I will be back
8. Trying to cope

Aleida’s POV

“You know that this was a dangerous and stupid thing to do, right? Not telling anyone, not even us, your brothers,” Nathan says sternly.

I respond coldly with a shrug; I don’t need to hear these things; I know what I have done.

“If you don’t do stupid things when you’re young, you’ll have nothing to laugh about when you’re old,” I reply.

“Don’t sass me, Aleida! I’m still your older brother; respect your elders!” Nathan growls.

“I do respect my elders when they actually tell me something useful and new that I don’t already know,” I answer, while he just looks at me with his mouth open, so does the rest.

“How dare you speak to your own family in that way?” Nathan asks, and I’m beginning to get pissed; I’ve felt like shit since I left; I don’t need a scolding too.

“How dare you to speak like that to another alpha in their territory?” I ask calmly with an eyebrow raised. “If I didn’t know better, I would think that you were challenging me, brother. If you want, we can take this outside.”

My temper is short nowadays. I don’t want to fight with my brother, even though we all know that he won’t win; I know everything I’ve done hurt them, I’m very well aware of that. That doesn’t mean that I’m not hurting as they are.

“What happened to you, Aleida? What happened to my sweet little sister? Don’t you understand that you hurt us all? We all sacrificed a lot of resources to find you,” Nathan continues.

“What happened!?” I ask, mad and screaming. “I was forced to leave you all fucking behind to ensure that no one else would die. I had to take three times the rejection, endure Jonathan’s torture, run a whole pack through the city without being spotted, run through uncharted lands, get them here safe, carrying two pups, start building our new home, make my company successful and give birth to my boys. I wanted to end my life so many goddamn times that I’ve lost count; I’ve lived through over twenty rouge attacks since we’ve been here, and I’ve been in the front lines every fucking time. The last attack was about to take my pups, and I prepared; once again, I prepared to die; to save them. Instead, I survived, and Clare died. So don’t you dare come and talk about sacrifices with me!” I growl so loud that the windows shake.

My chest heaves, and my fist clenches; I prepare to kill; that’s how angry I am- until the emptiness and sadness overtake me. The tears are trailing down my cheeks.

“And do you know what’s worst of all? You all could have stopped this before it began,” I say, moving towards the door and open it, looking back one last time. “If you only had believed me.”

I run up the stairs, a sudden need to be with my boys arises in me. They’re asleep; that doesn’t stop me from picking them up carefully and put them on the bed with me in between. I cry for the first time since I left Jonathan’s pack, except for when Clare died. All my nightmares are coming true after all; my family doesn’t believe that I, too, am hurting. My brother can’t see what I’ve accomplished; he only sees the betrayal. I’m sobbing so hard that I shake. If my boys weren’t sleeping, I would scream out all the pain. I suppose that I shake a little too much though, two pairs of eyes open up and look at me. They’re about to cry, and I hug them close.

“It’s okay; mommy’s okay. Everything’s okay,” I say with a broken voice, rocking back and forth, not sure whom I’m trying to convince, myself or my puppies.

“No, you’re not,” Kian says.

I look up through teary eyes and meet my mate’s face. He sees my pain, even if he can’t feel it; he’s here to take my boys away from me...

“You’re going to take them away from me, aren’t you?” I ask quietly, with tears streaming down my face.

Kian approaches me and looks really sad. He sits down on the bed beside me and puts his arms around me.

“We would never force you to give up your pups, Aleida. You brought them into this world, and you did it all by yourself. We may not know how we’re supposed to fix things, but this is a start. Me telling you that we never will take them away from you against your will,” he says and kisses my forehead.

I sob into his shoulder, and he rocks me while my boys are playing with my hair. We sit there until my sobs turn into sniffs. I look up when a soft knock comes from the door. Miliano comes into the room looking worried.

“I thought I would find you here. How are you?” Miliano asks softly.

“Just peachy,” I answer sarcastically; he sits down on the other side of me and puts his arms around me also.

“You never told us their names,” Miliano says, and I smile down at my boys.

“That’s Alexander,” I say and point at the little pup, who looks precisely like Kian. “And that’s Elias.”

“They’re beautiful names for two beautiful little boys,” Kian whispers.

“I was furious, though,” I say and rise from the bed; one of them needs a diaper change.

“What? Why?” Miliano wonders.

“I have enough men in my life; I wanted girls,” I answer while lifting Elias to sniff his diaper.

It isn’t him, fuck... Alexander’s diapers are a war zone every time. I sigh and put Elias in his father’s lap while walking to the changing table.

“Oh, sweet mother of the goddess, how can you turn breast milk into that!?” I exclaim to my little pup, who has a superior mess in his diaper; he laughs at me. “You’re doing this on purpose, aren’t you?”

He continues to giggle, and I sigh. I love Alexander more than anything else, but it truly is horrible to change his diapers.

“You, mister, aren’t allowed to date until you’re twenty-one now, just so you know,” I tell my son in a stern tone, my mates chuckle behind me, and I turn around. “What?”

“It’s just funny that you scold him already; it can’t be that bad,” Kian says, laughing.

“Oh, it can’t? Then, by all means, clean your son’s disgusting mess,” I say and fold my arms over my chest.

