Break the Day (Nightstar Book 1)
Chapter 15

They didn’t end up finding the crazy, white-haired lady, but Ain couldn’t say he’d been paying much attention to the search. He knew he should be, but he just couldn’t help but watch Fenn and his overthinking. Despite having that talk, it was clear Fennrin was still thinking about what that sundering guard had spewed.

And it was hard not to notice when Fennrin was now avoiding physical contact with him in public. And yes, Ainreth didn’t blame the shadowforger for reacting like this, but it made him even angrier at all the people who were judging Fenn, fearing him, just because he was a shadowforger. Maybe he hadn’t been clear enough in his speech.

He should have blinded that misborn asshole. Surely Ainreth would have gotten away with something like this.

They were about to get back to the palace, report on their sabotage-induced failure to the Bulwark, and probably blighted Varilik, too, but for once Ain wouldn’t mind his presence so much. The Herald seemed to dislike people not giving Fenn a chance, and he had a lot of power. Hopefully, he’d do something because this was unacceptable. How was Fenn supposed to help them out when their own people were capable of doing things like this?

Ainreth still couldn’t believe that guard had committed treason, endangered Ainreth, just because he believed so deeply that a shadowforger on their side would bring an end to Lys-Akkaria. As if Orinovo wasn’t right there to prophesize about doing that. Again.

It was absolutely ridiculous that Ain had burned hundreds of soldiers to death at once, still not even sure he knew how to do it again, and yet no one was afraid of him. Meanwhile, Fenn who had done nothing was getting all this nonsense thrown at him.

He tried to grab Fenn’s hand as they reached the palace, but Fenn put his away. Okay, enough was enough. Because Ainreth didn’t doubt for a second that Fennrin was avoiding him for some very stupid reason. He was sure it wasn’t just that he wanted to be alone and think for a while because he hadn’t left Ain’s side for even a second.

Grabbing his shoulder instead and forcing him to stop right in front of the staircase leading up to the palace gate, Ain leaned in close, staring Fenn right in his beautiful eyes.

“What’s wrong?”

Fennrin looked away, trying to pull away, but Ainreth didn’t let him, holding him tighter. And so Fenn deflated, seemingly giving up on keeping this to himself. “If people see we are together, they might shun you, too.”

Ainreth stared at him for a second, let out a disbelieving laugh next, then shook his head at how ridiculous that thought was. “Fenn….” He let go of the other man’s shoulder and grabbed his wrist. “Come on.”

Fennrin couldn’t protest before Ain was pulling him along, right to the little square in front of the palace where most people were walking. He would lead Fenn to the markets, the busiest place in the city, but it was too far away, and they did need to report on what had happened.

“Where are we going?” Fennrin hissed at him, now sounding annoyed. Good, Ain would that much rather than to see him sad.

Ainreth didn’t answer, simply stopping in the center of the square, looking around. There were around forty people going back and forth, to and from the palace, not paying them any attention. Damned nobles were too used to Ainreth being present. It seemed he’d have to call attention to him.

“Hey, everyone!” he yelled at the top of his lungs, making everyone turn to look at him. Great. “I have an announcement to make!”

Fenn’s eyes grew wide then, staring at Ain with his face full of terror, clearly already realizing what Ain was about to do, but Ainreth wouldn’t be stopped.

“I am very sad to disappoint all of you gentlemen, but my heart belongs only to my beloved shadowforger!” he said, unable not to grin as wide as he could, his heart fluttering. It felt so amazing to be able to say that. And then before Fenn could say anything, or probably run away, Ain leaned in, bringing their lips together, his hand buried in the hair at the back of Fenn’s head, under his ponytail.

Despite how awfully tense he was, Fenn melted against him almost immediately, his hands grasping at Ain’s cloak as he kissed back. Ain wanted to deepen it further, but they should probably get going. He had made his point.

Some of the people groaned, while others actually clapped and congratulated him. One man muttered something about it being about time. Though Ain wasn’t really paying attention as he pulled away, running his eyes over Fenn’s red face. The shadowforger was the only one he could look at.

