Celestials
Chapter 19

“And that’s what I’ve been doing ever since,” he told me. “Just trying to be forgiven.”

“You have nothing to be forgiven for. Except maybe caring too much,” I added.

Jude shifted and looked down at me. “You don’t understand.”

“No,” I cut him off and wound my arms around his neck. “I understand completely. You just don’t see. There was nothing anyone ever had to forgive you for because you never did anything wrong. Did it ever cross your mind that everything played out exactly as it was supposed to?”

Jude huffed out annoyed breath. “If everything worked out the way it was supposed to then why has Jesus been missing since he was crucified? Something happened. Something that both the angelus and evertos think I have something to do with.”

“Jude, you have to forgive yourself and trust that Jesus did whatever he did and went wherever he went because he had good reason too. Did it ever cross your mind that Jesus meant you could never repair the sorrow in your heart because you were never going to forgive yourself? It seems to me, he forgave you.” I paused and chuckled to myself at this conversation. It was completely surreal. “It’s weird to talk about Jesus like he’s one of your old high school buddies.”

I heard Jude chuckle lightly. “I guess it’s similar to that. I know people and history has built him…both of us up over the years to be these big mythical illusions. But we were just human. People with feelings, guilt, confusion….love – just like everyone else.”

“I know. It doesn’t make it any less surreal,” I shrugged. “And nothing you told me has changed my decision. I still choose you.”

Jude shook his head like a petulant child. I stopped it gently with a hand to his cheek and gently stroked his bottom lip. He sucked in a breath and I knew he wanted this just as much as I did. I moved my lips so they covered his. Jude moved his head back, but I held it in place with my hand. Finally, he gave in and kissed me back.

“This doesn’t…mean…we’re doing…this,” he said in between kisses. I nodded while kissing him back, wrapping my arms around his neck. I tried to pull him closer but he wouldn’t budge. Instead of fighting him, I just gave in to what I was feeling. Moving my lips down his jaw line, I kissed a trail to his ear. Jude threaded one hand into my hair and then made contact with the skin just inside my t-shirt. His simple touch was heating my body up. Already the pain was lessening. Instead, need was replacing it.

I licked his earlobe and then nipped it between my teeth. To my satisfaction, Jude let out a growl and moved his lips to my neck. He left a hot trail of kisses up my neck and took my earlobe between his teeth. Need pooled between my legs, as my hands reached under his t-shirt. They moved over the muscles of his abdomen and I felt Jude shudder at my touch. I pulled at his t-shirt. I need to feel his warm skin against me.

When Jude’s head was out of his shirt, he looked at me.

“Don’t say it,” I told him, grabbing the hem of my own t-shirt. “Please. Don’t say it.”

“Rory, we-“

“Need to do this,” I finished for him, wincing as I tried to take my own t-shirt off. I looked into his eyes, pleading. “Please.”

He planted a quick kiss on my lips that left me wanting more. Gently, he took the hem of my t-shirt and lifted it over my head. When it was discarded on the floor somewhere along with his, Jude stared down at me.

“You’re beautiful,” he told me.

I laughed lightly. “I’m covered in bloody bandages and you can barely see me.”

Slowly, he placed his hand on my hip and moved it up over my gauze covered torso. Even through the bandages, he left a trail of heat. He stopped at my chest, his thumb brushing over my breast. How he managed to find my nipple under all of the bandages I’ll never know. But it responded to his touch right away, tightening with need.

“It’s all of this – what you’ve been through, what you’ve sacrificed, what you’ve become – that makes you beautiful.” Gently, he kissed me on the lips, his thumb on my nipple driving me crazy. And then he stood up.

Jude quickly removed his jeans and boxers and slowly moved back towards me. He was stunning – the most incredible male body I had ever laid eyes on. I drank in his long, muscled form and the need so clearly displayed between his legs. Then he was leaning over me, removing my underwear. When that was gone, he stood by my foot.

Leaning down, he kissed a trail from my big toe, up to my knee. His tongue and lips continued to play on the sensitive skin behind my knee and turned my insides to jelly. Slowly, he worked his way up to my thigh and crept higher. I wanted him so badly, I didn’t think I could take any more and he wasn’t even close to my center. His lips sucked while his tongue darted out leaving a trail of heat on my inner thigh. His mouth crept closer to me, skirting around where my need was heaviest. And then a finger darted out, lightly touching my clitoris. I cried out. God, I was going to drown in need.

“Jude,” I called to him, “I need you.”

