Envious Desire
11

Amanda

Arriving at her building, I’m nostalgic, vivid memories of the last six months flood my head. Our celebration of 23 years was to commence in unison.

Elevator doors ease apart, taking in the vastness of the hallway, I halt before her entryway. The sound of the key connecting with the pins radiates in the hall. I twist, gaining access to her humble abode. Just as it was previously, a modern, sleek apartment, not an item out of place. With brisk feet, I rest on the door once it’s shut, eyeing every item that’s on display.

Scanning the room, unhurried, I lay my hand on the counter sweeping across it. Twisting at the waist I peer down the hallway, strolling into the bathroom and veiwing her items. Shea butter body soap, apricot face scrub, hydroreplenish face wash, coconut body lotion, shampoo and conditioner. No wonder her signature scent had always reminded me of coconut. She slathers her body in it.

Finding my way to the bedroom, her bed... made. Opening her drawers, organization is evident, even her underwear, and color coordinated. Pfft, my drawers would never see such coordination.

Laying on her bed, I extend, relishing the soft feel of her sheets. Hands flow under the pillow, uncovering an item. Dragging it into view, my eyes widen, naive to her propensity of possessing such articles. Raising the clothing to my nose, I inhale deeply when the sound of the door creaking causes me to shoot upright with the item in hand.

On the tips of my toes, I make my way to the doorway, peeking beyond the hall in hopes of viewing who has arrived. Moments of silence trigger my breathing pattern to accelerate.

Finally coming into view, his tattooed form materializes, muscles bulging from beneath his shirt. I decide to make my presence known, stepping beyond the hallway, “Axle?”

Turning to face me in an instant, his muscles tense, hands balled.

Throwing my hands in the air, ” It’s me Amanda,” I shriek with fear.

Shock coats his face, eyes slice, “Amanda, what the hell. You startled me.”

“Sorry, that wasn’t my intention.”

Face warping accompanied with furrowed eyebrows, “What are you doing here?”

Cascading my eyes to the floor, solemn and despondent, “It’s our birthday today. We were supposed to celebrate together. I came here to “be with her,” utilizing air quotes.

Pain smears across his well defined face inquiring, “How did you get in?”

“I have a key from when we were assisting Jade in recovery.”

Nodding his head, he peers around the room.

I return the query, “What are you doing here?

“Same as you. I was supposed to whisk her away. I needed to be near her today. Even if it was just her things.” His voice softened as he completed the sentence. Gliding towards the cabinets, grasping two cups and rum, he places them on the counter, discharging the liquid to fill each one.

Raising a glass, I step towards him, grasping it from his tattooed fingers.

Hoisting his glass in cheers, “Happy birthday Chloe.”

I reciprocate, “Happy birthday Chloe,” almost inaudible. Glasses meet, emanating an ear blaring clink, downing the clear liquid, my face squishes, the burning wetness coats my throat. Dropping the glass on the counter with a loud thud, I jolt from the clang.

Draining the liquid without a muscle twitching from the burn, Axle’s eyes cast to the counter.

Replenishing our glasses he raises another shot for me to grasp. “Happy birthday Amanda.” Nodding his head, our glasses meet again producing a smile.

No one has ever toasted my birthday before. It felt good to be acknowledged for once. Gesturing in the direction of the living room, he strides for the sofa grasping the bottle and glasses placing them on the table.

Making my way over, I plant beside him.

Disturbing the awkward silence, “What do you have planned for today?”

“I don’t. I just felt the need to be here.” His voice cracked, affecting my reserve.

“When she comes back, we’ll all celebrate together,” my sorry attempt to lighten the mood, I clap my hands.

Throwing back the clear liquid, “You think she’s coming back?”

“Of course, don’t you?”

“I thought I was the only one! Most people, until yesterday were explaning to me that I have to prepare for the worst but I can’t fathom a life without her.” His eyes darted to his vacant glass.

His eyes glossed over, redness consumed the white. “I keep hearing statistics and I just want to unleash my fury on their faces.”

Scooting closer, I coil my arms around him, “No! You keep your faith and believe that she’ll be back. Don’t you listen to those horrid words. You hold onto your hope. That’s what she needs right now. Those who believe she will be with us again.”

Feeling his body tremble caused my eyes to water when I hear the slightest intake of breath, my heart lurched for him. Embracing him tighter, his face found the crevice of my neck. Inhaling his scent, my eyes shut, craving to eliminate his anguish.

Clearing his throat, “My apologies, this is not my typical behavior. This is my first experience of... this,” he waved his hand in the air, “I’m a wreck.”

Cupping his chiseled jaw, I bring his stubbly cheeks to face me with watery eyes, tears streaming down my face, “Don’t you dare apologize for feeling. You are entitled to your emotions. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. See... I’m crying too.”

His eyes zoned in on my tears. “Your eyes, they sparkle just like hers.”

Flowing with our moment, an involuntary movement controlled my actions causing our lips to connect. His hand cradled my face, triggering for me to melt into him.