“A lightweaver and a shadowforger, together. Poetic, huh?” he whispered.

Fennrin ducked his head, his blush growing even darker.

“We need to go see the Bulwark,” he rushed out, making the whole sentence sound like one word, but when Ain took his hand into his, he immediately squeezed back, his head still ducked as they walked back to the palace.

Poor Fenn was not used to things like this, and Ainreth didn’t like making him uncomfortable, but this needed to be said. He was sure rumors had started the moment they were seen together, but if not, they were going to spread like wildfire now. The nobles liked to gossip.

And that was good. Ainreth never wanted Fenn to think he had to hide himself just for Ainreth’s benefit. As if he had ever cared about all the hero worship. Sure, it was nice sometimes, good for his ego, but he hadn’t asked for it, and if it was this easily shaken, then good riddance.

They didn’t even need to ask to meet with the Bulwark, the guards at the gate telling them to go to the meeting room they’d gone to the first time Fenn had been here, that both the Herald and the Bulwark were.

And so Ain led Fenn there, not a word spoken between them. Not that there needed to be. They held hands the entire way, though, not stopping when they entered the room and even as they sat down opposite the two Courtiers, which was a good sign. Clearly, Fennrin wasn’t all that interested in being stubborn about protecting Ain’s reputation.

Even the thought of it made the lightweaver feel sick. It was ridiculous. He and Fenn needed to have a talk later.

“I gather you found the assassins,” the Bulwark said, her arms folded on the table in front of her as she leaned in closer, curiosity on her face. And next to her was Varilik, shooting a dark look at the…table in front of Ainreth and Fennrin?

The Herald’s expression cleared up when he noticed Ain looking at him, but Ainreth still searched for what Varilik had been looking at, only to realize that he’d been scowling at his and Fenn’s clasped hands on the table.

Ain glared at the Herald, having no idea what this could mean, but he just squeezed Fenn’s hand tighter.

“Yes, we found the assassins. They’re dead. But we have other problems now,” Ainreth said, quickly summarizing the events of their mission, the two Courtiers listening intently and silently. Ain periodically looked at Varilik, expecting him to do something strange again, but the man was focused and serious, listening to him. Strange.

Once Ainreth revealed what had happened with the traitorous guard, though, Varilik put on a glare of outrage, much like the Bulwark. Except her glare was much angrier. Even though Ainreth couldn’t care less what Varilik thought, he was glad to see him getting offended by what had happened, also.

“This cannot repeat,” she said, her fists clenched. If Ain weren’t so angry himself, he would have smiled at how the Bulwark had changed her opinion on Fenn. Apparently, their training sessions had worked in terms of bonding. “Guards are technically not under my jurisdiction, but I will send letters to all the major towns, and strongly suggest that they educate their guards on this.”

Varilik shook his head, scoffing. “I cannot believe a guard let such an important prisoner loose simply because he believed Fennrin here would endanger our country when he’s done nothing but the opposite.”

“He was a sundering idiot,” Ainreth added through gritted teeth, to which the Herald hummed.

“And that Yarima person. Do you believe she is who she claimed? That she can take az-ari powers for herself?” Varilik continued, looking at Fenn now. Ain narrowed his eyes. He didn’t like the misborn even perceiving his Fenn, but he supposed there would be no avoiding that. Unfortunately.

“I don’t know what to think,” Fenn said, his voice quiet. Ain was surprised he’d spoken at all, seeing as he’d not said anything the whole time so far. He ran his thumb over the back of the shadowforger’s hand.

“Me neither. I think she was insane.”

Maybe he was being far too quick to brush this off, especially given that this Yarima person had expressed her desire to take his power, and even worse Fenn’s, but he couldn’t bring himself to care about whether she was lying or not. Fenn could beat her easily, no matter what. He could become a shadow. That was hard to beat, no matter what.

“Regardless, there must have been a reason for Orinovo to issue an order to apprehend her,” the Bulwark pointed out, her eyes narrowed in thought. “There’s been rapid movement of their soldiers to the border, heading mostly to the wall. We’ve sent our own soldiers there as well, hoping to stave off an attack, but the queen seems decided on attacking us, and they have a larger army than us.”

