiled softly. “I’d like that. Very much.”

“Me too. So we’ll do that, and I guess we’ll see what happens? And in the meantime…”

“Reckon you’ve got unfinished business with your ex-fiancé.”

Ugh, thoughts of Michael and Todd exploded in his mind, and Ethan grimaced. “Yeah. I guess so.” He shuddered, trying to shove that particular reality far away.

And fuck, Ethan needed to find an apartment. He’d been letting himself spend the week in fantasyland with Clay, and he had to face the facts. Even if he wasn’t going to stay in New York permanently, he’d spent a shit-ton of money on this trip and was in no position to quit his job. His credit card bill was going to be massive.

“Sorry to bring it up. Back to the real world and all that. I’m doing a couple runs down the Great Ocean Road next week. Then heading up to Cairns again. Back to the grind.”

“Yeah. It’s… This has been amazing, though. I had the best time this week.” Understatement of the century.

“Me too, mate.” Clay opened his mouth, then closed it.

They watched each other for a moment, the air thick with what Ethan imagined was longing. What he hoped was longing.

Clay took a gulp of beer. “Anyway, we can have a quick spot of dinner tomorrow before I drop you off.”

“Right. Great!” Ethan forced a smile. “I’ll have fun hanging with Gilly tomorrow. Need to pack too. Might do some laundry if that’s okay?”

“Yeah, of course. We can order dinner now, and I’ll show you how the washer works. Don’t have a dryer, but there’s a line outside. Everything dries in no time.”

“Great.” Wonderful. Terrific. Were they going to spend their last night together being polite and awkward and talking about fabric softener?

Clay looked at his phone. “Let’s see. Do you want something Latin, or maybe—”

“I want you to fuck me.”

Fumbling his phone, Clay dropped it on the counter beside his beer. Gilly butted against him for more pets, and Clay muttered something Ethan missed before getting Gilly’s bag of food from the pantry and filling his bowl in the little dining nook.

Pulse jumping, Ethan waited. Maybe Clay didn’t want to? Not all guys liked anal sex, and obviously that was totally fine. They probably should have talked about it before Ethan blurted it out in the kitchen the night before he was leaving the country.

When Clay was across from him again, a few feet away, Ethan said, “No pressure, though. If you’re not ready, or you don’t want to, or whatever. It’s totally cool. We should just order dinner. I didn’t mean to make things weird.”

Rubbing his face, Clay said something. When Ethan squinted and turned his head a bit, Clay dropped his hand. “Sorry. I said things are already weird, aren’t they?”

“Uh-huh. But if this is our last night together, let’s just pretend it’s not.”

“Right. We can do that. Could get hit by a truck tomorrow. Have to live in the now. That’s what Pete always says.”

Ethan nodded. “I’m still here. You’re here. We’re both here.” He laughed too loudly. “I’m the master of observation.”

Adam’s apple bobbing, Clay asked, “When you say ‘fuck,’ do you mean…”

“Your cock in my ass.”

Clay blushed pink, and it was so fucking adorable Ethan had to grin. Fuck awkwardness. Fuck reality. They were still together, and they were going to make the most of it.

He closed the distance between them, taking Clay’s face in his hands and kissing him deeply, his fingers stroking the soft hair of Clay’s beard. Clay kissed him back, wrapping his arms around Ethan’s back, their tongues meeting.

Their little gasps and moans and the smack of their lips were loud in Ethan’s hearing aids, and he loved it. Then Gilly started barking, and he had to break the kiss and wince.

Flushed, his lips red and wet, Clay gave Ethan a smile. “Hold that thought.” He ushered Gilly outside and closed the door, turning and leaning against it. “He always likes to go outside after dinner and have a nap on Sam’s lounger.”

“Cool. So we’re good?”

“We’re marvelous.” Clay grinned.

Ethan smiled back. “Tomorrow doesn’t exist. Okay?”

Clay nodded, his lips parted, breathing shallowly. “So…how…?”

“Let’s go to bed.” Ethan held out his hand, and Clay eagerly came and took it, his palm a little sweaty. Ethan squeezed and led the way.

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