Big girls don't cry
38. I'm sorry

Aleida’s POV

Snow. Cold. Lifeless. Everything around me is dark, except for the snow plastered with blood all around me. My breaths are heavy, and I can feel the blood inside of my mouth. Werewolves around me scream in terror. I look around, determined to find out what they’re fearing and where the danger comes from. What makes my heartbreak is that they all are looking at me with terrified expressions. Oh, moon goddess, what did I do? The panic inside of me is growing, and my heartbeat is rising drastically.

“Aleida, wake up!”

I wake up with an ear-piercing scream and tears falling down my cheeks. My whole body is shaking, and my head hurts really bad. My eyes scan the room; it’s my bedroom where I fell asleep last night with Michael on the floor. He looks at me with worry.

“Are you okay?” he asks, and I rub my temples to try to release a bit of my headache.

“What happened?” I ask in barely a whisper.

“You were sleeping just fine when I left the room to make breakfast, and suddenly you were screaming your lungs out—crying and begging someone to stop. I ran straight up here and found you here like a total wreck. You don’t look so good, Aleida. Maybe we should call the pack doctor to check on you and the pup...” he says, but I don’t need a doctor; I have Lisa for this, and that’s why I open our link.

Hi Lisa, is the pups okay?

They’re okay; there’s no need to worry. I promise to tell you if somethings wrong, just relax.

Thank you.

Anytime. By the way, when are you going to tell them that there are two pups inside you?

I don’t know, Lisa. Now is not the time for stuff like that.

It was just a question, geez... You’re grumpy when you’re pregnant.

No shit, Sherlock...

I close the link and look at Michael.

“I’m fine, and the pup is fine, I asked my wolf, and she said that there’s no need to worry. At least not yet.”

“Oh, that’s good then. You need to eat; I made breakfast downstairs.”

“That sounds amazing; I’m just going to grab a quick shower, okay?”

“All right, I’ll be waiting downstairs.”

“Thank you, Michael. You’re my rock.”

He leaves the room smiling, and I walk into the bathroom. My clothes fall to the floor, and I clean my body fast before starting on my hair. Like I’ve said earlier, I’m not too fond of long showers. That’s why I finish within ten minutes. I’m drying my hair with a fluffy white towel when I feel the tingling in the back of my head. With a sigh, I open up my mindlink and Kian’s voice booms inside my head.

Where are you?

I’m in our old house.

What are you doing there?

Breathing?

Why can’t you breathe here at home?

Because neither one of you made it easy for me to stay over there... You don’t understand Kian; no one does. You both break my heart over and over again like it’s some sick game to you. I need you to believe me when I tell you about what’s to come, but you don’t. That’s on you. Now, if you don’t mind, I have my breakfast waiting.

Wait!

What?

I-I really miss you, lepa.

I miss you too, trust me, I really do. But right now, this is the best solution for all of us.

I cut the mindlink and leave the bathroom to walk downstairs to my breakfast. When I walk into the kitchen, Michael is sitting by the table with a cup of coffee in his hand and a big smile over his features. He has made a colorful breakfast with eggs, bacon, pancakes, sausages, fruits, berries, juice, and much more. How long was he awake to do this, really?

“Oh, Michael! This looks amazing; thank you so much,” I say, beaming at him.

“A future mother has earned this food, and since you’re an amazing person, you deserve it even more,” he answers smiling.

I can’t do much more than smile at him while I’m stuffing my face full with food, making me moan; I genuinely love food. We talk and laugh with each other when the door flies open. Michael stands before me, ready to attack whomever it is. However, he soon relaxes because it’s just the betas, alphas, and my brother who walks in.

“You guys suck at doing your jobs; you know that, right?” I scold the betas with bacon in my mouth.

“Well, we... We heard moaning and thought...” Kian mumbles.

“Oh, you thought that I was cheating? Trust me, hun, you would know if I were. I’m just enjoying my guilty pleasure, called food.”

I ignore them and keep eating; I have almost eaten all the food by myself. There’s just some bacon and sausage left.

“Damn girl, you can eat,” Jason says with wide eyes.

“Oh boy...” Henry mumbles.

I turn around slowly, and everyone has panic-stricken looks on their faces. Jason looks like he wants to die. I walk up to him, and he backs away.

“First, I’m fucking pregnant. Second, I love food, and you know it. Third, you always scold me for eating too little, and fourth, I can still kick your fucking ass!” I growl, pushing him in the chest, which makes him fly away into the wall. “Damn, pregnancy hormones are the shit.”

I walk back and sit down to continue to eat, ignoring everything that just happened. No one says a word when they spread out in the kitchen, watching me amused.

“What?”

“You sure like meat,” Killian laughs.

“Me and the pup, thank you very much. Ms. Peanut and I are very happy when we get to eat bacon.”

“Ms. Peanut?” Kian asks, confusion written over his handsome face.

“Yeah, I decided to call her that.”

“Her? Do you know the gender?”

“No, it’s wishful thinking. I have concluded that I have enough men in my life,” I answer, bored.

They chuckle at my comment, and the tension slowly disappears from the room. I pick up a sausage and puts it in my mouth, swallowing it whole without choking. Jason looks terrified; my mates have eyes full of lust, while the betas and Michael laugh.

“Deep throat much?” Henry asks with a smirk.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” I ask, challenging; my mates growl, which makes me roll my eyes at them. “It was a joke, geez...”

