Queen of Death
Chapter 18

Slow Hands - Niall Horan

I just wanna take my time

We could do this, baby, all night

’Cause I want you bad

Yeah, I want you, baby

I already know that there ain’t no stoppin’

Your plans and those

Slow hands

— — — — —

Solana

I’m fighting against my instinctual self-preservation to let down the walls I’ve built to block my heart and mind from being weaponized against me.

If that’s what it takes to get through to him then it’s a small price to pay.

With all the tenderness I can muster, I wash away the blood, dirt, and sweat that clings to his broad chest like a second skin. The smaller cuts and scrapes are already healing, and the larger ones look less inflamed and angry.

I run the washcloth down his arms from shoulders to fingertips with equal care. I add another dollop of soap to the cloth before working on his neck and face.

The muscles in his neck are tense and strained the whole time I’m washing him, like he’s in agony. “Am I hurting you?” I ask softly, any louder would sound like a scream in the quiet of the bathroom.

“No,” he shakes his head no but the grimace marring his face contradicts what he’s saying. “You’re killing me.”

My arms fall limply to my sides. I don’t want to hurt him. I didn’t realize he was in pain, why didn’t he stop me earlier?

His chest heaves with a dozen heavy breaths, like he’s trying to talk himself through a panic attack. “Please go.”

He refuses to look me in the eye, pinching his eyes shut tight. “I will, but first you need to tell me why.”

His teeth are grinding against each other so hard I can hear them cracking under the pressure just like the edge of the tub where he’s gripping it so tightly that his knuckles are white-hot.

I poke a finger at the center of his chest and bring my face in front of his, following him as he swivels from side to side to avoid facing me dead on. “I don’t have your gift, Dean. I can’t just know what people are thinking and feeling. So it’s pretty fucking hypocritical of you to ask me to let down my walls while you get to keep shutting me out. Tell. Me. Why.”

“Because it’s all I have to offer,” he roars. “If I’m not taking care of them then I have no purpose at all. I’m not a weapon-smith like Hunter, I’m not a hacker like Tate, I can’t mindlink and connect to Ace’s wolf like Eli can. I’m absolutely fucking useless, and as soon as they realize it they’ll drop me like a sack of stones.

“After our mom left, Tate needed me. It wasn’t easy by any means but it felt good to be important to someone since we obviously weren’t to her. Then we met Ace, and Tate didn’t need me as much. As we grew to include Eli and Hunter I realized how little I bring to the pack, so I made myself indispensable.”

He laughs sadly to himself and lifts wounded eyes to me at last. “And then you showed up. Miss independent. Miss stubborn, aggravating, intoxicating siren. One by one we’re falling for you like dominoes. One by one they depend more on you and less on me. Soon no one will need me and I’ll be back on my own, abandoned by my pack like I was abandoned by my own mother.”

His warm hand cups my cheek, then he uses his thumb to wipe away the silent tears that are blazing down my face. “I had no idea,” I whisper. “But you should know that the guys have been stressed out the last two days waiting for word on your whereabouts. I may have stepped in and made some meals but I’m a poor substitute for you. You’re the ‘D’ in Death. If anyone is dispensable here, it’s me.”

Tears continue to stream down my face, my heart feels like it’s about to burst out of my chest. It pains me to see him doubt himself like this. If only he had been here to see how much he’s wanted here.

“It’s admirable what you’ve done for Tate when your mom left, it’s admirable how you take care of everyone’s wants and needs and literally keep the peace.” I mirror his positioning, cupping his cheek in my hand before sliding it around to the back of his neck bringing my forehead down to his. “But who’s taking care of you?”

Dean doesn’t say anything. We sit there pressed together, holding on to one another in a stalemate. Neither one of us wants to give in. His chest starts rising and falling more noticeably, his heart rate quickens. Using the hand on the back of his neck I angle his head up just enough to close the less than inch of space between our lips.

As soon as they touch he groans deeply and melts into our kiss. I leave my mind open to him in case he wants to feel me and how much it hurts me to see him killing himself to be everything to everyone and then take nothing for himself.

If he won’t take what he wants or even what he needs, then I’m going to spoon feed it to him.

Without taking my lips off of his I reach back and undo the clasp on my bra, letting it float away behind me in the tub. Now when I lean forward, pressing our chests together, the rough scruff of hair on his chest chafes against my nipples, hardening them to painful points.

I wrap my arms around his neck at the same time he grabs fistfuls of my hips. I open my lips to him, allowing him to deepen the kiss. His tongue sweeps through my mouth hot and wet, greedily exploring me and entangling with my tongue.