Varilik nodded as Ainreth frowned. He’d known Orinovo was moving soldiers, but he hadn’t known it was preparing to invade so soon. And it did sound like they were going to do it soon if they were moving soldiers like this.

Still, winter was beginning. No one would want to start a war in winter, what with the snow everywhere and the awful temperatures. Not even someone as insane as the queen of Orinovo.

Hm, maybe Yarima was her daughter after all.

“Tysalin and I believe this may all be an attempt to remove Fennrin, much like the assassination attempt had been,” said Varilik, looking only at Fenn now. “You have grown very powerful very quickly, but you have not reached your full potential yet, and you likely won’t for years, still. But if Orinovo attacks, we will need you on the front lines, defending us, seeing as without you we have much less of a chance to win. If you are willing, of course.”

Fennrin readily nodded, swallowing. But he didn’t look nervous, or like he was regretting coming to Kyr-Toryl in the first place. There was worry in his eyes, though—worry that Ainreth wanted to hug away.

“I theorize this might be a calculated move by the queen. She knows we have to use you in this battle if we hope to win, which means she might be trying to force you to face her army before you are ready, hoping to remove you from the playing board.”

Ainreth gritted his teeth again. He didn’t like that this seemed plausible. Why else would the queen be rushing this? Moving a large part of her army to one spot in hopes of killing him and Fenn would take a while, still, but that didn’t get them much time. He truly hoped that winter would be harsh enough to buy them more of it.

“We will need you to train even more than before, Fennrin,” said the Bulwark, a hint of guilt in her gaze, but once more Fenn nodded without questioning anything. Ain felt pride swell within him. He wished they could just stay at home in bed and do nothing all day, but he couldn’t help but admire how ready Fenn always was to do what was right.

“Of course. I will do my best.”

“We will do our best,” Ain added, squeezing Fenn’s hand. Fenn immediately squeezed back. “We’ll start training very first thing in the morning.”

“Yes, good. I will join you,” said the Bulwark, raising an eyebrow at Ain. She would just nag him about his sword handling, but he didn’t really mind. If he was alone with Fenn, sword fighting, he didn’t think he’d be able to keep his hands to himself. Fenn was very attractive when fighting. Ain couldn’t help but stare.

“Good. That is the best we can do as we wait for Orinovo to make its move. Let us hope that this Yarima is truly working against the queen, and that she is not on her side,” Varilik said, sighing. “For all our sakes.”

The moment they entered his house, Ain felt himself grow so tired. The ride to Lor-Amren and back here had taken a lot out of him, but it seemed that fact was only catching up with him now. And there would be no sleeping yet, not until he and Fenn had a talk.

Ainreth would fully respect if Fenn wanted to sleep in his own bed. They had gotten together only yesterday, after all. Things were moving very fast, and while Ainreth was ready to say yes if Fenn randomly asked him to marry him, that didn’t mean that Fennrin felt the same way, and he needed to keep reminding himself of that.

That said, he really hoped Fenn would want to cuddle. Ainreth would get lonely without now that he knew cuddling was a possibility. Assuming Fenn would like it, but of course he would—Ain was a master cuddler.

They both headed upstairs to disrobe, Fenn taking off his coat and hanging it on a hook in the guest bedroom, which Ain could see because Fenn hadn’t closed the door, while Ain took off his cloak and armor.

Ain couldn’t help but smile as he watched him. It was time to pop the question. “Hey, Fenn, do you maybe want to sleep with me?”

Fennrin froze, staring at Ain in shock, his cheeks growing bright red, his eyes bulging out. “Uh…”

Ainreth wanted to smack his forehead. The sun burn him, he hadn’t even thought of how this would come out sounding. Why hadn’t he just asked Fenn directly about cuddling? Idiot. “I mean we could cuddle! In my bed. That’s all. Sorry.” He rubbed the bridge of his nose before letting out a shaky chuckle. “I mean, hey, if you want the other kind of sleeping with me, I’m always interested, but I’m tired. I thought we could sleep in one bed. Nothing more.”