I continue to eat until I finish everything; I rise from my chair and look down at my stomach. Damn, the food made it swollen... Wait, no, werewolves have high metabolism; there’s no way this bump comes from the food.

“Hi baby, how have you grown without me noticing?” I coo at my stomach while I walk out of the kitchen.

I lay down on the couch, and I can feel my mates following me. I open one of my closed eyes to look at them.

“What?” I ask.

“Um... Can we please see your stomach?” Miliano asks; aw, that’s sweet.

“Okay.”

They crouch down on the floor, and I lift my shirt for them to see it. My mates are about to touch it when Miliano stops.

“Can we?” he asks.

I nod my head, and they put their hands on it. The smiles that shine brightly on their faces when they feel the babies’ heartbeat are amazing to see. They don’t know that it’s twins, however. I don’t know why I can’t tell them... It feels like something profound inside me tells me not to, that it’s not the time to do it yet. I can’t really explain it.

Aleida?

Lisa? What’s wrong?

Rogues...

I growl loudly and run out of the house. I’m about to shift before I stop myself.

It’s okay, Aleida. The moon goddess protects your babies; you can shift without hurting them.

With that knowledge, I shift mid-air and run to the packhouse. My boys close behind me. When we arrive, there are rogues everywhere. I jump into the fight immediately with my pack around us, fighting for our protection and pride. I kill two rogues in front of me, and when Kian gives me a worried look, I nod to show him that the baby is protected. We fight and kill every rogue we find, but in the end, it’s too many of them. Suddenly everyone in my pack falls to their knees, and from the looks of it, they can’t move. Why am I not affected? I run to my mates and try to help them, to no vain. The wind swirls around the house, and when I turn around, there’s one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen in my life standing before me. The look she gives me, oh boy, if looks could kill, then I would be dead several times.

“Who are you!?” I yell.

“I’m your “mates” real love.”

“I don’t have time for riddles!”

“I’m Jana.”

“And what the fuck do you want!?”

“I don’t want anything; I’m just a simple servant.”

“Then what...”

A dark chuckle comes from the shadows behind her. When he comes into my vision, my whole body freezes.

“That’s right, my beautiful Aleida. It’s me.”

“No...” I whisper.

“Oh yes, it’s me.”

“Jonathan.”

“Know youe place, mutt!” Jonathan shouts, my pack members growl at him.

“What the fuck do you want!?” I scream at him.

“It’s very simple, darling...”

“Then tell me, leave my pack the fuck alone!”

“You.”

“Me?”

“Yes. That’s what I want, you. If you come with us, your pack and your mates will be left alone,” he says, and without caring about the consequences, I start my walk to them.

“Aleida, no!” Kian screams.

“I’m sorry, baby, I have to save you,” I say with a broken voice and tears streaming down my face.

“You can’t leave us!” Miliano screams.

“I’m always with you, my love,” I whisper.

“The cute moment is over! Resign from your position as luna, now!” Jonathan screams, and I sigh.

“I, Aleida Mendez, with this resign from my position and right to be luna over the Blood winter moon pack.”

A lonely tear falls down my cheek when I feel all the connections with the members break. It hurts like hell. To lose a member feels like you get a drill through your head; to lose your whole pack at once is to lose your heart.

“Such a good girl,” Jonathan says and kisses me on the forehead.

“Don’t you dare to touch her!” Kian growls, but Jonathan just chuckles and ignores him.

“Now, Aleida. Since you’re not marked, reject your mates.”

“Wha-what!?”

“You heard me, reject your mates or watch them die!”

“Aleida, please, we will find another way; you’re going to die!” Miliano screams in a broken voice.

“I’m so sorry...” I sob loudly and breathe in before I break my own heart. “I, Aleida Mendez, with this reject Kian and Miliano Vidovic as my mates.”

I fall to my knees after that. My mates looks all right, which confuses me.

“Confused?” Jonathan snickers and asks the other. “You see, Aleida here, we made sure that she’s the one to take all of the pain from the rejection. Her mates won’t feel a thing while she will feel it three times as much!”

“But that will kill her!” Jason screams, terrified, while Jonathan laughs heartily.

“She already knew what she did, didn’t you, Aleida? Deep down, you knew that you were the one who would take all the blame and pain. That’s what happens when you make a deal with the moon goddess; nothing is ever free.”

“Aleida, is this true?” Kian asks me with tears in his eyes.

“I’m sorry...” I cry.

“You knew this whole time that you were going to die!?” Miliano screams in agony.

“She didn’t know everything, in her defense. The moon goddess can be very fuzzy sometimes when it comes to details. There’s always someone who has to pay the price, and because Aleida is the werewolf queen, she must take the pain to protect her people. She understood this and amazed me with how fast she was to accept her faith.”

“Aleida... Please...” Kian cries.

“This is the only way to keep you all safe,” I answer confidently but with tears falling heavily down my cheeks.

“But...”

“Shut it! All of you! It’s time for us to leave. Take a good look at your precious alpha because this is the last time you’ll see her!”

“No!” my mates roar in unison.

“I love you, always. Never forget that!” I tell them.

I stand beside the witch and my former alpha. The spell is gone from my pack and mates; they run towards me.

“Aleida, don’t!”

Just when they’re about to reach me, we vanish into thin air. Oh, my dear loves, I hope you someday can forgive me...

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