Big girls don't cry
30. Rising anxiety

Aleida’s POV

“So, would you like to explain?” Kian asks.

“Not really, no.”

“Why won’t you talk to us!?”

“Because you don’t understand! You never listen to what I say; you all just say that it’s going to be better without even knowing why I’m hurting in the first place! You have no right to either judge me or say that you understand me when you know fucking nothing about me or my life!” I scream at Kian; he looks taken aback by my answer, and he is now looking apologetic. “Don’t even start to apologize. I’m sick and tired of people apologizing, saying that they don’t know. That’s because I don’t tell you; I don’t want others to judge me. I don’t want people to look at me with sympathy or some other shit. I’m me, and if that isn’t enough for you, then all of you can fucking go to hell! See if I care.”

I storm out of the room and run towards the forest. Without caring for my clothes, I shift, and my attire is now lying on the ground, in shreds. My paws are pounding on the damp ground. The only thing that circulates inside my head is that I have to get somewhere where I can be alone for a while, which doesn’t seem to take long. I hear others behind me; I guess it’s Kian and Miliano. Right now, I don’t care. With all the muscles I have, I increase the pace and run faster than ever before. I don’t slow down until I reach a clearing full of wildflowers and tall grass with a nearby stream. I lay down under the tree with the head on my paws and wait for my mates to appear to continue scolding me. Miliano is the first one to appear. He slowly paws up to me, and when I don’t react, he lays down next to me with his head on my back. He licks behind the ear and breathes out in satisfaction. Not long after that, Kian’s black wolf walks up to me and gently nuzzles his head towards mine. Like with Miliano, I don’t react, allowing him to lie down on my other side, with his head right next to mine. He licks me in the face with his tongue; it’s the ultimate gesture of intimacy. He shows my wolf and me that he loves us. I give him a little lick back on his snout to show that I’m not mad before putting my head back on my paws. We lie there all three together and enjoy nature around us, like in eternal bliss. That doesn’t last for long, however. A threatful growl comes from behind us, and I immediately stand up in front of my mates to protect them from danger. The wolf before me is big but not bigger than me; the smell of rot and decay surrounds the air-this is a rogue. It shows its teeth against us and growls uncontrollably. I growl back and step towards him; he immediately sits down like a little dog with his head down in submission. Miliano and Kian guard the young wolf while I walk behind a tree and shift. I put on the long T-shirt that one of my boys had with them before walking back to the wolf. I stand in front of him with my arms crossed and give him a stern look.

“Shift,” I say, calm but stern voice; he glares at me, which annoys me—I breathe in deeply before I use my alpha voice. “Shift!”

He shifts in seconds before me.

“How-how did you do that?” the rogue asks.

“You have no right to question anything I do, especially when you’re in my territory. Now, who are you?”

“I don’t have to answer to some girl,” he snorts at me; with a sugary smile, I turn to my mates.

“Babies, go and shift; I’ll be fine,” I say, and they both give me wolfie smiles before walking away. “I give you one more chance before I’m going to get angry. Answer my damn question.”

“Make me,” he says mockingly.

“That’s it!” I roar, and in a nanosecond, I take a grip around his throat and push him up against a tree; the look in his eyes is incredible. “I’m sick and tired about people like you challenging my authority around my own goddamn land. You’re nothing but a boy who knows nothing about who I am or what I can do. Please answer my question or prepare to die. I can snap your neck like a twig.”

“I would answer her if I were you,” Kian says behind me.

“Why would I answer this mutt?” the rogue asks, and my mates growl at him.

“Don’t you dare to disrespect the queen!” Miliano roars.

“Th-the queen?”

“That’s right, love, I’m the werewolf queen, and I’m tired of your games. Answer my god damn question, or I will make you answer it!”

“Mi-Michael.”

“Okay, Michael, are you going to be a good boy and behave, or do I have to hurt you further?”

He shakes his head ‘no,’ and I release my grip. He falls to the ground, coughing and wheezing for air. I walk around him in circles.

“Now, Michael, what are you doing in my territory?”

“This isn’t your territory; it belongs to alpha Miliano and alpha Kian,” he spits out in anger, and I chuckle at him.

“Yeah, and I’m their luna,” I answer, his eyes open wide, and his mouth forms an ‘o’. “That’s right. Do you want a repeat of what happened a moment ago?”

“N-no, ma’am.”

“That’s what I thought. What are you doing here?”

“I was sent here.”

“By who?”

“Alpha Jonathan of the Rose Moon pack,” he answers; I stop walking and look at him.

“Why did he send you?”

“He told me that the alphas had taken what was his and wanted me to return you,” the rogue answers, which makes my mates growl at the bare thought about someone taking me away from them.

“Don’t you dare even to try to take our mate from us!” Miliano yells.

“I’m sorry, alpha, I just follow orders,” Michael whimpers.

“Michael, you’re just a kid. You can’t be more than a teen,” I point out to him.

“So what? I’m still strong and can take care of myself.”

“Of that, I have no doubt. But it would be best if you didn’t do Jonathan’s bidding like some errand boy. You’re better than that.”

“I-I am?” he asks, insecure, and I smile gently at him.

“Yes, you are. You’re worth something to other people, your family, and your friends. It’s not worth it to end your life early by doing something this foolish. Come on, Michael, do you really think you can walk into our territory without being killed? You should be happy that it was us who found you and not the warriors.”

“I’m sorry, luna or alpha?” he asks, and I laugh at him.

“I don’t even know myself. But I want to help you, for your family.”