He doesn’t hesitate but soon makes a ‘vomit-face’ when he sees and smells it.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought,” I say smugly and smirk at him; I shouldn’t be smug so fast, though, before I can even react, Alexander’s peeing on me. “Hey, that’s no way to treat your mother!”

My mates laugh again at me; Kian even has tears streaming down his face from the laughter. I mindlink one of the omegas, asking them to bring me the clean baby clothes from the laundry. While waiting, I change his diaper and wipe him clean; he giggles all the time at me. I blow raspberries on his stomach, making a fart noise, which makes him laugh even more; Elias joins in.

“You are a disgusting little monster, mister. But dear goddess, don’t I love you,” I say lovingly and kiss his forehead before putting him back in his dad’s lap.

“Now you take him. I’ve been dealing with this bullshit for over two months now. It’s always one of them who’s either peeing or vomiting on me. I can’t even remember when I could shower in peace,” I exclaim and put my tired head in my hands.

“Hey, we can watch them, you know,” Miliano says, and my head flies up.

“Oh, thank god! Watch out for Alexander falling off the bed; he loves to climb furniture. Oh! And Elias eats everything he finds. Five, no, ten minutes tops!”

I run into the shower, happy to have the chance to shower in peace for once.

When I get back to the bedroom, both of my mates struggle to put the onesie on Alexander, who’s giggling like crazy.

“God damn it, he’s just as stubborn as you are!” Miliano exclaims.

“Hey, shut it!” Kian growls. I growl back, and they both look at me.

“Kids in the room, language,” I say while picking up my son and the onesie from the bed; it’s inside out, and it only takes me about a minute to get him clothed.

“How do you do this all the time?! You know everything!” Miliano exclaims.

“I’ve been taking care of them for some time now, remember?” I ask with a smile.

“Can-can you teach us these things? Like... I don’t know how to change a diaper and stuff like that?” Miliano asks shyly, which makes me chuckle.

“Yeah, I don’t think I have much of a choice. Besides, it would be best if you learned what our pups like and don’t like,” I answer.

“Can you tell us about Alexander?” Kian asks, and I put the boys on the bed with their daddies before sitting down in one of the armchairs.

“Well... Alexander is hopeless to put clothes on and creates a warzone every time he does his business in the diaper; there’s no exception for that whatsoever. He isn’t very fond of fish; he prefers my boobs more than anything. Typical male,” I say and smirk at the last part.

“Who doesn’t prefer those babies?” Kian asks while looking at my boobs, which earns him a slap on the arm.

“Elias is allergic to strawberries but loves them a lot. He’s a heavy sleeper and does that a lot. When he’s not sleeping, he’s eating before repeating the circle. I don’t know what more to say right now. Oh, except that they’re truly two mama’s boys,” I say, smirking.

The boys yawn, and I put them back in their cribs. They didn’t get to sleep for the two hours I said they could. I sing “amazing grace,” just like my mother did to me when I was a child. They rub their little eyes before closing them. When I’m sure that they’re sleeping, I indicate that my mates should follow out the door. I close the door quietly and breathe out when we reach the stairs.

“We need to get back to the meeting,” I say with my alpha voice.

I’m not particularly eager to pretend as nothing has happened, but I can’t cope otherwise. We all walk into the meeting room; everyone is seated. I don’t sit down this time.

“I’m not going to beg you. Those who want to help us can do that, and in return, I will train your warriors myself,” I say, and everyone raises their hands without hesitating. “I’m really touched that all of you want to help, but I can’t train that many at the same time.”

“Who is going to take care of the boys when you go away?” Paul asks.

“Their daddies are,” I answer.

“And who are they?” Peter asks.

“We are,” Kian answers before standing up from his chair in unison with Miliano; both are looking like the intimidating alphas they are.

“So the rumors are true; you do have mates,” Clark mumbles.

“They used to be my mates,” I answer and feel a slight pain from the memory.

“But not anymore?” Peter asks with slight enthusiasm.

“No, not anymore,” I answer, and I’m annoyed that he makes it sound like something good.

“And why is that?” Paul asks.

“I had to reject them to protect them, my brothers, friends, and pack. The side effect was that I took all the pain. And I would do it all again to protect my family,” I answer truthfully.

“Why did you reject them?” Clark asks.

“Jonathan made me. I had no choice,” I reply and wonder how many more questions I need to answer.

“Jonathan as in alpha Jonathan of the Rose moon pack?” Paul asks with dilated eyes.

“Yeah, he used to be my alpha,” I answer, and they all look confused.

“How did you end up over there?” Paul continues, understandingly curious.

“I was born there.”

“What? Who’s child are you?” Peter asks, and I breathe in; the truth must get out now.

“My parents aren’t alive anymore.”

“Who were they?” Paul asks.

“Alpha Romeo and luna Clara Mendez.”

Everyone gasp, since every last one of them, knew my parents; they’re legendary throughout the whole world. My dad for his strength and justice. My mother for her beauty and passion for her pack. They were the power couple of their time.

“You-you really are a royal.”

“Yes,” I reply, and they immediately bow their heads in submission—even my mates and brothers.

“If I may be so bold, where are you going when you’re leaving?” Paul asks with slight fright.

“To finish what I started,” I explain with a smirk.

“And what is that?” Clark asks with suspicion in his voice, and I give him an evil and sinister smile.

“To kill the Rose moon pack’s alpha and reclaim what is mine.”

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