Fenn’s face was still red as he scratched at the back of his neck, clearing his throat. “Oh. Um, yes, I think I would like that. Is it like…hugging?”

Ain raised an eyebrow. “Fenn, do you…not know what cuddling is?”

Fenn ducked his head, his face growing a deep red again, but this time he was scowling as well, clearly irritated. “Of course I know what it is. I’ve just…never done it, is all.”

Ainreth immediately felt anger stir within him at everyone Fenn had ever known. How could anyone not want to cuddle with him? But that said, Ain certainly didn’t mind showing Fenn how it worked.

“Come here,” he said, offering the shadowforger a hand with a smile. Still blushing, Fenn walked to him, taking his hand. He was probably expecting Ain to lead him to his bed, but Ainreth wasn’t going to make him walk. That would be rude.

Ain grinned at Fenn’s alarmed cry when he snuck a hand around his back and under his knees, picking him up before he could react properly. Fennrin clung to his tunic for a second before throwing Ainreth a glare, though there was no force behind it, his cheeks flushed as he pressed his head against Ain’s shoulder.

“Aw, look at you, you got heavier!” Ain cried happily when he realized, leaning in to give Fenn a quick kiss. “Good, about time.”

Fenn ducked his head again, blushing harder as Ain began carrying him to the bed. “Not surprising. All I’ve done here is eat. Using your money, too.”

Ainreth shook his head. What a ridiculous thing to say. Fenn had been severely underweight. Not to mention that he’d spent most of his time learning how to use his powers and training with the Bulwark. “You’ve been doing much more than that, and you know it. Not to mention that if you let me, I would spend all of my money on you, liri.”

Fenn sputtered, opening his mouth a few times as he clearly struggled to reply to that before finally giving up. Ain wondered if it was the old-language pet name or the content of what he’d said that was causing Fenn issues, but he was incredibly adorable so flustered.

When they’d reached the bed and so Ain gently lay Fennrin down on it, climbing onto the bed himself and stretching out right next to the shadowforger, who he then immediately put his arms around. Fenn did the same, hesitantly putting an arm around Ain’s waist, snuggling closer so he could push his face against the lightweaver’s shoulder.

“Pretty good, right?”

Who was Ain kidding? This was much better than pretty good. It was perfect. Being so near Fenn, being able to hold him, relaxing next to him…. Already Ainreth knew he would have trouble getting up in the morning. How was he supposed to stop cuddling?

Fenn said nothing, though he nodded against Ainreth’s shoulder, making him grin again. Though as adorable as Fenn was this overwhelmed, Ain hoped he’d get used to it soon. He didn’t want to make him uncomfortable.

“I’m still wearing my boots, though,” he muttered, sounding like he was already half asleep. Ain wondered if he even had his eyes open, pressed so close to his chest. Ain couldn’t help but snort, shaking his head. He hadn’t realized that, but he couldn’t say he cared.

“The bedsheets can take it.”

Fenn hummed, not moving an inch. He should probably take off his boots, which wouldn’t be comfortable to sleep in, but otherwise, Ain didn’t care one bit about it.

“Ain, why do you like me?”

Ain almost flinched, looking down at Fenn in concern. The shadowforger hadn’t moved, he wasn’t looking at him, but he had tensed up, much like Ain himself. Well, then, if Fenn needed a list….

“Is this because of that blighted guard said?”

Fenn sighed, pulling away a little, showing his face. He still wasn’t looking at Ain though, preferring to stare at his chest, which should have been flattering, but it really wasn’t in this context. “No one else likes me.”

“That’s not true at all,” Ain said. Unfortunately, the first example that came to mind was Varilik, but Ainreth was going to ignore him. “Petre likes you.”

“Do they?” Fenn’s questioning tone almost sounded desperate. Like he was, while skeptical, also wishing it was true very much.

“Yeah, of course they like you.” Ain sighed, so, so angry at the world for making Fennrin think these things. “Only an idiot wouldn’t. And Petre is smart.”

