Big girls don't cry
18. Not the reality I imagined

Aleida’s POV

The sun shines through the blinds and almost makes me blind in the process. I squint my eyes, and after a couple of moments, I’m able to open my eyes all the way. My whole body hurts, and I don’t know why. Do you know those videos of objects being mashed by big machines? That’s how my body feels at the moment. My face pulsates, and when I touch it, I can feel that it’s swollen. The body manages to carry me to the bathroom; my reflection in the mirror stares back at me, and let me tell you, it’s no beautiful sight. It looks like I just crawled up from the sewer... My hair is tangled, face swollen, red eyes, pale skin, and bags under my eyes. Damn, I look like crap! What the hell happened last night? The memories float back to me. Oh right, now I remember, and it doesn’t make me feel better about myself or my situation. I really like Miliano, but I also like Kian. If Miliano comes here to bring me back, Kian will be heartbroken, and I’m not sure that I can be responsible for hurting him. At the same time, I don’t want Miliano to feel that either. This really is a pickle. Whatever I choose to do, one of them will get heartbroken. Ugh! Why can’t my life be easy for one god damn moment?! I need to calm down and catch my erratic breathing or go into a full-blown breakdown; I sit down on the toilet lid and massage my temples in slow circles.

“You’re okay, Aleida, you’re okay, just breath,” I tell myself over and over.

It takes time, but after a while, I slowly calm down and sigh before standing up. I look at myself in the bathroom mirror one more time before I decide that it’s time for a much-needed shower. My clothes fall into a pile on the floor, and I walk inside the oversized shower. The warm water cascades down my body, and the warmth spreads in the room. I massage the shampoo into my hair and scalp before I begin cleaning my body. My sore body eagerly accepts every little touch; it feels incredible. I rinse my body and wrap myself in a big fluffy pink towel; I let out a frustrated sigh when I remember.

“Fuck, I forgot the clothes,” I mumble to myself.

I’m not ashamed of my body, not in the slightest, but this whole thing with Kian is new. I don’t think it’s a good idea to walk around half-naked and give him ideas that may destroy our entire... Thing. Yeah, I’m calling it a “thing” because I don’t know what we are. I tiptoe out of the bathroom, into the walk-in closet, and quickly put on some clothes. It’s pretty hot outside today; maybe a dress will be practical. I pick out a royal blue slim dress that stops mid-thigh with baby blue sandals. When I finish dressing, I walk back to the bathroom to look for a hairdryer. Every cabinet and drawer is open and not one, not a single hairdryer for miles. I sigh, defeated, before opening the bedroom door to shout to Kian.

“Hey, Kian?”

I hear his feet shuffle downstairs when he walks closer to the staircase to listen to me.

“Yeah, lepa?”

“Do you have a hairdryer anywhere?”

“Uhm... Isn’t it one in the bathroom?”

“No, there isn’t. Do you really think I would ask you without looking first?”

Oh my, where does all this sass come from?

“Then no, I’m very sorry. We can go shopping later this week to buy those things you need but don’t have. I’m sorry, lepa.”

I feel bad. What’s with the attitude toward my mate? All Kian’s does, he does for me, and how do I repay him? By behaving like a brat. Get it together, Aleida!

“Sorry, Kian, I don’t know what I...”

“It’s okay, lepa, come down when you finish. I have a surprise for you that may both shock and confuse you.”

His words make me nervous; what is it? Oh, moon goddess, he wants me to leave, doesn’t he?! No, no, Aleida, take a deep breath; you’re going to be okay. You’ve made your way through life on your own; you’re a survivor and will get through whatever he throws your way. I walk back to the bedroom and dries my hair with the towel for a long time until it’s at least damp. My long brown hair doesn’t stop until my waist, and it’s shining more than ever before. When it’s brushed and taken care of, I take it in my hands and twine it. My braid is long and thick; I almost look like Rapunzel, except she had a lot longer hair than me. I put on some light eyeliner, mascara, blush, and a soft peach matte lipstick; before I can walk out the door, I know that I need to relax for a bit. The anxiety is rising within me, and it won’t be pretty if I walk down right now. I feel the wind from the balcony and decides to step outside. The sun is warming my skin, and for the first time in like forever, I feel secure and alive. I look out over the forest and suddenly feel this longing of running there, but instead shake my head and focus on the matter at hand. On shaky legs, I walk towards the staircase and stop when I reach it. I have to walk downstairs and face whatever it is Kian wants me to see. With a deep breath, I make my way down. There’s no one downstairs, and I look around, confused. The back door is open, and I see Kian talk to someone; he seems tense. He sees me through the door and motions for me to come to him. Slowly I make my way towards him. I look down at my feet, not daring to look up. I’m curious, which is why I look up for a moment and freeze at the sight in front of me. My panic is rising when I see Kian, Henry, Miliano, Killian, Jason, and Nathan standing before me. My mouth opens wide in an ‘O’ shape.

