Rivers of blood and sand
Chapter 32

All I could do was gape at Ander. For some reason, I just always assumed he was an only child. He never mentioned having a sister. Not that he ever shared personal details about his life, especially when it came to his life before living in the Convergence point. What really caught me off guard, was that the others never mentioned her.

At some point I came to a stop, my feet rooted in place, refusing to move. No matter how hard I thought about it, I was unable to understand why I was just now hearing about her, or why he was bringing her up now.

Ander glanced at me over his shoulder, noting my shock and confusion, all the while not giving away any of his thoughts. He turned around and leaned back against a towering stone pillar, his eyes never leaving my face. “Larissa.”

I scrunched my eyebrows together as I struggled to keep up with him, while I tried going back through my memories to see if I was wrong and he hinted at not being an only child. “Her name,” he clarified at my confused look.

“You don’t talk about her,” I finally whispered when I came up blank on any mention of her name. His clenched jaw was the only sign of emotion from him as he nodded. He spun his ring around his finger, an action I’d seen him do on multiple occasions.

“She was born three years after me and shined as bright as the sun. She was a ball of radiant energy and almost everyone that met her wanted to be closer to her. Growing up I’d never met anyone who didn’t like her, until one day I did.”

He was speaking about her in the past tense and I knew only one reason someone would do that, and it was something I’d been considering before he spoke. I just hadn’t wanted to believe it was true. “You don’t have to tell me this,” I whispered when he hadn’t said anything for a while.

His gaze was unreadable as it held mine and I couldn’t bring myself to look away. “You need to hear this.”

I didn’t say anything else. My only response was a nod, letting him know I’d listen and wouldn’t interrupt.

His movements were agitated as he twisted his ring and looked off to the side. “When I was twenty I met a woman named Scarlet. She was an alluring woman who knew how to get someone’s attention and hold it. She did it to me, even had me convinced we were mates. Fated mates.” He paused, shooting me a knowing look.

My heart rate picked up, while a burst of anger came from my dragon at his words. She was already possessive as hell of Ander and that felt like a bad sign for me. While I’d been trying to hold back from him to keep my sanity intact, she hadn’t.

Ander paused his ring spinning to rake his hands through his hair, his arm muscles flexing with the movements. If I hadn’t been waiting on pins and needles to hear the rest of the story, I would’ve been distracted by this. “When you’re young, you don’t understand love or matings. You think what you feel for someone is the peak of love. That what you feel is what everyone always talks about when they speak of all the all-encompassing emotions of the fated mate bond. They tell you that you’ll know it when you feel it and will understand what it means. But when you’re young, you don’t realize that love and the bond are different from infatuation or attraction.

“I don’t know if she believed we were mates, or if it was a lie she created in order to manipulate me. Honestly, I don’t care either way. Scarlet was the worst kind of Mythic and only cared about herself, but I was too blind to see it at the time. I only saw what she wanted me to see. I didn’t see how cruel she was, or calculated. Nor did I see how she was jealous of my sister. Not until it was too late.”

I had to swallow down a burst of emotion that was pure and soul-shattering devastation. The sudden burst of emotion stole my breath, making it hard for me to suck in breaths, and had me wanting to claw at my throat as guilt and rage swirled together. It wasn’t until I met Ander’s gaze, his eyes churning with those very emotions, that I realized these weren’t my emotions.

They were his.

If I weren’t feeling them flooding my body, I wouldn’t have known he was feeling all of this. Was it always like this every time his face was impassive as it was now? I shouldn’t have been surprised he had emotions. I mean, obviously, everyone had them, but I guess I never thought of the depths at which he felt them. They were so complex and all-encompassing, that I couldn’t understand how he felt all of them and remained standing. I was nearly hunched over as I wrapped my arms around my middle.

He must’ve realized he was telegraphing all he felt, probably from how badly I was handling them, and the stream of emotions stopped. Even though I no longer felt them, I now knew they were there. It reinforced just how little I knew about Ander.

“She didn’t like how Larissa came first in my life. That I would choose my sister over her in a heartbeat. Looking back on everything now, that should’ve been one of the big indications things weren’t as they appeared to be, but I was stupid. I figured my family would always be the most important part of my life and no bond would ever change that. I’d heard how in fated mate couples, their mate’s safety became one of their number one concerns. I should’ve known Scarlet wasn’t the one for me, when I’d choose others over her.

“One day, Scarlet was tired of coming in second place and came up with a plan to change that. She made sure I was distracted, leaving my sister alone. I’d noticed something off with her earlier in the day, and that had me seeking her out. Only I didn’t get there in time. When I arrived, my sister was already dead.”

A hint of his emotions seeped through the bond and nearly knocked me back into the pillar behind me until he cut off the stream. I gaped at him, trying to once again figure out how he felt all these emotions and still held himself together. He swallowed hard, and besides that and his clenched jaw, he hid the storm fairly well.