Fenn huffed out a laugh. Ain could feel him relaxing a little where he still had his arm draped over the shadowforger’s chest. “Are you calling nearly all of Lys-Akkaria idiots?”

Ain smiled, though he still wanted to punch someone. Ideally, the misborn who let Yarima go. One punch wasn’t nearly enough. He wanted to make a joke out of this, since Fenn seemed to be steering the conversation that way, but Ain felt like he had to be serious about this.

“Fenn, I like everything about you. How brave you are, how much you care about things, how you’re so willing to help Lys-Akkaria—help me—after all the bad life threw at you.” Ain shook his head just thinking about it. It made him so angry to think about how Fenn was abandoned by his parents because he was a shadowforger. He wanted to go to their house and teach them a lesson.

“You’re so strong.” Ain smiled, even as Fenn stared back at him, doubtful. “And I mean mentally, though let me tell you, it’s incredibly attractive that you can lift practically anything with a thought.”

Damn him, Ain even liked the fact that Fenn could kill people equally as easily. He was wise enough not to say that because it would probably come across as unhinged, but it was true.

“The moment I saw you, I just knew you were the one for me,” Ain added, grinning wide, his insides fluttering just thinking about it. He wasn’t even changing things to make Fenn feel better, that was literally what had happened. He’d had a feeling about Fenn from the moment they’d met.

“Really?” Fenn was now giving him a suspicious frown. Dammit, he must have gotten too sincere about how deeply he had fallen for Fenn. But it was hard to resist expressing it when Fenn was feeling insecure.

“Yeah, of course. You think I’d let just anyone stay at my house?”

Fenn frowned in thought. “I…suppose not. That is not something that happens often?”

Ain chuckled. “Of course not. I mean, I do have the guest bedroom, but that came with the house. Varilik just gave it to me. I didn’t even choose it.”

“Oh.” Fenn frowned harder. “I thought…. Never mind.”

Ain raised an eyebrow, still smiling. “What, you thought I’d be bringing a new guy here every other night if you weren’t here?” Fennrin blushed hard, his hand flying up to cover up his face. Ainreth just pulled him closer. “No, I never did that. I don’t invite people here. You get special privileges.”

“I just don’t understand,” Fennrin said, groaning as he turned over so he was lying on his back, his hands rubbing at his temples. Ain begrudgingly let go of him, propping himself up onto his elbow.

“Understand what?”

Fenn sighed, looking over at Ain with his face twisted into a miserable frown. “How are you so sure that I’m not a danger when everyone else thinks so?”

Ain shrugged. He wished he could give Fenn whatever answer he was looking for that would convince him, but all he could say was what he’d already told him. He supposed he’d just say it again and again until Fenn believed him.

“Because I’m not letting some superstition decide how I feel.” He gently brushed Fenn’s hair away from his eyes, smiling down at him. His heart felt like it was melting in his chest, but in an incredibly pleasant way. “I’m actually very disappointed in our people. You would think saving my life, twice, would be enough to prove you’re a good guy. But no.”

Ainreth rolled his eyes, laying down on his back too, right next to Fenn. Though his yearning to touch him didn’t let him stay like that for long, his hand finding the shadowforger’s almost instinctually.

“We’ll prove to everyone you’re no one to be feared,” Ain continued, smiling at the other man, who stared back, his eyes wide and vulnerable. Ainreth swallowed, seeing that. He looked so much younger like that. Ain almost felt like he was seeing him in a completely new light.

“I hope you’re right.”

Ain’s heart clenched at the open misery in Fenn’s eyes, and he couldn’t help but put his arms around him, pulling him close. Fennrin immediately hugged him back, laying his head on Ainreth’s chest, which prompted Ain to kiss the top of his head.

“Of course I’m right. Just you wait, liri.”

Fenn sighed, closing his eyes. “I like it when you call me that.”

Ain laughed, kissing his head once more. He’d make sure to call Fenn every pet name under the sun just to see him smile. And he was determined to see it as often as possible.

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