"She's gone. My dad brought his mistress and her daughter home, filling the space she left. Aside from me and my grandparents, it feels like no one else in the world would miss her." Talking about it still choked her up. She lowered her eyes, took a deep breath, and steadied herself before she continued.
Cracking open the box of her feelings made the rest spill out a bit more easily.
"I've struggled with bipolar disorder before. Even though I've got it under control, it's not something you fully recover from. If I can't find equal love in you, if you betray me, I might just lose it. I'm terrified of ending up that way."
Tina never showed her vulnerabilities to anyone. But these vulnerabilities existed because of her love for Phillip.
"Phillip, if I didn't love you, I'd marry you in a heartbeat. But I refuse to end up pitiful and tragic like my mom. You've never seen her lose it. I have. She was beautiful, but in those moments, she was just... not." Her tone was steady and calm, but her eyes slowly filled with tears. "I can't bear the thought of you looking at me with the same disgust my dad had for her."
Phillip, who had been silent till now, finally spoke, "You're not your mother, because I love you."
"I'm not great with words. I prefer actions, thinking you'd understand how I feel," he said. "Sorry, Tina, for not making it clear sooner. I love you, just as much as you love me."
Tina wasn't one to cry, but now, tears rapidly gathered in her eyes.
"Our first engagement was arranged by our families, but now, I want to marry you because I love you."
Her tears finally fell, and she asked him, "Really?"
"Really. I wouldn't lie to you." Phillip pulled out a handkerchief from his jacket pocket for her. She took it, cleaning her tears, as Phillip got up from the coffee table, lifted her into his arms, and set her on the sofa.
"You love me now, but if you change heart later, you'll love someone else."
The handkerchief wasn't very absorbent, and Tina found it awkward to use, so she tossed it aside.
Her mother's tragedy had made her see through the fickleness of men and the facade of marriage. Yet, she wasn't invincible because of it.
She'd given up on marriage and set impossibly high standards for love, preferring to do without it altogether.
"You have no idea how possessive I am. I can't stand the thought of you being with another woman, touching, kissing. I'd rather not have you at all."
Phillip gently wiped the tears from
her cheeks, serious and patient. "First off, I'm
possess honored you feel so
of me. So far, you're the
only one who has, and you're the only one who ever will. I promise you that."
QUMS
Tina countered, "Would you trust a verbal agreement in business?"
"A verbal agreement is binding for me, just as much legally," Phillip said. "If it makes you more comfortable, we can put it in writing. I'll sign it for you."
She knew she couldn't argue with him on this. A gentleman's word is his bond, or so it's said.
But she played coy: "Even with a signature, agreements can be broken."
This doesn't work, that doesn't work-she was being deliberately difficult.
"If you can't trust my word, trust your judgment. The man you love isn't that poor in character," Phillip remaine patient, offering her an analogy, "If there's a place you really want to visit, but there's a one percent chance of heavy rain, would you go?"
£14.
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