“Scarlet was still there, trying to set a scene to take the blame off herself. She hadn’t expected me to put the pieces together, thinking her hold on me was ironclad.” A dark expression shadowed his face, and a muscle thrummed in his jaw. “She tried to lie, to manipulate me, but I saw through her lies. Once my eyes were opened, I saw her for who she was and I was disgusted. With both her and myself for being so weak. For allowing myself to be so easily manipulated.

“I did what I should’ve done the moment I laid eyes on her. I killed her. I would’ve saved myself and countless others a hell of a lot of trouble by doing so earlier, but at least I prevented her from bringing more chaos and destruction to others.”

The random puzzle pieces from the past couple of days were now beginning to fit together, forming a somewhat cohesive picture. “The woman who attacked me was Scarlet’s mother.” Ander had known right away who it was.

Ander’s full lips were pressed in a tight line as he nodded. “That would be Ruby, Apparently she’s just now decided to get her revenge. Harmony overheard her in town looking for me, so she came to the Aurora Court to warn me.”

His reluctance to tell me why Harmony was there now made so much sense. It would’ve been impossible to do so without telling me the full story, and that wasn’t something he was ready to do at the time. I couldn’t blame him, this whole situation was fucked up. If his torrential wave of emotions were any indication, he still blamed himself for his sister’s death. No matter what I said or did would change that.

“And the place from your past—the one haunted by memories—it’s where she died isn’t it?” My words were soft as I reached up to play with my necklace, only to remember I no longer had it. The necklace was stolen months ago, and yet I still found myself reaching for it every once in a while.

“It was in the temple of Solaris.”

My eyes widened as I made a sound of surprise. Killing someone in a deity’s temple was a bold move. One that spoke of a lack of respect for the perspective deity. It said they didn’t believe they existed, or they didn’t care about enraging them and desecrating their temple. They didn’t fear punishment from them. Ander may have killed her in the temple as well, but his kill was reactionary. He didn’t plot to kill her there.

While I didn’t believe in the blasphemy of it all, or that the deities truly care about the temples or statues, I did believe they existed at one point. Their marks were all around our realm, and the paintings of their realm were too lifelike to not be real.

“I wasn’t able to step foot in that temple for a long time. Not until eight years later when two summoner sisters got bored at a ball. I heard from one of the other guards that they snuck off and someone had followed them. I knew the direction they were headed and I had this sick feeling about it all. My opinion of the temple was tainted and while I knew nothing about the blood mage or his intentions, I couldn’t let this go. Good thing too, since when I entered the temple, he was attacking them.”

I gasped, covering my mouth. I hadn’t known how they met, but this wasn’t how I imagined it.

“I somehow managed not to kill him, but I did make sure he wouldn’t attempt to force himself on another young girl ever again.” I didn’t ask what he meant by that, his dark expression telling me everything I needed to know.

Ander took a deep breath, dragging his hands down his face. “After Larissa’s death, I closed myself off. From my family, friends, and romantic relationships. I still found physical pleasure, but that’s all it was and would ever be. I didn’t trust others, or myself. But then that damn ball came around. The one with the farce of an engagement.” He glanced up at me, checking to see if I knew what he was talking about.

“When Cyrus tried to pull some bullshit?” I asked, remembering when I heard about that and knew something about the whole situation didn’t feel right. It didn’t make sense for Mistress Janara’s daughter to suddenly have fallen madly in love with Cyrus’s nephew.

Alpha Cyrus was a big reason why so many of us were wary of jaguar summoners.

Ander nodded, his expression shifting. A hint of light appeared in his eyes that had been previously shadowed by grief and guilt. “I was on guard during the ball. My job was to make sure only those invited were allowed in. While I was doing my duty, I saw Jade and Ari. They were these young and innocent girls. Ari was around the same age my sister was when she died, and even though they looked nothing like my sister, they reminded me of her. They held the same innocence as her, while also maintaining this inner fire and light.

“The amazement on their faces when they watched me cast for the first time reminded me of my sister when she experienced a new wonder. So when I heard about the possible danger to them, I didn’t think, I just reacted.” He shook his head, a small smile lifting his lips as he looked up. “I never thought keeping them out of trouble would become a full-time job. They kept coming back with their parents during celebrations, and each time they would come up with new and inventive ways of sneaking out. It was actually quite impressive.

“They were these little chatterboxes, rambling at me each time I dragged them back. It was almost like they made it their life’s mission to make my job that much more difficult, and to get me to talk to them.” Ander chuckled, dropping his head back against the pillar. “I tried not to respond or get attached, but those two refused to give up. Somehow they made me care again, and gave me a second chance not to make the same mistakes as the past.”

My stomach was in knots from everything I learned and the clear implication in his voice. He wasn’t bringing up this story for small talk or as a way to get to know each other better. There was a reason he wanted me to know about the last time he fell in love and thought he had met his fated mate. I knew why he was bringing this up. Just as I knew what his next words would be. Even though I knew they were coming, it still crushed me to hear them.

“Years ago, I made a promise to myself. I would never allow myself to become distracted like that again. Not when I had two, and eventually three, little sisters to keep safe. I promised myself I would never take on a mate. I would never give someone that kind of power over me ever again.”

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