“Soon.” His tongue was tracing the outer edges of my womanhood. Every once in a while it would dart to the center and rockets of pleasure shot through me.

“I want you inside of me, Jude,” I told him, grasping my hand in his dark hair.

“Soon,” he told me again. He lavished his tongue over me again and my body clenched with pleasure. He smiled up at me, crawling towards me. Suddenly, the heat of his manhood was cradled between my thighs and his mouth was on my nipple.

“Now, Jude,” I urged him.

Helifted his head and latched his mouth onto mine. It was like we were devouring each other. His knee nudged my legs farther apart and I felt the tip of him enter me. I gasped in pleasure. Slowly, so erotically slow, he entered me.

“Faster,” I urged him.

“Shhh,” he whispered, “I don’t want to hurt you.”

When he was completely inside of me, Jude grasped the back of my neck and my side, gently turning us over. I was sitting on top of him.

He was panting with need. I could see the desire and how hard it was to hold back, shining in his eyes. “It will be comfortable for you this way,” he told me.

I nodded, unable to get a word out. Emotion was bubbling out of me. “Jude, I-“

He placed a finger on my lips and smiled. “Not yet. We’re doing it your way, remember?”

I smiled back and lowered my head to kiss him. His hand found my breast and I started moving my hips against him. Jude’s hard length slid in and out of me. The heated friction between us increased and the need built again inside of me. His hands and lips were doing crazy things to my insides and the pleasure increased. I felt like a thousand sunny mornings. Like I was loved and cherished and could do anything.

Jude caught my bottom lip between his teeth and I cried out as pleasure ricocheted through me. I moved my hips faster trying to fall over the edge of this incredible cliff.

“Look at me,” Jude demanded.

I opened my eyes and saw desire shining in his. I was so close to exploding. I moved my hips faster and Jude smiled. Our eyes held as we moved faster and faster against each other. And then I exploded. It was like sunbeams and golden confetti. Love and a dark pair of sexy eyes. Beauty and wanting all rolled into one.

Jude cried out and as we both lay panting, smiling ridiculously, he lifted up my face. His dark eyes locked on mine.

“I love you,” he told me.

I smiled and I kissed him with everything I had left inside of me. Things were growing dark suddenly and I wasn’t sure if this was the end. I couldn’t feel any pain. I couldn’t feel anything.

“I love you, Jude. I always will,” I confessed to him.

Through a dark haze, I thought I could make out his smile.

And then the world went black.

When I opened my eyes again, Jude, Willa, Jerrick, Tanaka, and Marco were standing over me. They were teary eyed and Jude looked like he just lost his best friend. He was dressed again but his shoulders were slumped and he could barely look at me.

Maybe he just didn’t realize I was still here.

Jude! I called out. Nothing came out of my mouth, but Jude’s head lifted a little. He looked around confused.

“What is it?” Willa asked.

Jude shook his head sadly. “I thought I heard her.”

You did! I’m here!

He cocked his head again, listening.

“You couldn’t have, man,” Jerrick told him sadly. “She’s gone.”

Gone? What did they mean gone? Like dead? I wasn’t dead. I was right here. In my body, staring up at them. I wasn’t gone!

“I know. I just…wishful thinking, I guess,” Jude told them sadly.

“Where do you think she is?” Willa asked.

Here! I’m right here! I yelled to them. This time Jude didn’t even look around. I started panicking, but realized none of the usual physical symptoms came with it. My heart wasn’t racing and my breath wasn’t coming in shallow gasps – it wasn’t coming at all. I wasn’t gone. I could hear them. I could see them.

Jude shrugged. “You should all go to the evertos and the angelus. See if she is there.”

Willa put her arm around his shoulder. “She shouldn’t be there. We know that. She chose you and she shouldn’t be in either of them.”

Jude moved out from under her arm and started pacing. “Then where is she? If she is supposed to be with me, then where is she? With all of the other certus their spirits went right to Heaven or Hell. She’s not here, so she has to be there.”

I’m here! I’m here! This was getting ridiculous. I was still here. They just didn’t know it. Was I somehow supposed to separate my spirit from my body? Was I even dead?

“We can go check,” Marco answered him.

Jude nodded and looked down at me. The anguish in his eyes had me trying to reach out and touch him. Of course, nothing moved. “I’ll bury her. And figure out what to send to her father and brother about her…death,” he choked out. Jude literally looked on the verge of tears. His eyes were red rimmed as if he had already been crying, but I couldn’t believe that about him. Jude didn’t cry.