Pulling back with haste, wide eyed with stupification, “I sorry Amanda. I shouldn’t have done that. I... I have to go.” Shooting up from the sofa he scurried out the door, never looking back.

Watching his muscular physique disappear, I place my fingertips on my lips feeling the burn of our kiss.

Axle

My heart pounds as I approach her building. Standing before the massive structure, my breathing ceases. What the fuck am I doing here? I know she’s not here but I’m hoping when I arrive, she will be there swinging the door open welcoming me into her loving arms. Gracing me with her soft lips.

Ugh! what the fuck is wrong with me? I need to get the fuck out of here. As much as I crave to be near her, my feet cement to the floor, not allowing any movement.

Expelling a loud boisterous breath, I stretch my arm, grasping the handle, entering her building. Reaching her floor, I’m flooded with vivid gifs of amorous times spent in this very hall, evoking suffering in my chest.

Dawdling at her door, my hand rests on the doorknob, forehead on the thick wood withholding my emotions as I inhale the scent of her humble abode.

FUCK! Her home is so inviting! “I’m not giving up Chloe. I refuse to give up on you... on us.”

Extracting her keys, I lift my head, unlock the door, entering, met with undeniably painful memories. Every section of her home is riddled with images of countless days of pure ecstasy. The anguish in my chest intensifies as I catalog her living space. Shutting my eyes, I’m jolted by a voice.

“Axle?”

Twisting with fisted hands, I observe Amanda with hands raised to the high heavens, “It’s me Amanda,” her voice squealed in shock.

Eyes slice with surprise and suspicion, “Amanda, what the hell. You startled me.”

“Sorry, that wasn’t my intention,” hands cascade with ease to her sides.

Filled with curiosity, my eyebrows meet, “What are you doing here?”

A sudden shift in atmosphere beats her physique into glumness, “It’s our birthday today. We were supposed to celebrate together. I came here to “be with her,” her fingers wield air quotes.

The familiar presence of torment bashes my face, “How did you get in?”

She waved the bronze opener, “I have a key from when we were assisting Jade in recovery.”

Accepting her explanation, I’m at ease. My eyes scan the room. Curiosity piques, “What are you doing here?

Deflation consumes my voice, “Same as you. I was supposed to whisk her away. I needed to be near her today. Even if it was just her things.” My voice lightened as the elaboration fell from my lips.

Stepping towards the cabinets, I grasp two cups and her bottle of rum, placing them on the counter. Twisting the cap, I unload the liquid, occupying each glass.

Hoisting a cup towards Amanda, I utter the only logical thing I can conceptualize, “Happy birthday Chloe.”

Amanda reciprocates in a low tone, “Happy birthday Chloe.” Connecting our glasses, I guzzle it in its entirety.

Amanda’s face twists at the taste, allowing her arm to slam the cup on the counter.

Refreshing our glasses, I raise them once again, this time acknowledging Amanda is hurting as well, “Happy birthday Amanda.”

I nod my head, releasing a smile while we cheers to her new year.

Jerking my head towards the living room, I stroll grasping the bottle and glasses.

Perching beside me Amanda breaks the eerie silence, “What do you have planned for today?”

Unable to keep a stable voice, “I don’t. I just felt the need to be here.”

Clapping her hands together, with glee in her voice, “When she comes back, we’ll all celebrate together.”

Consuming the clear liquid, “You think she’s coming back?” I inquire with awe.

“Of course, don’t you?”

“I thought I was the only one! Most people, until yesterday, were explaining to me I have to prepare for the worst but I can’t fathom a life without her.” Expelling those words, I felt a sharp sting in my eyes.

I commence, “I keep hearing statistics and I just want to unleash my fury on their faces.”

Shifting, she embraces me. It’s comforting almost soothing when I get a whiff of coconut.

“No! You keep your faith and believe she’ll be back. Don’t you listen to those horrid words. You hold onto your hope. That’s what she needs right now. Those who believe she will be with us again.”

I couldn’t help but allow my emotions to consume me.

Her grip tightened, I repositioned my face to her neck, inhaling the rich scent of coconut, of Chloe.

Fuck, what the hell? I clear the emotions from my throat, “My apologies, this is not my typical behavior. This is my first experience of... this. I’m a wreck.”

Her warm hands find my unshaven cheeks, bringing us eye to eye. I observe the streams flowing from her beautiful brown eyes. They resemble Chloe’s through my blurred vision.

“Don’t you dare apologize for feeling. You are entitled to your emotions. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. See... I’m crying too.”

“Your eyes, they sparkle just like hers.”

Suddenly her lips fell upon mine, shutting my eyes. Her scent, her look, Chloe, it’s her. Cradling her face, her light moan snaps me back to the current situation.

Releasing her from my grasp, what the fuck did I just do? “I’m sorry Amanda. I shouldn’t have done that. I... I have to go.”

Springing off the sofa, I chastise myself for yearning for Chloe so much so that I believed she was with me and acted on impulse.

Storming out the door, I refuse to observe Amanda’s reaction to my brainless movements.

~~~

They kissed! WTF??

Thoughts??

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