Aliens Moved My Cheese
Chapter 6: Tree Huggers from Outer Space

I find the entire concept of aliens not introducing themselves based on our ecological shortcomings at best laughable. Yes we humans are exceedingly good at fouling our own nest by polluting our planet. We have poisoned our water, pumped ozone depleting chemicals into out atmosphere and dumped non-biodegradable refuse just about everywhere. A visiting alien would probably on first inspection liken us to a lesser terrestrial earth creature the pig; by virtue of the fact we have a tendency to wallow in our own filth. That is a fact I’m not disputing. That does not however mean that a visiting alien would turn their noses up to us as potential allies or galactic partners if you will based solely on the fact we live like hogs without any regard for our own environment. We have never had any recorded contact with aliens or meetings with them to discuss their take on the subject as far as we know anyway . It’s an awfully big stretch to assume that aliens who may or may not be actually visiting us are the galactic version of Greenpeace. Now we can assume that an alien species capable of intergalactic flight is far more advanced than us technologically. Let’s consider that a given. It’s the quantum leap of assuming that advanced technology automatically translates to greater ecological wisdom that has me shaking my head . The more advanced we humans have become technologically; the greater the amount of polluting we have done. Now that’s not to say an alien species developed their systems along similar lines as we did. For all I know they might be tree huggers from outer space. The point is we just don’t know what they think on the subject.

In order to give the concept of tree huggers from outer space more validity, we need to know what their actual purpose in visiting Earth is and if they are doing so at all. Think about this from a human perspective. Why would we travel into deep space searching out alien life forms for me to have sex with? Really think about it for a second. We have limited natural resources. We do not have an endless supply of stuff to continuously feed our growing population and economic systems. One day our finite supplies might run out if we last that long as a species. The obvious long term goal of galactic exploration would be to grab up resources from outside our closed and finite system to feed economic prosperity. The Trekkies amongst us might want to argue that point and present the argument that we would hurl ourselves out into the galaxy simply in search of knowledge and in the spirit of exploration. My answer to them is that the exploration of our own planet was not fueled by dreams of exploring the unknown. It was fueled by economic necessity and competition between rival nations in search of dwindling natural resources. Sure you had explorers that lived purely for the thrill of discovering new lands but the guys funding those missions of exploration had anything but altruistic motives for supporting such missions. I think it’s far more likely that aliens would visit us because they have fucked up their planet in much the same manner as we have and they are looking for a rich new source of natural resources. We might be nothing more than a speculative source of commodities to these fuckers. For fucks sake, the aliens might be militant capitalists or even worse the alien version of the cock sucking Libertarians or Republican Teabagger fucktards!

Ok just for arguments sake let’s say the alien visitors are here just to check us out without ulterior motives that involve the economic rape of our planet. It’s a serious freakin’ stretch but I’m willing to entertain that notion. If these explorers with altruistic motivations came to our planet and saw the mess we made of things that would be a prime motivator for them to help us fix things ecologically with their obviously superior technology. What they wouldn’t do is sit back and watch us kill ourselves off with a series of pollution related ecological disasters. It wouldn’t be a legitimate reason for non-interference; it would be a certain justification for stepping in to help a brother out. That is why in my opinion alleged visiting aliens would not justify non-interference due to our irresponsible polluting of our own world. It simply does not make any sort of logical sense to do so, regardless of what their actual motivations are for visiting in the first place.

A tree hugger alien or otherwise tries to fight for the betterment of the world through ecological conservation or in the case of the aliens the galaxy. I just can’t see an alien version of Greenpeace or the Sierra Club sitting back and doing nothing as the world burns.

Now that being said what do you think the motivation for not contacting us might be because I fail to see the logic of non-interference on the part of tree hugging alien visitors? I can think of a couple of plausible scenarios right off the top of my head. Humans are an exceedingly violent and tribalistic group of S.O.B’s. We fight amongst each other, due only to a lack of an alien species to fight against. A lot of this has to do with our geographical separation through ought our history as a sentient race. I think any group of aliens visiting might think twice about lending us their advanced technology to better our planet, out of pure fear of what we might do with that technological leap. We might become more powerful than they are and go looking for a piece of their action. That shit makes sense to me in a “Godfather Parts 1-3” sort of way. If the supposed aliens are non-violent or even just far less hostile than we are (which is more than likely), that would have to be a very serious consideration for them. Now let’s say an alien’s primary motivation is to check us out to see if we are a good candidate for some sort of galactic version of the European Union (E.U.). Why would our ecological fuck ups even be a consideration in that decision making process? If you want us to join you for whatever reason, why hide out and engage in insane practices like anal probing and cattle slaughtering? Why not just introduce yourselves and state your non-aggressive agenda? It would save a whole lot of time and alien enemas don’t you think?

I think the whole concept of tree hugger aliens is a case of psychological projection on the part of left wing human tree huggers, who desperately want the aliens to be just like them. If that includes the aliens having long armpit hair and questionable hygiene, you can count me out. I consider myself an ecologically conscious dude from the word go. I’m a member of the Pennsylvania Chapter of the Sierra Club. I have donated money to Greenpeace and I try my best not to be a polluter contributing to the ecological disaster that is the planet earth. I study the global warming trends through scholarly journals and magazines like Scientific American. It’s not like I’m a global warming denier, who wants to reduce regulations on polluters. That would make me a Republican and I’d rather be anally probed by aliens than be that. I support many tree hugger causes but I can’t for the life of me bring myself to associate a primary alien motivation for not introducing themselves with earthly pollution. If and when alien visitors see fit to step out of the shadows and say hi to humans, then we can get a clearer picture of why they have not done so earlier. I talked it over with my bookie and I have a standing $20.00 bet that pollution is not the reason aliens won’t talk to us. He went so far as to give me 3-1 odds. Perhaps Vincenzio knows something the rest of us don’t. I always had him pegged as a Reptillian.

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