“You should drop her at a medical examiner’s,” Marco told him. “They’ll figure out who she is and contact her father. There will be questions that way, but none that you would have to answer.”

Jude shook his head and his voice cracked with emotion when he spoke. “I can’t. I can’t leave her with someone impersonal. I’ll…I’ll figure out the questions later. I have to take care of her myself.”

Tanaka clapped Jude on the shoulder and nodded. “We’ll go look for her. Let us know if you need help with anything else.”

Jude nodded as they all filed out of the room. When they were gone he took my hand in his. I couldn’t feel it and that unnerved me.

“Where are you?” he whispered. “I can’t believe you’re not here. I can’t believe your plan didn’t work.”

Jude! I’m here! I’m here! I tried yelling to him. But it was like I wasn’t here. What if I trapped myself in my body forever? Was I supposed to spend all of eternity trapped in a dead body?

Jude rubbed his eyes and dropped his head onto my hand. “I feel like I hear you. Angel’s lightning, where are you?” His voice was anguished and I thought I could hear tears in his voice. But Jude never cried.

I hear you! Argh! It was like watching my life through a one way mirror. Or one of those movies on TV, where you’re screaming for a character to do something knowing they won’t hear you.

“I should…shit, this makes it real,” he muttered to himself, walking away. He took a deep breath with his back to me and then turned around. Jude strode over to me and kissed my head. I couldn’t feel it, but I could see him leaning over me. “I love you, Rory. I’ll find you.”

Then he was wrapping a sheet around me. It was strange because although the sheet was thick and wrapped securely around me, I could still see. It was like a sheer curtain was over my face instead of thick sheet. He picked me up and swooshed us out of the safe house.

It was dark outside and I could clearly see the stars overhead. I felt like I hadn’t seen the sky in ages. A cool breeze blew across my face. I couldn’t feel Jude but I could feel the wind? The whole thing was very strange. Instead of worrying, I enjoyed the fact that my body was pain free and night sky was beautiful.

He laid me carefully in the back of a jeep.

We drove for a while. In the dream-like state I was in, I couldn’t tell if it was for a long while or a short while. Soon he was lifting me from the back of the jeep and carrying me in his arms. Everything was quiet around us. The stars blinked in the sky behind Jude’s head and the only noise I could hear was his footsteps.

My eyes caught the stars while he carried me. I couldn’t look away from them. They were pulling at me, but I couldn’t figure out what to do with the feeling. I wanted to disappear inside of them and yet, at the same time, I wanted to stay with Jude. I couldn’t feel his arms carrying me, but I could feel his energy surrounding me. I was tied to him. My place was here with him, I knew that, but the stars were calling me too. Is this what death felt like?

I wasn’t even sure I was dead.

The next thing I knew we were in a cave. Jude had some sort of light he was holding in his hand underneath my shoulders. It was illuminating a dark cavern that Jude was steadily making his way through. His face was stoic and strong, but I could tell he was hurting. I wanted to call to him, to comfort him, but I knew I couldn’t do anything. I was stuck in my stupid, unmoving body. Was this limbo?

After a while, Jude lay me down. The back wall of the cavern was to my left and on my right was a cropping of rock that surrounded my body. It came up to Jude’s mid-thigh. I got an eerie feeling. It was a little too coffin-like for me.

Jude stood over me, staring down at my body. What was he going to do? Was he going to leave me here? Alone?

Panic rose in me again. I wanted to burst out of my body, but I didn’t know how to. I was stuck and freaking out and I was going to be locked in a cavern near Las Vegas for the rest of all eternity and no one but Jude would know I was here except that he didn’t actually know that I was still here, trapped in my body, so I would be alone for all of eternity!

Help! I called to him. I’m still here! Please!

Jude cocked his head again. His fingers raked over his face and then Jude just stared down at me again.

“I’m going insane, Rory. I feel like I can still hear you. I need to know where you are,” he told me.

I’m here! I’m right here! You’re looking at me! Could he actually hear me? Was I getting through to him?

“It’s stupid, I know.” Then he laughed. “It’s stupid that I’m still here talking to you. You can’t hear me. I don’t even know where you are. Satan’s gates, I wish I knew where you were.”

Okay. So maybe he couldn’t hear me exactly.

“I should probably just finish this and leave.” His last word came out choked. He had moved out of my line of vision, so I couldn’t tell what he was getting so upset about. Jude appeared again, a hand reaching out to my head. “I just…can’t leave you. Not until I know you’re alright.” He sighed and it looked like he was wiping something from his face. Was Jude crying? “I should just…finish this.”