“I don’t have a family.”

“Your friends then.”

“I don’t have any fucking friends!” he screams, clearly angry.

“Watch your tone with the queen!” Kian roars back at him.

“It’s okay, he’s upset, and that’s all right,” I say to Kian and kiss his cheek before I turn to Michael again. “I care about you, Michael, and I want to help you.”

“But why?”

“Because once upon a time, I was just like you. Alone and broken down into millions of pieces. No one cared if I lived or died. I lost my family when I was only a few years old, and I had no friends; I was Jonathan and the rest of the pack’s slave. Nothing more and nothing less. I don’t want to see anyone else treated that way again,” I hear the sorrow in my own voice and the tears burn in my eyes.

“He promised me to become part of his pack if I did this...”

“No, Michael, just no. He’s going to treat you the exact same way he treated me, if not worse. Jonathan will make you feel that you owe him for letting you in the pack. You’re going to stay with us and show your loyalty. If you do good, I personally will allow you a place in our pack. I promise you this.”

“Can you do that? It’s not your pack and...”

“She can, and she will. Aleida’s our luna, our queen, but above all, our mate. If this makes her happy, then so be it,” Kian answers with a smile on his face.

“You will come to live with us, and we don’t want anything in return except your loyalty towards both the pack and us. Don’t ever feel like you owe us anything, okay?” I say.

“Okay,” he answers, and now he’s smiling, that makes me happy; we begin walking before Michael stops us, looking down, embarrassed. “So, um... Can we maybe go there in wolf form? I don’t really have any clothes...”

“Of course, follow us.”

We all shift to our wolves and run through the forest with ease. I walk inside the house first and put on some clothes after I transform; I open the door for them to walk in. Michael looks around in awe of our home.

“This isn’t our packhouse, but our private home. I hope that you’ll respect the rules we have set here like you would in the packhouse?” I ask him, and he nods. “Good. First things first, you need to shower and put on some clothes. Kian and Miliano will show you to the shower while I make us all something to eat. How does that sound?”

He barks like a dog, and that makes me laugh. I rub him behind his ear before I walk into the kitchen to start cooking. After a quick look in both the pantry and the fridge, I decide to make meat stew. Before I begin, I start the stereo and connect my phone with Bluetooth. The song ‘Castle’ with Halsey comes out of the speakers at a high volume while I cut the meat and put it into a hot frying pan. The pot with water is ready in no time, and I pour rice into it before putting it back on the stove. I stand and cut onions when I feel someone standing behind me. By pure instinct, I turn around and throw the knife that hits Miliano’s shirt. The blade penetrates the sweater and the wall; he’s stuck.

“Oops, sorry, baby,” I say when I walk up to him and tug the knife out of the wall while kissing his forehead.

Kian laughs at Miliano’s face, and Michael looks terrified.

“What have I told you about walking into the kitchen unannounced when I’m using knives!?” I scold Miliano.

“Sorry, baby girl...” he says with shame.

“Damn, you’re one dangerous she-wolf,” Michael says, astonished.

“I can say with a clean conscience that she’s the strongest and most dangerous wolf in the whole pack,” Kian points out.

“But, how? You’re not much older than me!” Michael exclaims.

“I’ve been training since I was two years old,” I answer without looking away when I cut the onions.

“Wow! You began four years before an alpha’s child does; your dad must be so proud of who you are,” Michael says, and I stop the cutting, my smile disappears.

“Yeah, I guess he was...”

“I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable, luna.”

“It’s okay; I’m just not used to talk about him,” I answer with a sad smile.

“What was he like?”

“Honestly? I’m not sure. I was very young when he and my mom died. I’ve heard stories about how they were as alpha and luna. I don’t remember much more than what others have told me and the training sessions with my dad.”

“Wasn’t it hard to be trained at such a young age? Not even male alphas begin the training at that age.”

“Yeah... It was really hard. every time I hurt myself, he always told me that big girls don’t cry. That’s what I’ve been working on not doing my whole life. Not even once since they died have I cried because of pain. He trained me so I could be able to fight my way through the werewolf society and claim my place.”

“And what place is that?”

“I’m the rightful heir of the Rose Moon pack.”

“That-that means that...”

“That I’m the child of alpha Romeo and luna Clara Mendez, yes. I have 100 percent alpha blood in my veins, and apparently, it’s also royal blood.”

“Are you going to claim what’s yours then?” Michael asks with interest.

“Oh, I promise you, darling, it’s just a matter of time. I’ll claim what’s mine until my last breath.”

“And I will stand by your side,” Michael says, and I smile at his bravery.

“Thank you, Michael. Now, boys, I’ve cooked dinner. Who will set the table, and who will do the dishes?”

“I can do the dishes,” Michael says without hesitating.

“That’s good then. I’ll go upstairs to change, help yourselves. I’ll be back in a moment,” I say before pointing at my mates. “And you two, no bickering, I mean it.”

“Yes, baby,” they say in unison after looking at each other.

“Good boys,” I coo at them.

I give them a million-dollar smile before walking to my bedroom to change. It doesn’t take long to change my clothes and walk down again. I hear the three males in the kitchen moan loudly. What the hell!?

“What the fuck are you doing? It sounds like all of you are having sex in here.”

They all stop eating and look up at me. The three men in front of me have food all over their faces.

“Uh... It’s good?” Michael says hesitantly, but it sounds more like a question; I burst out laughing.

“Use your fork, boys.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Such good boys I have. I just hope I don’t make a mistake by letting Michael into our lives.

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