He releases a feral groan when I squeeze my thighs around him to get enough leverage to press myself even harder against him. I realize after the second time I do it that my core is grinding against his hardened length over my panties.

When I pull back from him, breaking our kiss, his grip on my hips tightens. His eyes drop quickly down my body, cataloging the swell of my breasts and the curve of my waist. Eyes as black as a winter sky look longingly at me, and yet even now when desire and need are so clearly written on his face they might as well be tattooed on his skin, he still hesitates.

“If I let you in and let you take care of me,” I roll my hips, dragging my soaked core over his steel, “will you let me take care of you in return?”

I tease him again with another roll of my hips and his head drops back with his mouth open. His cock hardens even more and begins to twitch against my clit. I realize he’s close to release so I sit further back on his thighs.

His head snaps down so fast, his hooded eyes swimming with confusion and panic before recognition settles in. “You don’t think I know what you’re doing?” He uses his grip on me to drag me back up and over his length, angling me so my clit takes the brunt of the friction.

I push against his chest back to where I was positioned on his thighs, still close enough to his cock that he can feel my heat but far away enough that I’m not touching him directly. My left hand comes up to fondle my left breast while my right hand moves down to my core, disappearing inside my panties.

I rub two fingers over my clit before dipping one into my slick center. My hand brushes against his balls with every swipe of my hand. He stares at me, watching me with a wanton expression, but doesn’t move to stop me.

“What you know is that I can take care of myself,” I moan with exaggeration as I slip in a second finger, working that sweet spot just inside my walls. “But I’d prefer if you took care of me, and then let me return the favor.”

I pull my hand out of my panties and paint his lips with my arousal. He captures my fingers in his mouth and sucks my sweetness clean off, groaning lewdly. He bucks his hips so I fall forward onto his chest and then he pins me against him and kisses me like a man possessed. Like a man taking what he wants and what he needs for once.

“Okay, deal. You let me take care of you without complaint —”

“And you let me give you what you need.” I grind down on his cock, edging him again, and he cries out in need of release.

“Right now I’d agree to just about anything if it meant you finally sat on my dick.” He loops his fingers into the fabric of my panties at my hips and pulls. The fabric cuts into my skin, pulling tightly up against my pussy. Just when I think I can’t take anymore pressure the fabric gives and shreds apart.

“I’ll do it, baby. I promise. Please, Solana, I need you so fucking bad.”

We throw ourselves at one another, the slapping of wet skin echoing around us. I wrap a hand around his cock and guide him to my entrance. I don’t let him slam into me, because I know that’s not what he needs. He loves the tease, he loves the torture.

Slowly, painfully slowly, I inch myself down his length. He’s panting so hard he’s practically hyperventilating by the time he’s fully seated inside me. I constrict the muscles in my core, gripping him like a vice and he stops breathing as he writhes beneath me.

I put my hands on his shoulders to steady myself and then lift up to his tip and slam back down again. Water sloshes out of the tub but neither of us care. Each time I impale myself on him he groans louder to the rhythm of my fucking. The water is boiling, the room is filled with steam, but nothing is hotter than the fire that sparks wherever his skin touches mine.

My mental walls remain down for him and I’m rewarded when my pleasure and reverence for this moment is reflected in Dean’s powerful, gray eyes. They cloud over, hidden beneath heavy lids every time he’s on the precipice of release. At that exact moment I halt my movements and watch in wonder as his body tantrums at the denial of a promising orgasm.

I tease him and edge him like this several times. The time between each shortens as he reaches a point of no return.

“You’re killing me, baby,” he growls. His hands grip my waist so tightly, holding me in his lap, I’ll have finger shaped bruises by the end.

He leans into me and steals another kiss from me, begging me with his tongue to finally send him over the edge. Our kiss continues as I bounce in his lap, impaling myself on his cock with quickening speed.

After a matter of minutes, his abdomen clenches tightly and his whole body goes taut as I feel his cock pulsing inside me filling me with his release. I ride him through his orgasm and just as he’s coming down I follow him into ecstasy with an explosive release that shatters me into a million tiny pieces.

He kisses me tenderly as I ride out my own orgasm, he holds me securely as I shudder from the aftershocks. I collapse on his chest, my body fitting perfectly against his. I rise and fall with every one of his breaths, and when they even out I know he’s succumbed to his exhaustion. Shifting a little, I nestle against him and join him in sleep.

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