He reached next to him and came back with a rock. Gently, he laid it at my feet. Then he had another one that he placed next to it. Why was he putting rocks by my feet? What was he doing?

“I just don’t want any animals to be able to find you,” he told me. His voice was thick with emotion.

How was surrounding me with rocks going to keep animals away? Unless…no. No! He couldn’t be burying me. He couldn’t. I can’t be buried. I can’t! I’ll die! The panic was back full force as Jude kept piling rocks on to me.

No! I yelled with everything inside of me. Oh god, I was being buried alive. I’m still alive! Help me!

The rocks kept coming. By his motions, I could tell my legs had already been buried beneath rocks. He was starting on my waist. At this point, I was grateful that I couldn’t feel my body. If I could feel the rocks crushing into me, my panic would be triple. God, would I be here for all of eternity?

Please! I shouted to him. Don’t do this! Please!

The rocks were moving up my chest now. How was he doing this so fast? I was going to be locked in unmoving, rocky darkness for all of eternity.

I’m still alive! I tried again. Why had he heard me before and now he was completely deaf? Why now, when it was most important, was he immune to my shouting?

The rocks moved higher and I could see them start piling around my neck and shoulders. My face would be next. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t. There was a slice of sky – two stars – that I could see through the top of the cavern. If he just let me look at that, I might be able to survive.

A rock hovered above my face cutting off my view of the stars.

No! Jude, no, please. Not my face. Jude, please! I pleaded. He couldn’t hear me.

The rock hovered over me and then tumbled back by my right arm. I heard the definitive sound of stone-on-stone. He walked away from me. I could only imagine it was to go pace.

“Angel’s lightning, Rory. It’s like I can still hear you. Holy hell, what is that about?”

Don’t leave me. I’m still here.

Suddenly, his face was in my line of vision again.

“You can’t still be here. You’re dead,” he said, sounding like he was trying to convince himself. “You’re dead and you’re not talking to me.”

I was dead. That answered it. But if I was dead – why wasn’t I in Heaven or Hell or…out of my body. Did I malfunction the order of the universe when I chose Jude? It didn’t know where to send me when I chose him so it kept me in my body? Would I be here forever?

Jude, help me. I’m still here.

“You’re not here, Rory. You’re not,” he practically yelled at me. “I need to go.” With that he strode angrily out of my line of vision. His footsteps got fainter as he walked away and my panic reached an entirely new level.

No! I soundlessly screamed. Don’t leave me alone. Please! Don’t leave me here alone!

I waited. The only sound I heard was the wind outside the cave. I continued to wait and listen. There was nothing. He must have left me. He walked away and left me. I was alone. I was dead and alone and stuck in my body.

Jude, I mourned.

Wait. A noise. What was that? An animal? A person?

Jude? I questioned.

Another noise. Footsteps? Faint, hesitant footsteps. They sounded like they were getting closer. Were they actually real or was I driving myself crazy. No. No, there was definitely something approaching. I just hoped it was Jude and not a coyote smelling fresh meat. I don’t think I could handle experiencing my body getting eaten by a wild animal.

Jude’s face appeared in my line of vision and it moved closer as he crouched next to me. Relief was a strange emotion, since it didn’t come with the usual release of breath and tensed muscles.

“Shit,” he whispered, anguished. “I can hear you. How can I hear you? You aren’t here.”

I’m here. I told him. I don’t know how or why, but I’m here.

“You’re dead, Rory. You know that?” I almost cheered. He was talking to me like he could hear me! Now we could figure out how to get me out of here!

I almost nodded to answer Jude’s question and then realized I couldn’t actually move my body.

Yes.

“You should be gone. You should be with evertos or the angelus,” he told me.

I picked you. I’m with you.

“Holy hell, Rory. I knew this wouldn’t work. You picked me and now it’s worse than you being with either of them. You’re stuck here!” His hand moved to my head and his voice lowered in defeat. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for this to happen.”

It’s not your fault. And then I thought for a moment. If he could talk to me and it looked like we had some time to kill, I might as well get some answers. How can we talk if I’m dead?

I felt Jude smile, rather than actually saw him. “Your spirit, your anima. That’s what moves on. As far as why I can still hear you - I don’t know. Maybe it’s because of our protector bond or maybe it’s because you chose me. Angel’s lightning Rory, we’re in unknown territory here.”

I nodded again and then realized it accomplished nothing. This whole not-having-a-body thing was going to take some getting used to.