“Hey, baby girl,” Miliano says and smiles big at me. “Don’t I get a hug?”

They all smile at me and me; what do I do? No guesses? I run; I run for my life towards the forest. I hear them shout my name over and over, but don’t look back; I need to get out of here. They’re going to hurt me so severely; they’ll hate me for having another mate than just one of them. I don’t believe that it’s my fault though, if they want to blame someone, then they can blame the moon goddess! I hear how paws are slamming against the ground behind me. My panic rises even more, and I continue to run even though my body is screaming at me to stop. Suddenly an enormous black wolf jumps over me and stands in front of me. I back away slowly and feel something big behind me, another wolf in the same weight and height as the one in front of me. They look almost the same; the only difference is the eyes. There are four other wolves around us, and that is it. I kick the wolf on its snout and begin running again when I hear the wolf whine loudly. One of them, I don’t know which, growls at me. For some reason, that makes me stop and turn around. All the six wolves sit before me like dogs and are just looking at me. They all are familiar in some way. I walk up to one of them on wobbly legs and slowly reach out my hand to pet the head. He leans into my hand and licks my arm. I look into those eyes and suddenly understand, how can I not see it!?

“Kian?” I ask hesitantly.

He gruffs at me, probably saying yes. Oh, moon goddess, I feel so stupid... This is all my boys before me! I run up to Miliano’s wolf and hugs him like there’s no tomorrow. I kiss his snout and hear a low growl behind me; it’s Kian, and I walk up to him to do the same. All of them get a kiss and rubbing on the head; both Kian and Miliano growl when I give the other four males attention, which I think is funny. When they all are in their wolf forms, they feel like dogs. I sit down on the ground and lean against the tree behind me.

“Who’s my good boys?” I coo.

Both Miliano and Kian lay down on each side of me. Their big heads in my lap; I laugh at them and rub their ears. They’re almost purring like kittens. Not one of them shifts back; they probably understand that I’m not ready to talk yet. I need this time with them to be a one-way conversation. I see my brothers talking to each other.

“Hey! No talking about me when I can’t hear it, got it?” I say to them with a grimace, making both of them utter sad noises before they hang their heads down in shame. “Good boys.”

They give me a warning look, but I just laugh as a response. All my boys are with me, and it feels so good. I have so many questions to ask, but I don’t dare to ask them yet; I know that this time here and now is what I need right now—my friends, brothers, and mates. Miliano and Kian are lapdogs in their wolf forms. They refuse to move and make noises when I stop petting them.

I’m half sleeping when I hear it inside my mind.

Aleida, where are you? Come out, come out where ever you are, the voice says in a singsong voice that I know all too well.

Jonathan, I answer, angry.

All the wolves look at me; I can feel it but can’t break the contact with my former alpha.

Where are you, Aleida? You’re coming back here.

“No, I’m not,” I say out loud; he laughs in response.

Oh dear little Aleida, I heard you when you said that. I’m so close to getting you back. Do you want to play catch? I’m coming for you!

The mindlink cuts off, I fly up and run with everything I have. My boys are running beside and behind me. When they all are inside the house, I lock all the doors and windows before running up to the bedroom, hiding under my bed to pray for a miracle. I hear running in the staircase and someone trying to open the door.

“Aleida? Aleida, please answer me. What happened?”

I cry loudly, and my whole body is shaking, terrified about what Jonathan will do. Someone kicks the door open, and I’m trying to keep my hand over my mouth to shut myself up. Someone drags me away from under the bed, and I begin to freak out completely. I punch, kick, and scream.

“Hey, hey... Aleida, look at me!” The voice makes me look at him; my beautiful Kian holds me close, and I begin sobbing even harder. “Shh, breath, lepa, just breath.”

Everyone is inside the room and looks at me, worried. I calm down after a while, and just a few tears fall now.

“Please, lepa, tell me what happened; you scared the shit out of us.”

“Alpha,” I whisper.

“What?”

“My alpha... He’s here.”

Everything is quiet for a minute.

“What does he want?” Kian asks, and I close my eyes before breathing out.

“He wants to take me back.”

“Over my dead body!” Miliano scream.

I can arrange that.

“No, no, no, please stop,” I say to the voice in my head, and he chuckles.

Oh please, little girl, I will get you back, one way or another. They can’t protect you forever; they will leave you, just like everyone else. You are a disgusting creature that doesn’t deserve to walk this earth. I thought you learned that when you lost the alpha fight.

Wait, did that fight happen for real?

“I lost the fight for the alpha position becuase others interfered; you cheated, you motherfucker!” I scream, and I don’t know where this anger comes from.

Watch your mouth bitch. I will be coming for you very soon, just you wait...

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