How do we get my spirit out of my body? There must be some experience in this. Spirits must get stuck in bodies all the time. Now that Jude realized what was going on, it was probably a simple solution.

Jude sighed. That didn’t bode well. “I don’t know. Spirits get left behind on earth – ghosts and unfinished business. All that stuff that you’ve heard of. But a spirit getting stuck inside a body? I’ve never heard of that.”

Great, I was an anomaly. What do we do? I asked, trying not to panic.

“We’ll figure it out,” Jude assured me.

I blinked and when I looked up in the crack on the ceiling the stars had moved. Jude wasn’t near me anymore. What had happened? I blinked. He couldn’t move that fast could he? I could hear his voice somewhere to my right.

“I know it sounds crazy,” he told someone. “But she’s here…I know she’s dead…I know.” The way no one was responding to him, I imagined he must be on the phone. Why hadn’t I heard it ring? “No. Not for a few hours. It’s been really quiet.”

What’s been quiet?

I could hear Jude’s footsteps and it sounded like he was pacing. His voice burst into the cavern, loud and angry. “Why can’t her spirit be trapped here? Why shouldn’t I be able to hear her?...I know, it’s been hours, but that doesn’t mean I imagined it.”

Hours? I blinked my eyes. Did I disappear for hours?

Jude? I called out tentatively.

“Wait! Sshhh! Shh!” He told the person in the phone. “Rory?...I. Know. She’s. Dead!” he said emphatically into the phone.

Jude?

“I’m here,” he told me, leaning over me. “Where did you go?”

Go?

“I couldn’t hear you for hours,” Jude said, trying to keep his voice light. “I was scared.”

I blinked. I had just blinked. I was gone for hours?

A voice came from the phone. Jude looked down quickly, like he forgot it was there. He put the phone up to his ear. “No. I can hear her again…no…no…no…fine.” He took a deep breath and held the phone down to my head. “It’s Willa,” he told me.

When he pressed the phone near me, I could hear something. I could tell it was a person talking, but it was like she was underwater and possibly speaking another language. I tried to listen harder, but nothing changed. The weird, underwater voice still spoke. I didn’t understand anything.

Jude pulled the phone away and hung up. I thought I detected a smile. “Did you get all that?”

No.

“No?” He smiled again. “What part did you miss? The part where she said I was insane or where she said you better figure your ‘shit’ out and get home?”

I couldn’t understand her, I told him.

“What do you mean?”

I couldn’t understand her, I told him again. Nothing made sense. She was underwater or talking funny. I was trying not panic. What did it matter if I didn’t understand her?

“Huh,” Jude answered, frustratingly non-committal. What the hell did that mean? Was it bad? Was it good? Was it just another thing we didn’t know? WHAT? “I’ve got to go,” he said into the phone. “Yeah. See you soon.”

I heard him put the phone away and then he walked back over to me. It was frustrating to be lying there. I wanted to get out. I wanted to see him, touch him. I wanted to move. And breathe. Did we breathe after we died?

Do you breathe? I asked him.

“What?”

If I could breathe I would have let out an exasperated sigh. I know my segue way to a new topic left a little to be desired, but I was the dead one stuck inside my own body. He really needed to keep up.

Do you breathe?

“Of course, we breathe. When we’re in human form, we have human bodies. They react just like human bodies do. Why?”

I miss breathing, I told him.

Jude crouched over me and put a reassuring hand on my head. At least, I assumed that’s what he did. I still couldn’t feel him, but I could see the direction his hand was moving in. “We’ll get you out of there. We just need to figure out why you’re stuck in there and then get you out.”

Not exactly the most reassuring thing. I know he was trying but seriously, no one had ever been stuck in their body before? I wanted to fight off panic, but there weren’t even symptoms to fight off. Just my thoughts beating against my brain, which was dead so it wasn’t like it was even really beating against my brain. Argh! I was going to drive myself crazy with these kind of thoughts.

“Willa and everyone is coming in a little bit. They’re worried.” I could hear the wry tone in his voice and smile grace his lips. “I think they’re more worried that I’ve gone off the deep end than anything else. I guess I can’t blame them. And part of me is wondering if hearing you is just wishful thinking. But if it isn’t you? Then where in holy hell are you?”

I’m here, I answered slowly, hearing the anguish in his voice. I just didn’t know what to do with the fact that I was here. I don’t know for how long, but I’m here.

“Why do you say that? You don’t know for how long?” I detected a note of fear and worry in this voice. Was there nothing I could do to comfort the poor man?

The thing was. I didn’t know how to describe it. My biggest fear when I first woke up…or died, was that I would be trapped in my body forever. But now I could feel something pulling me. It was calling me and I wanted to answer it. I just didn’t know what I was answering or where my soul would go if I did answer it. I imagined that it couldn’t be worse than being trapped in my body. But what if I was called to the angelus or the evertos? Then I would start a war with human casualties. I couldn’t do that. So it was safer for everyone if I stayed trapped in my body forever. Maybe Jude would take pity on me and bring me somewhere that he could talk to me. Keep a television on when he was out. Dear god, I sounded like a paralyzed puppy. I sighed. No, actually I didn’t. I wanted to sigh, but I currently didn’t have control of my or anyone else’s body so there was no breathing, sighing, panicking – anything.

Something is calling me. It’s pulling me, but I don’t know what it is.

“Don’t answer it,” Jude ordered me immediately. Panic laced his voice. It could after all.

I wanted to laugh this time. Sardonically or perhaps with little humor, but I couldn’t. I don’t know if it works that way. I’m not answering it, don’t know if I could if I wanted to. I just feeling it calling to me.

“I don’t know if this is a good sign. You being in your body makes sense in a really twisted way. You chose me and I hope it wasn’t, but I’m starting to think that maybe it was the wrong choice.”

It wasn’t, I cut him off before he could go further on that thought.

Jude shot up and I could hear his footsteps pacing to the right of me.

“How could it not be wrong? You are stuck in your body and we have no idea how to get you out! Now, something is calling you and it’s probably where you were supposed to be which is not with me!” The anger, frustration, and sadness in his voice reverberated through me. The thought that I wasn’t supposed to be with him was crushing him.

It’s not wrong. I’m supposed to be with you. I chose you. The Oracle said there was another way out and I chose it. Maybe the universe is just…processing all of this. Shifting or whatever universes do when it gets thrown a curveball.

“A curveball? We fucked every celestial being there is!” His anger was radiating from him and I could almost feel it. It excited me that I could almost feel it.

I didn’t realize he thought we had screwed everyone over. And we didn’t. Not really. From what they said there were plenty of people who weren’t happy with the way Heaven and Hell were being run. We might just be saving those people.

No. I told him. We didn’t fuck everyone. For one, I think the Oracle would be happy with what happened. And what about Willa, Tanaka, Marco, and Jerrick? I know they agreed with us. What about others like them? I think they would back this decision. Hell, Jude, if you let them, they would join you. You just never let them in.

He came and crouched next to me again. His arms resting on the wall to my right and his chin resting on his hands. “I know,” he replied quietly. He scrubbed a hand down his face. “I’m just worried about you.”

Don’t be. I’ll be fine.

“You don’t know that.”

I wanted to shake my head and smile. Instead, I was unmoving. I do. Everything we’ve done so far has been guesses and doing what we thought was best. I’m not in the ideal situation right now, but I’m okay. I’ll be okay. We’ll be okay.

I wanted to believe the words I was telling him. I felt like they were true. There was something telling me it was all going to work out. Either that or I just needed to believe that right now.

“I’m just going to have to trust you. I’m not comfortable with having to trust anyone,” he whispered, almost to himself.

I know. You can trust me, you know that.

His hand moved toward my head again. “I know I can. I told you who I really am. You’ve put yourself on the line for me and the others more times than I can think of. You’ve never once been dishonest with me, despite the fact that I kept things from you. In spite of all that, and my history, you still love me.” I could hear the wonder in his voice. He shifted his hand back.

I do, I told him slightly distracted. I could feel a pull on me. I needed to go somewhere, I just didn’t know how to get there.

“I just wish I could figure this out,” he told me. “How do I release you from your body?”

I started to get worried. It felt like hands were reaching out and grabbing me. They were trying to drag me towards something. I’m leaving soon, I told Jude.

“What do you mean? What’s going on?” The panic was back in Jude’s voice and he was leaning over me protectively like he could stop me from being taken.

It’s pulling me. It’s taking me.

“Where?” God, could anything sound more anguished than his voice did in that moment? I wanted to comfort him but I didn’t know what was happening. I couldn’t give him any solid answers.

I don’t know. I was being pulled downward and I felt like I was sinking beneath the floor. I’ll find you. I promise.

The pull was dragging me downward. I saw one last glimpse of Jude’s hazy face and then I was surrounded in darkness.

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